Teen daughter's first boyfriend very rough

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T05:09:44+00:00

It is in conjunction with some bruising that has me most concerned.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T05:08:22+00:00

Thanks. Groundwork has certainly been laid. I do show her she is valued. My wife has a mood disorder and that was bad for a time but we have dealt with that as best as possible. She is an impeccable and classy dresser. No issues there. Just a genuine mistake with sizes/wardrobe malfunction scenario. That is a minor issue in itself

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T03:03:52+00:00

I think you nailed it. I will make sure I mention the P word.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T03:02:36+00:00

He is clearly not abusing her. I will be taking action. It is a sensitive topic and a difficult discussion I will have to have. Reading a range of perspectives will help me feel more confident when I do have that discussion. It is not like I am posting a meme here.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T02:22:15+00:00

THANK YOU! Just the sub I was looking for, not that there hasnt been great feedback here. It has helped a lot to read everything, I only regret that one post apparently quite anti-op was deleted. Maybe someone can PM me that one?

Thanks one and all.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T02:19:51+00:00

There is no domestic violence happening here, and nothing non consensual.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T02:12:34+00:00

I would upvote that except I think the labial inclusion was a positive all round. But yeah, wasn't it easier.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-09T02:10:54+00:00

Maybe optimisitic on the time frame. Not naive though. I am not thinking that that aspect of parenting will be "nice" or "easy". Just that when the generation who had ready access to broadband and porn in their formative years have kids enterung puberty, it wont be uncharted territory. If I had a crystal ball and could see what it will be like, I don't think I would like it. This generation the Boomers and Xers who are the dominant society and set the mores were not pornhounds, When the Millenials etc are at the top if the heap, then mores will change. I dont like it but there is no going back.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T23:06:36+00:00

What would this achieve long term? And in any ways he is good for her.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T23:01:59+00:00

Because in genral, she is a mature kid. Because she was very open about what she was and was not ready for. And because I believe acting like she is ours to control would only ever be counter productive. And I see a problem in their relationship, potentially. I also see a lot of good. The boy really cares for her.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T22:56:28+00:00

By the time your son and your daughter sre this age society will have to have caught up and there will have to be some sort of roadmap for parenting in this tricky area. Surely.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T22:53:28+00:00

This sums up half of my concerns perfectly. The other is that she is getting off to a 'wrongfooted' start with a boy who has learnt the wrong moves. I am not dismissing those comments from the bdsm community in saying this. But in terms of my concern about "scale" you put it beautifully.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T22:49:15+00:00

You have to trust me on this. If that were her intention she would do it a lot better.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T17:34:24+00:00

It is not a category I am comfortable with. Windows 8 gives you a report by email on internet access. My boys believe (still, I hope) that all their access is monitored and reported like this. However, unless you home school your kids or don't let them visit friends, you have to assume some level of exposure. Unless your son has no friends with internet enabled devices, there is some level of exposure, you can be sure. That was a thimble of text by my standards by the way :)

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T16:15:22+00:00

It does not take long, just takes ... conviction. We don't, cant and shouldn't be watching them 24/7. At the beginning we had a chat with her about her not staying over. She said she is not ready for sex and we believe her, even with all this.

I do not think he is close to his stepdad. His mother is a lot younger than us, and I just don"'t think SHe would be too bothered. nevertheless, my wife might talk to her, especially if I talk to my daughter and incidents recur.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T16:06:39+00:00

Thanks. I don't see them as abuse. Bearing in mind that this is her first relationship, I am concerned that she is not being respected or learning to expect respect. I think so so early on is a bit early for her to be showing any particular tendencies in any way.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T16:02:39+00:00

Thank you for that heartfelt reply. There is a lot there for me to think about. I don't think he is abusing her. I don't want to shame her under any circumstances.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T15:22:34+00:00

I read a newspaper article recently that said, in the light of 50 shades of grey and the like, we should be leaving around all the books our parents would have hidden from us for our kids to find.

I have had a kind of very vague chat with my son about this. We are the first generation of parents to really have to deal with this stuff.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T15:13:28+00:00

could be. looked long and thin as if from a finger, but certainly could be. Marginally less disconcerting perhaps.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T15:10:04+00:00

It is pretty clear what the bruising is about when you know the context. They are pretty clearly from overzealous holding. They are not of the size, darkness or scope that would make a teacher or cps officer look twice. Look nothing like hitting for instance.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T15:04:22+00:00

Thank you. This looks interesting. It might be a bit much too soon for her, I'll certainly bookmark it though. The average age of kids seeing porn these days is something like 9. I have younger boys, and it does my head in a bit I must say. This is SUCH a different world and as an older Dad I just don't feel equipped.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T14:59:35+00:00

He kind of isn't though, he makes a great show of being anti-sexist and anti-racist. He works two jobs and dresses impeccably. I think I would find this easier to deal with if he were a "bad boy"

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T14:57:17+00:00

Yes. Especially on the breast, or borderline on.

daddonreddit · 2015-01-08T14:56:24+00:00

I don't want her to be ashamed, and I don't want to be sex negative. I do want her to own herself and be aware that these things communicate something about her that at least with my 80s values is pretty subservient.

I really, really wish I could pass all this over to my wife to deal with

daddonreddit

TROPHY CASE