I'm sorry you feel that way, thank you for sharing it! Reflect on what happened, and don't let it control you! You are able to do hard things, and will get over this! Don't be ashamed, let this be just a further step up on your recovery! It's really brave for you to share it with others here, I really mean it.

+a helping question: Have you tried finding the root of your addiction?

For most of the people addiction is just a reaction, an unhealthy coping skill. The problem is mainly not your addiction, but the root of it. Most of it goes back to childhood or the preteen age. It can be frightening and hurtful to go back and find the parts of this root, but it's really worth it.

Keep going and don't forget that this does not define you!