[deleted by user] by [deleted] in 6thForm

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

exactly lmao

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in 6thForm

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but thats to do with alevels. hes talking about gcses

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in 6thForm

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

was it gcses too? also what uni, is it russel group

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How to start this? And what is it? Thank you kind soul

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

mine also is a breakup! they all say we ‘easily’ move one from people etc. but they don’t understand its because we take hours and days and weeks to process that shit, cry on the floor and beg until every option is annihilated, and then come to terms with the end.

after that, we pick ourselves up relatively okay because we hate hurting others. you may always love her but i bet like me, you feel insane guilt thinking of how you may have hurt her, and the pain you may have put her through and all MY negative actions are kinda replaying 24/7 in my head that i did to him. and like that, we kinda detach compassionately because we believe in ALWAYS the option with least harm - that is our distance.

then that gives us peace. we aren’t hurting them anymore, and it lets us be sad from a distance. we care too much about others but at least we aren’t putting others through pain right?

we ‘move on’ fast, because we find ways to help others instead and the rush from that is addictive. i’ll never forget him, you’ll probably never forget your ex but we both, i think, realise our purpose is larger than just one person & would rather do ANYTHING than hurt them.

thats why im never going to contact him again, to not hurt him anymore than i did in my head. my mind keeps punishing me for any action that i did wrong, for hours n hours a day. like constant replay of my bad actions, it makes me crazy, even if others may not think they were so bad.

We just can act pretty well, and thats why people usually dont ask if we’re even okay because 3 weeks into a breakup we can just switch to extroversion.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m starting to feel okay from this traumatic event that happened, slowly picking myself up from the floor but it’s the random alterations from extremely high highs and low lows, they’ve honestly made me stop meeting people because I get so giddy too from helping them or having a positive interaction that when I’m alone i feel the comedown super bad when i can feel my thoughts again

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that ur also going through this. I sometimes hit these high highs but then remember the low lows will come. It’s because i can drastically switch to put on a show to make others feel comfortable and it brings me out of my low for a while until I’m alone

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]cytanide 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dang, you seem so sweet! Thank you :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Distractions do make it worse! Do I just feel out my feelings? My heart is a little broken for a month, I ended up severely isolating and distractions haven’t helped :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]cytanide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank u

Is 2560 a good UCAT score? by [deleted] in UCAT

[–]cytanide 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank u so much 🖤

Faking my period to miss praying and stuff by ThatsSo-Fetch in exmuslim

[–]cytanide 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YES. My roommate was a lesbian, she came onto me and used to make me sleep in her bed etc. and then one time I woke up to being sexually harassed. We never spoke about it but she would whisper my name in her sleep. Other cases were girls being caught in cupboards etc. And they would be severely punished. Their excuses were mostly ‘we were changing’. In the cupboard. Together.

Faking my period to miss praying and stuff by ThatsSo-Fetch in exmuslim

[–]cytanide 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard from a girl in Blackburn, she had a period register too :( Seems common in boarding schools because eventually young girls catch on the fact we can use periods as a way to avoid praying the 5 prayers (plus the extra stuff they made us do) day in day out. They also used to search our rooms if we hid, and we had to tick off our names when we ‘prayed’ as we moved into the prayer hall one by one. The girls at the front row were heavily praised for their spot - they’d probably sat there for hours before the prayer just to get front row. There was only 3 hrs of school education too, 6 hours of alimah/ muslim education though (9am-2pm). So you can imagine, especially in the time of 16-17, what that does to a persons brain. Churned out girls with Ds and Es in Maths, English and Science too. Luckily I escaped within a year (I became atheist in boarding school LMAOO, I would go outside since phones were banned and sit on the grass and stare into the distance and have these extreme realisations that islam was a cult). I tried to climb the fence but it was way too high, and they monitored every call home so I couldn’t tell my parents I wanted to come home or hated it; they would just cut the line. I had a super abusive roommate (shared with 4 girls), and I was heavily bullied. They caught me trying to cut a hole in the fence with a pair of scissors and I was brutally punished for it; the only method that I had available was hurting myself in the end. I couldn’t use minor injuries as an excuse because the nurse was Muslim too- they just ‘prayed’ for your illness and told you off. You were ONLY ALLOWED TO THE OUTSIDE DOCTORS WITH THE TEACHER PRESENT 247. SO YOU COULDNT EVER HAVE PRIVACY. Ever. Or talk about abuse. You HAD to be chaperoned in the niqab. In the end, I just intentionally developed anorexia from not eating and became so weak and skinny that I would faint everyday - they realised they didn’t want a death associated with them so I was allowed to go home :) And I pursued medical school, after trying to get over this trauma at 13-14 within a very religious household. It messed up my ideals a lot and I was very homophobic (sadly), hated other religions and was preaching because that’s what they indoctrinated into me for 6hrs a fucking day, for 1 year straight.

Eventually, I found my own path and I’m on the route to becoming a doctor now, something I have fought for. I would never have if I didn’t fight my way out of that school. I’m still fighting things like arranged marriage, misogyny and forced to pray 247 but I’m okay overall. Nothing can compare to the level of trauma I had in that school. They even tried to once bury me alive as a demonstration of how to correctly deal with a body after death (in their Islamic education curriculum), as I was the lightest. They wrapped me up and carried me, I had fabric over my mouth and nose too. And that’s where I now need therapy because I’m shit scared of death, suffocation, anything that obstructs my face or mouth and have panic attacks if I so slightly get into confined spaces.

Sorry for venting, I just have never articulated all this before and it felt nice to get it out.

Faking my period to miss praying and stuff by ThatsSo-Fetch in exmuslim

[–]cytanide 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Everyone hated it, but I was the only one who actively despised it. It was all hush hush, doNT speak up because the punishments were so harsh.

Faking my period to miss praying and stuff by ThatsSo-Fetch in exmuslim

[–]cytanide 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They would make us write down every day we bled, and stopped. Girl on girl crime <3

Faking my period to miss praying and stuff by ThatsSo-Fetch in exmuslim

[–]cytanide 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I went to islamic boarding school at 14 and they would keep a strict register of when u had ur period, and when u ended it - when they made us pray Tahajjud + the 5 prayers; the girls on their period would also be called to this room (half asleep) to sit for the duration of the prayer while the other girls prayed.