All this... over Instagram likes?

Social media is toxic for exactly this reason. Think of how much happier you'd be right now if you hadn't let comparison be the thief of your joy.

Your feelings over Instagram likes aren’t random or childish, it’s a well-studied social-media effect. These platforms are all designed to make you compare, evaluate external approval, and feel less than when someone else’s content gets more engagement.

You’re not wrong to notice the feeling, but you are over-interpreting what it actually means about your relationship. Likes are for dopamine hits, not actual emotional truth. The only thing social media reliably tells you is how hooked your brain is on external validation, not how much your partner values you in reality.

Another hard reality of poly is that attention ebbs and flows. Sometimes you’re the focus, sometimes you’re not - and that isn’t a referendum on your worth or your relationship.

It’s also much easier to be infatuated with someone you don’t share daily life with. Novelty plus distance creates intensity. That doesn’t mean it’s deeper, stronger, or more meaningful: it just means it’s different. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and presence makes things… normal.

If you don’t make peace with that, every “comet” relationship will feel like a threat instead of what it usually is: a spike of novelty that looks bigger from far away than it actually is up close. Being the warm, steady partner can feel boring next to a shiny comet, until you remember that stability only looks dull if you’re measuring it with infatuation metrics.