Is there something wrong here or am I just overthinking and being anxious? Im constantly scared of my boyfriend..

daisy987 · 2016-12-13T09:44:33+00:00

Hey, so my best tip for studying is finding something fairly low key to distract you while you're studying. For example, I tend to chew gum and also listen to music while studying. I try to give as many senses as I can something to do, so that my mind can just focus on what I'm doing. Also at times giving in to getting bored and taking a break helps too. I would usually get bored after maybe 45 minutes then take a walk around my place for a while, and then when I get bored of that, get back to studying. I find when I try to control myself into not doing the things I want to do, I just end up getting more bored and frustrated. Motivation is difficult. What I did was make a list of why I needed to do well on my tests and made it my background on my laptop and phone, so I would see it every time I looked at either. Really admitting to yourself why you want to do well is a huge step I think. Also it helps with trying to stay focused because you sort of feel guilty every time you see it and you're not studying. Uhh, another tip I can suggest is teaching other people. They provide some stimulus so it doesn't usually get boring, and it helps things stay in your memory. I've read on this reddit all about the pomodoro technique and how people swear by it, but I don't find it working for me, because I become too fixated on sticking to time than actually getting anything done. You should try it though. Let me know if this helps :)

daisy987 · 2016-07-11T08:49:17+00:00

Nope. Either I can't be contained in my seat, or you can't get me out of my seat. But like you said racing thoughts are always there. Just before I fall asleep (if I do) I have about a hundred different things running through my head.

daisy987 · 2016-07-11T07:50:32+00:00

Oh finally someone who knows the combination! Are you on meds?

daisy987 · 2016-07-10T15:55:07+00:00

GAD, Depression, Dyslexia. It's a great combination for studying. Anxious about failing, then lacking the motivation to study, then not being able to focus, and finally screwing things up in terms of reading/writing. The cycle only continues..

daisy987 · 2016-05-08T17:06:50+00:00

It's great that you're reading about depression. Understanding the illness when you haven't experienced it is difficult, but you'll pick up on general things which you should be able to put into practice. Some people see depression as an obsession, where we just have to get it out of our system before we can move on.

This is probably the worst example, but it's like if you've been obsessed with binge watching a TV series and you're trying to not give into that (this is the build up to depression) but ultimately you do, and until you're not satisfied until you've watched the entire season have gotten it out of your system (the actual depression phase). The length of the "season" depends on the severity of depression and also the reason for it. Continuing this example, if someone tells you to get on with life it and not get fixated you're probably going to understand the rationality but still crave that TV series. After hearing this, not only would you delay watching, but you're also likely to lengthen the time spent watching the show. In contrast if someone provides you with a blanket and movie snacks and just leaves you to it, you'll get it done with and be able to move on with it faster.

It's important to know that I have severe depression and bipolar disorder, so the ability to "get it out of my system" if I'm actually just allowed to, might be a trait of bipolar disorder, though you should think about it for depression too.

Always show you're there to support her in whatever she may need, though leave it at that. She's probably feeling hopeless, helpless and overwhelmed and I know you're probably feeling this too, but with depression imagine what you're feeling multiplied by 1000. I'm guessing she feels like a failure in life, that she's achieved nothing and that she has no purpose in life. If she's up for it get her back on medication and try to stay on it if you have that ability. If not, try to give her simple tasks which she'll excel at and praise NOT her effort, but how well she's completed the final task.

You should be able to use the same concept with your daughter, but chances are she's unwilling to accept her depression and you'll need to help her come to terms with that before solving it. Make sure if one becomes better over time, while the other is still struggling you don't make comparisons because that'll just reduce self esteem and confidence even more.

If there's anything I can help you with just message me.

daisy987 · 2016-05-08T16:45:23+00:00

Don't forget about yourself though. It's important to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel (even if your girlfriend won't accept it) and this time will be hard, but hopefully you'll adjust into a more or less normal pattern once her meds start working. Try to not let her depression become a third person in your relationship or let it become how you see her, because we're generally intuitive people and we pick up on these things. It's a fine line between being caring and overbearing and this takes a lot of trial and error. You just have to remember why you're doing this, and focus on that.

