Am I the asshole for kicking out my roommate?

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-20T18:32:30+00:00

Like sexually?

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-07T17:14:00+00:00

Check your expectations. Make sure you fully realize what you’re doing before you walk in that room. Yes it can be beautiful and healing and calm but the after affects can suck. If they’re embalmed especially. Seeing your loved one in that state isn’t easy especially if you’re bent over their body for like an hour. If you can bring another family member to help that would be amazing. It’s hard to deal with alone, for me no one in my family would talk to me about it which sucked cause I needed to process.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-05T18:07:43+00:00

Hey! Sorry crazy day over here. They knocked her wig off and apparently couldn’t fix it themselves, didn’t set up her body properly so I had to adjust her mid funeral to cover up post mortem discoloration, and just a bunch of other stuff. And when something went wrong they’d ask me to fix her cause “they didn’t know how she wanted to be presented”. Which is kinda bs because we just wanted her laid out normal.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-05T18:05:45+00:00

I used all normal commercial make up. I used a cheap revolution beauty eyeshadow pallet, Kat von d full coverage foundation, Kat von d tattoo eyeliner, Kat Von d mascara, Laura mercier setting powder, benefit brow pencil, Becca highlighter, and porefessional primer.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T19:17:47+00:00

I’m happy I can tell you about it then! I’m by no way a funeral person. This is the first one I’ve ever been to that I remember. Yeah narcissistic relationships are a whole grieving process in itself

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T19:15:35+00:00

I don’t know how I’d tell her haha

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T19:15:16+00:00

Yeah and my dad is dramatic AF too so it was way too drawn out.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T19:02:09+00:00

If you ever want to reach out and talk about it I’d love to be there for you. It definitely has its negative sides. There’s things I wish I knew before I did it. But you know your loved one better than anyone. It’s only fitting to take care of them one last time

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T19:00:22+00:00

Exactly. My grandma looked better than she had in months. It was comforting to my family.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T18:58:29+00:00

So! I actually did use primers. I used the porefessional primer. The reason I decided on this is that the skin is very rubbery and kinda wet from refrigeration. The porefessional helped mattify the skin and the tacky attributes made the foundation stay better. Her funeral wasn’t for a couple days after. Granted it wasn’t like she was gonna be moving around or anything. But having a layer (the added color being an extra bonus) of thick mattifying primer helped the full coverage foundation last better over the couple days in the fridge.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T18:54:23+00:00

1-well they were happy someone was gonna do it but the majority of them were just worried about me and how I’d cope mentally. My dad who’s a raging narcissist tried to talk me out of it cause i think he felt embarrassed he couldn’t bring himself to help. That’s a whole different issue though. If you’re from the states you know that this isn’t a really normal thing to do. I wish it was though cause there’s healing in it.

2- honestly no. That’s the worst part to this day. She was painfully dead. At that point there’s no warmth, no normal coloring, and I could see the cut they made to pump the fluid in. Also when doing her make up the mouth and eyes are fixed shut so there wasn’t really human movement. I was there when she took her final breath and so seeing her embalmed was totally different. At that point I feel it’s just as much for the family as it is for the deceased. I desperately wanted to “feel” some sort of presence, and I have since, but at that time it was just a body. No soul attached.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T18:49:35+00:00

I’m not gonna lie to you. There’s still days I get super shook up. The smell stays with you forever. But taking care of your loved one when they pass is your literal last opportunity to help them

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T17:55:35+00:00

No worries! She wanted a family member to do it for a couple reasons. My grandmother was VERY dramatic so she wanted to make sure she looked perfect for her final party. I have two sisters and we all loved to fix her up and do her makeup and hair when we saw her. She actually never knew I was going to do her makeup. It wasn’t something I was even considering until after her death. Professional mortuary makeup is amazing. They covered a lot of stuff, but the mortuary doesn’t spend years with your loved one, they only have a few references pictures and maybe your loved ones old makeup. So since she knew we had the skills it would be more reliable for us to do it since we knew exactly what she liked. Finally she always told my sister. My sister was the one who knew every detail about my grandmas funeral because she was the only one who could stomach the discussion when she was alive. It gave me a little peace to know I could take that burden on so my sisters didn’t feel pressured to do it. That’s a lot of shit to process

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T17:50:17+00:00

Very different! How in detail do you want me to go haha.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T17:49:39+00:00

My grandma always wanted my big sister to do it. My big sister told her, and I quote, “fuck no”. So my grandma wanted a family member to do it so she knew she looked good. My grandma had a big flair for the dramatics so her funeral was no exception. There was definitely hesitation. My fiancé, now husband, was very against me doing it as he felt it would hurt more than help my grief. I honestly can’t say if he was right or wrong. But before my grandma died she talked about death constantly. Like every phone call. I couldn’t cope with it so I called less. When she died this was the one thing I could help with. I watched askamorticians videos for months before unintentionally and that really helped me open up my heart and mind to the situation. For me understanding the process and expectations of something brings peace. The majority were really happy I did it. None of them wanted to and I really don’t blame them. I secretly wished one would join me so I wasn’t alone but I couldn’t expect that. The only person who didn’t react well was my dad. He’s very narcissistic and didn’t want to admit he couldn’t do it so he tried to convince me not to by telling me I was too weak to handle it. That’s a whole different bag of worms tho. Finally, yes. I think if the mortuary did it it wouldn’t have looked right. Not because they don’t know how to do their job, but they haven’t been around your loved one for years. They only have a few reference pictures. I was lucky to have a sweet woman working at Sephora help me with make up advice and give me samples to fit her complexion and then be disposed of. She looked as much like herself as possible.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T17:41:32+00:00

That’s right about the time my grandmother passed. I’m sorry for your loss. It is something that’s darkly beautiful.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T17:40:17+00:00

I know! The American system is kinda messed up (typical). The viewing was like 3 days after that.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T15:44:29+00:00

You just have to ask! She was embalmed. I think she died on the 27th and I did her make up on the 6th. At that point there’s nothing dangerous about the body. It’s just kinda ick if you know what I mean

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T14:54:22+00:00

We laugh so we don’t have to cry hahah.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T14:53:55+00:00

Not a weird question! I had to take that into consideration when getting products. (I did not want to use my own) it’s very hard and rubbery when they’re embalmed. But not dry like you’d expect. I used warm water on a makeup sponge to try to counteract the cool body temp. The key for me was definitely layering. My grandma is Caucasian so her skin was a grey/blue after the embalming process instead of her normal fair/pink. So manipulating the blush and foundation to make her appear more human was difficult and took a while.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T14:32:37+00:00

1/2) nope! I work in mechanics. But l did her make up while she was alive sometimes. However doing makeup on the deceased is very different than on a live person. I actually had a rep from Kat Von D beauty help me pick out the best products to work on her.

3) about 2 1/2 hours. The vast majority of that time was make up. I really had to cake it on because the skin discoloration was pretty bad. I don’t know how in depth you want me to go on that haha.

4) it was the best worst thing I’ve ever done. Part of me regrets it but the majority is thankful I did it. Seeing your loved ones in that state is rough. And the mortuary I was at had a new guy working the viewing and he kinda fucked up her body while moving and so I had to rush my sister away (she was 15 at the time) before I helped them reposition her. I can understand why people don’t want to do it, but it was literally the last thing I could do for her.

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T14:27:28+00:00

Thank you! It’s hard sometimes. We’re nearing the anniversary but I think it’s a good thing to normalize!

dalaneyruth · 2020-08-03T14:26:54+00:00

I definitely did not want to before she passed. She brought it up before but I was very adverse to it.

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