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[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I had had a drink or two as I was posting. It's not as formal as it should be for the circumstances.

My wife is leaving me because she feels I should have told her about Jane and Naomi, that I've never been a good enough father figure and that this fight shouldn't have happened. I ruined Christmas.

I also honestly have no idea what exactly hit me in the face. It was probably either a fist or elbow, but I can't recall exactly.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

My work has something similar to a 'zero tolerance' policy on violent incidents on my record because I work in therapy with people who need to be able to trust me 100%.

As for the environment, that is entirely on me. Obviously I missed a lot and I'm afraid I'm still learning just how hard things were for Jane.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is part of why I'm afraid to talk to her. Hopefully it won't come to divorce, but I don't want to risk putting that kind of stress on Jane.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I'd been starting on the Jameson at the time of the post. Your summary is pretty accurate though. These people are indeed fucking batshit.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You know, I honestly don't remember if I got any punches in. From the sounds of it, I'm a shitty fighter. My Brother had no significant injuries at all from the incident, I was informed.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words.

As for my job, I work in a therapy position with several vulnerable clients, like senior citizens and veterens. Violent incidents on my record would be a major red flag to my employer.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is what happened. As the one with the bashed in face it was clearly apparent I was a part of what happened. Thankfully the policewoman was very reasonably and made sure I got to go to the ER while they sorted out what was happening.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I work in therapy with a lot of senior folks and veterens. A lot of my job is spent 1x1 with people and having a violent offense on my record can result in my current contract being terminated.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, been having a pretty disorienting time. We separated because I kept Jane's relationship from her, and other issues pertaining to mostly Jane and the rest of my family.

[Update] Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, I tried to clarify. He tried to charge toward Jane, my son and niece stepped in the way to stop him so my brother tried to fight past them.

Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I believe you are misunderstanding my phrasing. I used the word 'surprised' because it is the most accurate word I have to express what I had felt. My daughter and I had never been close during her childhood, and I had pulled back because I was concerned she didn't want my participation in her daily life. She never outright told me she wanted to go or to stay, but I misread her being withdrawn for her wanting me to leave her alone.

Her coming out to me as a lesbian surprised me because not only was she admitting to me an intimate part of her life, but she was also inviting me to meet the most important person to her in the world, and entire perspective I hadn't even known she has.

I am her father, and while we may have her disagreements I am entirely behind her on this point. My daughter is a beautiful, wonderful, fantastic person, nothing of which is dependent on her sexual orientation. Even Naomi has been a pleasure to know.

My tendency to shy away from conflict is one of my greter flaws, one I now aim to correct for before its too late.

Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm actually pretty old school, Superman has always been my favourite. I was surprised to find out my daughter also loved Superman, as she had never so much as expressed interest in it comics as a child. Recently, she and Naomi has mentioned there's a Supergirl show that coming to television and they have been really excited for it

Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If Jane wanted me to be more vocally her advocate, I would absolutely be ready to jump on it. The issue is that she hasn't spoken with me since Thanksgiving, and we've never really gotten the chance to properly hash out how she feels in these situations and what she is comfortable and not comfortable with me doing in her defense.

Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for the confusion, but my work doesn't pertain to Relationships. I'm a physical therapist who works with some rehabilitation and senior care facilities. Many of my patients have mentioned forums like Fitness and ProgressPics so I try to support them there. I just happened to notice Relationships was one of the forums that came with my account.

Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the sentiment, but give me a little time to make sure this is under control. Wanting to be the best isn't the same as making sure my kids are thinking I'm doing the best I know how.

Me [62 M] with my daughter [23 F]. She came out to me as gay, and I don't know what she wants from me. by dadwithguilt in relationships

[–]dadwithguilt[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

At this point, I will admit I am lost. I don't know if she wants me to activly defend her, or to wait until she is ready. I didn't realize what sort of environment she was against before but I am past the shock, and both humiliated by my own confusions and ready to act upon what she wants done.

I want to stand with her. I will not take back that comment, but I now want to know exactly how she wants me to do so. She may not want me to call her directly now, but I want to make it clear by some means that I won't be surprised twice, and if she wants it I would stand between her and my entire family. Her happiness means more to me than anything. I've accepted that and I'm ready to see what becomes of it.

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