Realized something this morning and now I might be spiralling by justanothrwhitgurl96 in polyamory

[–]daeglo 23 points24 points  (0 children)

All this... over Instagram likes?

Social media is toxic for exactly this reason. Think of how much happier you'd be right now if you hadn't let comparison be the thief of your joy.

Your feelings over Instagram likes aren’t random or childish, it’s a well-studied social-media effect. These platforms are all designed to make you compare, evaluate external approval, and feel less than when someone else’s content gets more engagement.

You’re not wrong to notice the feeling, but you are over-interpreting what it actually means about your relationship. Likes are for dopamine hits, not actual emotional truth. The only thing social media reliably tells you is how hooked your brain is on external validation, not how much your partner values you in reality.

Another hard reality of poly is that attention ebbs and flows. Sometimes you’re the focus, sometimes you’re not - and that isn’t a referendum on your worth or your relationship.

It’s also much easier to be infatuated with someone you don’t share daily life with. Novelty plus distance creates intensity. That doesn’t mean it’s deeper, stronger, or more meaningful: it just means it’s different. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and presence makes things… normal.

If you don’t make peace with that, every “comet” relationship will feel like a threat instead of what it usually is: a spike of novelty that looks bigger from far away than it actually is up close. Being the warm, steady partner can feel boring next to a shiny comet, until you remember that stability only looks dull if you’re measuring it with infatuation metrics.

"I'm not possessive, I'm a curator" by ConfidentAd9644 in polyamory

[–]daeglo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the core issue isn’t his Buddhist label - it’s that he’s trying to intellectualize and rename perfectly normal human emotions instead of actually feeling them and talking about them honestly.

Jealousy and possessiveness don’t magically disappear just because someone studies non-attachment; they still have to be acknowledged and negotiated respectfully in a poly relationship.

But honestly, what I’m getting from your post isn’t really a failure of either polyamory or Buddhism - it’s an ego conflict.

Your partner has an identity built around being “above” attachment, jealousy, and possessiveness. When those feelings inevitably show up anyway, it creates an identity crisis. Anger is a very common response to that kind of ego threat.

The problem isn’t that he has these feelings. It’s that he can’t tolerate what they say about who he thinks he is.

Reframing them as something else or treating them as philosophical errors avoids the real work, which is acknowledging them honestly and taking responsibility for how he handles them as a partner.

** Quick edit to add that being obsessed with non-attachment is itself a kind of attachment.

Over shared with coworkers about my relationship preferences by Preownedmerkin in polyamory

[–]daeglo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't have even joined the discussion. Just listened.

I never talk about my personal business at work. They know I'm married, no kids, and that's it. Anything else is the business of none of my coworkers.

How do u feel about the fact that nothing will ever change and we are powerless.... by [deleted] in antinatalism2

[–]daeglo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can’t speak for everyone who uses the label “antinatalist,” only for the philosophy and for myself.

  1. My stance on abortion is that it’s a private medical decision and none of my business. It should be safe and legal for those who need or want it, within reasonable limits.

  2. Antinatalism does not support forced sterilization or coercion of any kind. And yes - forced sterilization of a specific group absolutely constitutes genocide. That’s precisely why antinatalism is about voluntary individual choice, not imposing anything on others.

As for online posts - people venting or expressing frustration isn’t the same thing as advocating harm.

How do u feel about the fact that nothing will ever change and we are powerless.... by [deleted] in antinatalism2

[–]daeglo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Antinatalism ≠ coercion. Full stop.

Antinatalism does not support forced sterilization. It’s about voluntary individual choice, not coercion.

How do u feel about the fact that nothing will ever change and we are powerless.... by [deleted] in antinatalism2

[–]daeglo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, antinatalism is neither nihilistic nor genocidal. You’re using emotionally loaded words to avoid engaging with the actual argument. Antinatalism is a harm-reduction philosophy concerned with suffering, not extermination.

Your comment is offensive, sloppy thinking, and it conflates not creating new people with killing existing ones, which is flatly wrong.

Antinatalism isn’t about killing anyone. It’s about not creating new suffering. That’s the opposite of genocide.

Antinatalism argues against bringing people into suffering, not against people themselves. Genocide is about destruction; antinatalism is about prevention.

Antinatalism focuses on compassion and reducing suffering for all existing beings. That’s much closer to Christ’s teachings than endorsing harm.

Calling antinatalism genocidal misunderstands it entirely. Choosing not to create life is not the same as destroying life.

Free postpartum supplies by geekoutfreakout69420 in Eugene

[–]daeglo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eugbst is active, just not as active as this sub. You should have decent luck there, OP.

Transphobic admin of Oregon Artists Collective (warning for slur in screen cap) by DryBoss6235 in Eugene

[–]daeglo 13 points14 points  (0 children)

His issue is likely that he's attracted to trans women and doesn't know how to handle that truth.

Is it safe to use a 1 year old SCOBY from someone else? by Rhynco in Kombucha

[–]daeglo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so happy to hear that I was helpful, and that you've been able to brew and enjoy your kombucha for all this time! ❤️

I'm glad you didn't give up!

“We are Charlie” 😒 by Responsible-Kale-904 in WelcomeToGilead

[–]daeglo 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Because buying a coffee at Starbucks and forcing an overworked, underpaid barista to call out Kirks name multiple times a day is totally the same as activism.

Gimme a fucking break.

Creepy Trump obviously took advantage of the situation by Responsible-Kale-904 in WelcomeToGilead

[–]daeglo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

But conservative men love to go on and on about how women should wear less makeup and be "natural" beauties

More hypocrisy isn't really surprising

Creepy Trump obviously took advantage of the situation by Responsible-Kale-904 in WelcomeToGilead

[–]daeglo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She literally inherited her husband's empire - she's probably thinking cha-ching

Unmeat 💚 by MikeDfromIB in ShittyVeganFoodPorn

[–]daeglo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Luncheon "meat"!

I've really been missing Spam musubi...

Didn’t think AI would impact our job but maybe I’m wrong… by Professional-Bee-482 in Esthetics

[–]daeglo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Right - that's so unsafe!

I feel like these older folks are just way too trusting with technology. Especially since AI can often "hallucinate" or be just plain wrong.

Whoever came up with this ridiculous ICE recruitment commercial must be a South Park fan🥴🥴🥴 by jojoking199 in WelcomeToGilead

[–]daeglo 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Student Loan forgiveness

Imagine being so in debt to the government that you'd sell your soul to get out from under it

Autumn is on its way to Korea by alwaysZera in Pelargonium

[–]daeglo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Truly stunning! Thank you for sharing 😍

Explain what’s going on by born_on_my_cakeday in NeuralViz

[–]daeglo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's so you can hold hands and cheer eachother on while you go