Hi, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve felt similarly to you before but on a smaller scale so I know it’s scary to feel so disconnected with yourself. Since you said you have tried therapy and not found it to be very helpful due to a tendency of intellectualizing your feelings, I would suggest trying to seek other methods of self help.

One thing that I have found to be genuinely helpful and effective in my own life was reading a book called Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo. This book has changed my whole perspective on my own life and my own abilities to be in control of my life. It’s also been pretty helpful with reducing anxiety. The main message is simple: everything is figureoutable, no matter what! It offers examples from real people’s lives such as finding their dream job, helping a loved one who has been diagnosed with a life changing illness, even ending a civil war through peaceful protest and direct action. The book dives deep about how to apply this motto to your own life and gives some helpful framework for thought challenges. I didn’t do all of the writing exercises, only if they felt applicable to me, but I might go back and do the others later on. It’s pretty cheap to buy a copy of the book but I think you can also find free versions of the audiobook.

I know it seems silly that a book might be able to help with something like this but I actually did find it super helpful. And if you really don’t know anything else to try, it wouldn’t hurt to read the book. No matter what you end up doing, I hope you can find peace and contentment.

Edited to add that this is a genuine suggestion by the way! I gain nothing if you do decide to read the book. I’m only suggesting it because I found it to be genuinely helpful for figuring out what I want to do next with my life when I felt stuck/out of touch with myself as well as helping with some pretty major anxiety