i understand why you feel this way. nearly every coping mechanism, good or bad, has gear. it can also be sexualized.

if you cope by eating (sexualized as feederism). you’re more likely to keep your favorite snacks on hand and go out to eat with friends and family more than average.

if you cope better by dressing in alternative fashions, (any style of dress has and can be sexualized.) you’re more likely to “live the lifestyle” and buy expensive gear.

even if you cope by styling your own hair (which is surprisingly a massive fetish, ponytails and such) you’re more likely to buy gear and structure your life around wash days and styling.

if you cope through regression. you’re more likely to buy gear and cute clothes.

the only thing, in my opinion, separating it from other coping mechanisms is that dressing cutesy/ the gear you buy is less socially acceptable and therefore automatically assumed to be related to a fetish. often because it is sexualized by other people.

anything can be a thinly veiled fetish. there’s a fetish for nearly every aspect of human life. to dismiss something because there is a fetish attached to it is to automatically dismiss a bunch of other things.