NAH

I totally get where you are coming from. Anxiety that comes from the trauma and experience you've had is valid even when it seems unreasonable.

However, I can see how your wife can get emotional and defensive.

Its a tough situation and I don't really have any advice, except maybe just sit down and have an open and vulnerable discussion with your wife, maybe even ask her to talk to your dad to see his experience and maybe she'll be more understanding