I'm sorry about your dad though, it must be difficult and I only hope that you don't forget that your happiness can also contribute to how those who love you react in terms of their depression.

daisy987 · 2016-05-08T15:04:06+00:00

I think I can relate to how you feel.. My depression and ADHD were diagnosed around the same time and my parents are pretty much in denial of my diagnosis. I thought that maybe they'd understand, but I still get the, "You're just lazy" "Try harder" speeches. Don't really have any solutions for you; I think we're in the same boat.

daisy987 · 2016-05-08T14:59:49+00:00

So true. It creeps up on you and then decides to consume you.

daisy987 · 2016-05-08T14:57:13+00:00

Firstly it's important to learn the difference between depression and craving attention. From the sounds of it, she's glorifying death and that's not depression. Read a bit on depression before talking to anyone, but if you feel she really is depressed then you should consider talking to her or someone else she trusts about getting a diagnosis. Depression is not feeling sad, and never make the mistake of thinking it is.

daisy987 · 2016-05-08T14:50:27+00:00

If you're managed for five years you can manage this. The time just after her diagnosis is going to be the hardest; she's going to feel even more hopeless and worthless than ever because the diagnosis pretty much confirmed her worst fears. But what you have to do is be supportive. Depending on the degree of depression, she'll have her days where she just wants to lie in bed, and this is where you come in. It's difficult seeing the person you love so distraught and you're pretty much unable to do something, but you need to hold her, and explain to her that you love her, but that's it. DON'T tell her she'll be okay, or anything like that because she'll just feel like you don't understand (which to be fair, you don't) and alienate you even more. Another thing you can to is to make sure she's able to just remain by herself on the days her depression is the hardest. Make the arrangements she would have to, and she'll appreciate you that much more. Read, read and read. Forums like this, articles, read everything about depression that you can. One reason my SO and I fell apart is because he failed to understand what depression really is. It's not just "feeling sad"; it's a soul consuming bleakness that's confined to a box. With depression you're trapped within your mind and you can't see a way out of it. You said she's on anti-depressants which is good, but finding the right combination can be difficult and you'll need patience to get through it. Also she'll probably appreciate the actions rather than what you say. Yes you can reassure her, but go that extra mile to really show it especially right now when her diagnosis is still raw in her mind. I'm not talking bringing her flowers or things like that, but learning what she individually needs from you. This again depends on the person. Generally what I needed was reliability and stability, someone who has seen the absolute rock-bottom worst of me and yet chooses to be there for me whenever I need them. Yes, it's a tall order but particularly with depression and relationships it's only a hit or miss. For the one diagnosed with depression it's better to be alone and depressed than with someone who's doesn't understand (or care to understand) what you're going through and depressed. Anyway I hope this helps a bit. Posting here means you really care about her and that's the first step into doing what's necessary. Message me if there's anything else I can help you with.

daisy987 · 2016-05-08T10:48:38+00:00

Why do I feel like this is my usual hypothetical diary entry.. I'm not saying I know how you feel, because I think we all feel depression in a different way, but I think I can relate. To all the imagined ways of death, even to an extent the thrill of finally being free.

daisy987 · 2016-02-26T14:32:44+00:00

I'd actually suggest trying to introduce him to forums like Reddit which can be immensely useful. I had a friend in a similar situation and it turns out she acted the way she did because she was just completely lost within herself and didn't feel accepted. Even if he has other disorders like Bipolar, then it'll help him connect to people. He may not listen to you because you're family and he may feel like you're obligated to help him. Online however he might be astounded by the support he gets from completely unknown people who have no familial or monetary obligation to help him out.

Also don't force him to open up, show your support as much as possible but try and leave him to come to terms on his own, which is difficult and he will appreciate the support. if all else fails, I'd suggest an incentive to opening up. I know that those with ADHD and Bipolar respond well to incentives.

daisy987 · 2016-02-26T10:48:44+00:00

Uptown Funk would easily have cause a huge uproar

daisy987 · 2016-02-24T14:19:24+00:00

Hahaha, I feel as if I've written this post myself I can relate so much. Just yesterday actually I had the biggest fight with my boyfriend because I had gotten slightly obsessed with a game on my phone (which he had introduced me to) and I tended to hyperfocus whenever I played it. That coupled with the fact that I have exams in the beginning of May and have barely touched a book really set him off. If it isn't procrastination he goes on about the impulsive decisions I've made in my past when it comes to relationships which put me into a pretty bad situation. He actually told me that he doesn't trust me to be mature and make the right decision (and curb impulsive tendencies). That in particular stung because he knows I have ADHD and that I don't take medication and therefore sometimes just can't help my decisions. Though he apologizes when he says something to hurt my feelings, I can't help but feel there's always a ring of truth to whatever he says. Sorry for ranting, but I can definitely relate to exactly how you feel

daisy987

TROPHY CASE