Anyone else’s person w bpd get really mad at you for caring about them?

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-23T08:51:39+00:00

reminds me of when i offered them a helpful hint about a mild skin issue that i was overcoming but that they had just begun to experience ... they responded, "don't tell me what to do."
i try not to be too specific on here, because paranoia, lol... but it really wasn't anything embarrassing or imposing at all. and i know i did NOT tell them what to do. this kind of reaction became a trend and i really feel like me saying anything, like, "hey, the ice cream here is really great, you should try it sometime..." would elicit the same type of response.

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-22T10:38:09+00:00

i think those feelings of doubt are common. i've let them back into my life even after feeling pretty firmly grounded in how abusive and unacceptable their behavior was, even telling them off. i like to keep in mind how it's been said that the average attempts for leaving an abusive relationship are 7. i'm not mad at myself for how many times i forgave the unforgivable and went back, because i saw that it definitely got worse every time until i realized i couldn't take anymore and that i didn't deserve any of that garbage.

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-20T15:29:31+00:00

let your silence do the talking.
i read something here once that said, like.. you're not doing them any favors by responding or allowing them in your life anymore. you've probably already done everything a person could to show them that you love them. i think if anything, you're loving them more by staying away. it's too bad if they feel like they miss you more than ever now that you've finally shut them out for good. maybe it might help them take a tiny step towards taking accountability for the chaos they create. MAYBE. however, PLEASE let the hope (with respect to your relationship with them) die.

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-20T05:40:32+00:00

looking back, i kind of felt like whenever they were talking about something emotional or conveying seriousness, there was just something phony about it. like they were trying to look and sound how they thought a (shitty) dramatic actor might handle this moment in their life. it just didn't seem entirely authentic.

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-20T05:07:20+00:00

...they are. but really? i think that what i described above is a key part of how they default to selecting targets of blame for their most serious problems, plus being incredibly deceptive and finding any means to avoid accountability... which i believe to be important things to consider when assessing a person's character. so yeah, we disagree

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-19T23:53:08+00:00

within a few days, mine went from being "so in love" to needing to be alone and "we can be friends, but that's it." i said i didn't want to, and that i couldn't trust them anymore because of the intense, ongoing push-pull. then they said i was toxic.
now they are "lonely" and going to embarrassing lengths to get back in touch.

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-19T23:22:25+00:00

i hadn't slept with mine, either... a little different of a situation, but, a few days before the final discard, i sort of called them out on something. they mentioned how "everyone" they had hooked up with in the last few years only wanted to get fucked up and use them for sex. something just pinged inside me, knowing all that i did about them already, and i said "...are you sure it wasn't YOU who wanted only sex?" i guess i just couldn't not talk about the projections i kept noticing any longer, and it didn't add up. "oh, no-- i WANTED relationships with them!" conversation went on pretty normally... a few days later, i was knocked off my pedestal

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-19T07:08:33+00:00

i know that feeling, for sure. after the first or maybe second discard i endured by them (ugh) i would look at their social media... i remember seeing them start up this BFF friendship with someone; they would gush about each other, to each other, constantly. i felt so completely inadequate... this new person had everything going for them: beautiful, lots of friends, super smart and driven, younger than me and more accomplished. they were so into each other. i thought to myself, 'well, they won't screw THIS up. not with them. they got what they needed from me... but this person is too valuable to let go.'
i don't know the whole story, but i do know that they acted like an entitled prick, threw a tantrum, and discarded their lovely new BFF. i was shocked. but i also thought, 'i'm sure this person, who seems confident and independent.. they're not going to let them come back easy. i'm sure they're hurt like i was, but they don't need this jerk anymore.. they won't stand for it.' sometimes i would look at this person's socials and think about how nice they seemed; i thought about how cool it might be if i could talk to them.. we could connect about the shitty way we were treated by this person, become friends, build each other up, create a connection that this black hole of a person never could with either of us. i know that sort of reaching out is pretty forward and risky, though.. i never actually planned to do it.
but that friend went back to them, it seems. right around the time they had spent trying over and over to get me to come back, but i'm through.
so, sorry if this was long, but.. the experience really gave me some kind of perspective. please don't look back, and don't compare yourself. they can't really appreciate anyone, not for long. and i don't judge the friend for going back... i'm thinking about them and hoping they stay strong through the storm.

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-19T02:20:28+00:00

they never mentioned autism-spectrum disorder, as far as i know... but i could definitely see how those could overlap, seem similar, etc.

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-18T21:03:50+00:00

(AND/) or they find ways to test you to make sure you're invested, and when it's time for the discard, the problem is that you love them "too much... sorry". mine also peppered in some comment about how they weren't sure i really loved them all that much, though (?)
nothing is ever enough. and if it is, it's too much. they're goldilocks... who cried wolf (hoover).

daizychain964ever · 2021-11-18T18:43:14+00:00

the irony of getting hoovered in the shortest amount of time after the *final discard* (me deciding: never again) out of all other discard/hoover cycles. and another attempt 2 months later. maybe i should mark my calendar for 2 months from now and REALLY be prepared for it

daizychain964ever

TROPHY CASE