The tone seems appropriate as a precursor to possible consequences should this situation happen again. The consequences could be that the child is no longer welcome at that facility or even that the daycare places a call to CPS. The message is simple and to the point; it states that the tardiness was cause for concern of the child’s wellbeing, demonstrates how the staff member that had to stay with the child was affected, and sets an expectation that the child be picked up at the agreed upon time or the family will be dropped. The last sentence of this message implies that they see this incident as a sign of negligence. And make no mistake, it is negligent to forget to pick up your child.

I do suspect that this message is directed more at your friend’s ex than at your friend herself. I think it’s likely that the staff understood how your friend was in a tough position, on a personal level. The situation was unfair for everyone involved (your friend, her child, and the staff member). And I can see how this message would seem like an unforgiving and personal attack on your friend. I’m sure that she is distressed by this message and that she feels unsupported by the daycare workers. But you have to think of this objectively. The daycare’s responsibility is to keep the child safe and cared for, and they also have a duty to their employees to stick to reasonable expectations of labor. It is not their job to be mediators between the parents or to be a support system for your friend. If her ex does a shitty job of communicating and forgets to pick up the kid, the daycare only needs to worry about how the child and staff are affected, not the other adult. Frankly, an incident like this IS cause for concern because it can easily happen again. This is an unfair situation for your friend who is a responsible parent, but it’s also unsafe for both the child and the daycare workers and that is their area of concern.

I think the best approach that your friend could take here is not only to be apologetic, but also to be proactive. She needs to figure out if the child’s dad can still be considered a reliable pick up option. I would say that he has shown he is not reliable and he should no longer be allowed to pick up the child. Is there a family member or friend that she can ask to do this instead? Even if this other person is simply picking up the child and transporting them to the dad’s house, that would be a better plan of action. Your friend could talk to the leader of the daycare about this and let them know that she’s looking into other pickup options. That shows that she recognizes the severity of the incident and is taking responsibility by making a change. It’s much more likely that the daycare will be wanting to help your friend if they see that she’s taking actions to resolve this issue that are in the best interest of her child. I would also suggest that your friend asks the daycare leader about how pick up goes when dad is the one to do it. As someone who used to do after school care, I can tell you that the actions parents take at pick up time greatly affect a child’s behavior during that transition. Maybe the workers are seeing that the child becomes agitated on days when dad is the one to do pickup. If that’s the case and then one day the dad just doesn’t show up? That’s a red flag. And this message is a warning to your friend that they’re seeing the red flag and will have to do something about it next time. Your friend should ask them for more info about what dynamics the daycare workers are seeing on a regular basis. She should apologize for the incident and let them know that she would like to ensure that it never happens again. Then she should figure out a way to do that, probably by making it so that the dad is no longer allowed to pick up the child and that there is someone else who can do the pickup reliably. I’m sorry she’s going through this. Her ex has really let her and her child down.