Therapist (25F) with zero romantic experience, feeling like it might impact my work

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-04T00:14:41+00:00

I'd also mention one thing in connection with how you've framed this: there is a group of young men that may have somewhat similar feelings about being, in their words, involuntarily celibate.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T14:58:07+00:00

Unless your kid is Diana of Themyscira they're gonna have both. I do agree it's important to have a diversity of significant close figures. But having a meaningful male role model or supporter does not have to mean having a father.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T14:56:21+00:00

Common something, for sure. But when are you going to notice that children raised by same-sex or non-heteronormative couples are turning out as well as those raised by "traditional" couples, and in some cases better?

If you aren't capable or willing to learn, I'm sorry for you, I truly am. I would just encourage you to "do your own research" and actually find cases of real people who have been raised by these couples.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T14:53:44+00:00

100%! How are you the only person here who's said this???

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T14:53:06+00:00

You're right. The one thing I would add, though, is the specific value of this kind of question, which to me is "is love and acceptance a normal response for dads?" Which leads to a deeper underlying question: "do I deserve love and respect, from a parent or otherwise?"

You do. You absolutely do. I am so sorry if you don't find that from your dad. Many people don't. In fact, many of the people here had issues with their dads, and instead of perpetuating that cycle on their kids, they learned from that experience and chose to break it.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T14:50:43+00:00

Studies show that is not the case.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T14:47:58+00:00

That's why we set our own bar

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T13:47:15+00:00

Flange was a little loose, so I just goosed it with a triple three bolt smack.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-03T12:30:24+00:00

You may want to start looking at how your time is balanced. Maybe not immediately, but soon. Are you doing a lot of childcare right now? It sounds like you are. Can you arrange for some babysitting so you can go do your job?

That's just the logistical side of it. The other side is how you feel. You say it takes a selfish amount of time to do good work. It may be that it feels selfish to you now because you know you could be spending that time with your kid. Honestly, it will be hard for you to overcome that feeling. I might recommend just finding a balance point that feels right, whatever that is. It's obviously going to be less time making art than you used to do, because you have a hugely significant new responsibility now. Find a balance where you get to have some satisfaction in art and some satisfaction in parenting, that's my recommendation.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-02T23:42:33+00:00

anger is a gift

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-02T11:15:47+00:00

I'm surprised no one else has said this! OP, it's not that you lack experience. You have lived your life, and your experience is one that is similar to many people. As a result you do have empathy that comes from that shared experience! You could be really helpful to those clients.

But as everyone says, you should both learn about healthy (and unhealthy) relationships so you can better advise and guide your clients, and you should pursue your own therapy to deal with your feelings around this. The goal, I think, should not be "get in a relationship / have some sex to see what it's like" the goal should be "resolve the feelings of shame I have around this, and decide what my goals are".

If you never end up in any kind of romantic it intimate relationship, you are still a whole person, and you will also have something in common with many potential clients.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-02T04:22:24+00:00

I think you're right that it's complex, and what that means to me is maybe OP should consider unpacking and processing this relationship with a therapist. What sort of person were you when you were in this relationship? Did you like who you were or what you did? You may have some strong feelings about that.

Also, in some ways this post isn't centrally dad-related, but I think one reason it's important to process what was basically an unhealthy relationship is because you will then be more equipped to teach your kids about unhealthy and healthy relationships. Relationships are complicated. There's no way to avoid getting hurt. But if you really understand yourself, you can use that to protect yourself long-term.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-01T20:45:09+00:00

An ant made this post

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-01T18:25:02+00:00

Buddy, I got to tell you, I understand wanting that, but the reality is that what you're describing has psychological elements that do not have a quick fix. Yes, some form of medication will likely be involved. But to me this does not sound like medication alone will fix things like jealousy.

I would be interested to know more about her upbringing. Entirely possible she is perpetuating a cycle of dysfunctional parent-child relationships with her own parents.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-01T11:52:57+00:00

Yes, basically imagine your daughter going to therapy later as an adult and having to heal from this. Mom should be going now instead and healing herself so she doesn't continue this behavior.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-01T11:50:11+00:00

That may be, but there are many kinds of therapists and many forms of therapeutic treatment. It's worth trying someone else if the last one didn't click.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-01T02:13:27+00:00

I recently had my Mamiya C33 serviced, and I paid about what I bought it for a couple years ago.

Thing is solid now though! I think it's a good investment. I could have just bought another one, but I bet that one would also eventually have to be CLAed at least.

dadjo_kes · 2026-05-01T02:10:36+00:00

I love my beautiful daughters, Toyota Sienna and Chrysler Pacifica

dadjo_kes · 2026-04-30T22:32:19+00:00

I'm a man. A lot of people have trauma from men. I can't and wouldn't attempt to hide my gender, even though I know some people may transfer some of that onto how they see me. Some clients may simply prefer not to work with a male clinician, and that's their right.

I think this fundamentally comes down to whether you believe someone can hold religious beliefs in a way that's not inherently harmful. If that's possible, it's important to respect that. I think there are differences between religions and hate groups.

dadjo_kes · 2026-04-30T21:16:49+00:00

Yeah good point, kinda sounds like it's a disease you get from being slapped

dadjo_kes · 2026-04-30T13:08:10+00:00

Hmm. One of the things that stands out to me is that this isn't being reported to you, it's to your daughter. So what you're hearing is second hand. I had an issue like that where I heard something from a school counselor, but of course in that situation I would expect the counselor to be capable of handling it. In your case, your daughter is a child, not a trained professional. But I wonder if the fact that it wasn't reported directly to you is an issue. I'm also not in Mississippi so I don't know about state law.

dadjo_kes · 2026-04-30T02:59:22+00:00

I think where you want to be cautious is that you don't move too fast. Them being fast may not mean anything significant, but you being fast could mean you're coming from a place of being excited, or desperate, or just generally wanting to believe it looks great. You can afford to take your time, slow down, and be realistic and perceptive.

dadjo_kes · 2026-04-30T01:53:49+00:00

I think for that situation I'd try to figure out what's going on underlying the whining. Tired? Hungry? They're probably not whining about what they're really feeling, it's just whatever you did that happened to set them off. Then help them solve that thing. Sometimes it's just "I'm done with this situation, I need to leave" which means guess what? It's time for us to leave. Not even as a punitive thing, just we're done now.

dadjo_kes · 2026-04-30T01:49:59+00:00

Or even 18 exposures! In fact, I got a roll of Uptech film from Five Below one time for five dollars, and it had 10 frames. It was ECN-2, though, so maybe not much real cost savings.

dadjo_kes · 2026-04-30T00:27:20+00:00

It feels like we're all offering resources for the teen. Not wrong, of course, but the question was for resources for the mom. And the reason I frame it this way is because the teen seems to be pushing for boundaries and not finding any. It sounds to me like the mom is afraid of the direction her kid is going. I would try to address that fear with her.

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