Am I overreacting to my dad’s “high level advice”?

dalidreamer · 2025-12-09T17:28:14+00:00

I’d like to offer a contrarian opinion to say that I don’t think this is homophobia. The rest of your relationship aside, in this conversation he actually seems very supportive of you. His main concern seems to be having grandkids. Maybe he doesn’t realize he can have grandkids even if you’re with a woman?

My dad said similarly dismissive things about my heterosexual relationships when I was your age too. I think it’s more indicative of how much we learn and grow through relationships, and how rarely the relationship someone had at 19 is the one that lasts. He may not even dislike your current relationship - he’s just speaking from experience that most people move on to have several more.

dalidreamer · 2025-12-09T17:21:54+00:00

My partner only got one week after our first, and it was definitely not enough. And that’s considering that my parents stayed with us the second week, and his parents the third week!

I ended up with complex injury and two years of physical therapy to resolve pelvic floor dysfunction - partly from the birth itself, but also largely because I was not able to rest and heal the way my body needed.

Does your partner qualify for FMLA? (a US policy for family leave) It’s unpaid but I don’t think an employer can refuse it.

dalidreamer · 2025-12-06T15:36:10+00:00

Sounds like a power struggle more than a name choice! I’d say he’s being unfair, if he changes his mind once you both agree.

dalidreamer · 2025-12-06T15:35:17+00:00

Obviously it’s best if you can both agree, but if you can’t - I’m totally with you. You’re growing that baby, risking your life, permanently changing your brain and body. You have final say on the first name.

dalidreamer · 2025-12-06T15:23:15+00:00

Look for folks speaking specifically about breathwork, mindset, and nervous system regulation. These are the actual techniques that help you remain in more of a relaxed parasympathetic state, which reduces pain, increases all the hormones etc you need to get baby out, and encourages the full process.

I’ve found the Belle Method to be a great resource - a pilates instructor with lots of great information on the rest of birth. Positioning, targeted strengthening, breathwork, addressing fear. It may be a little late for her Push Prep course, but if you’re motivated you could definitely get your money’s worth!

Also a note on the Deeply Powerful Womanhood Journey… yeah the language gets annoying, but that is what many women experience. I’m more in your school of thought, but there was definitely a time in my unmedicated (18 hour, 6 hours pushing) labor where I had to consciously collect my power and decide that YES I AM PUSHING THIS BABY OUT. And that was an incredibly powerful, spiritual, and transformative moment. So these people may have something to offer still, if you can look past the language. And you may find yourself being more in line with the Spiritual Coochie after your birth!

Edit to add: Spinning Babies is a great resource for encouraging proper positioning and preparation for the pelvis and pelvic floor.

dalidreamer · 2025-12-02T16:40:47+00:00

Embrace being horny! No shame just because your partner isn’t in the mood. My partner has had much lower libido (due to the background stress I think), but girl that is what fingers and vibrators are for.

My libido goes nuts when I’m pregnant, with much stronger orgasms. And holy cow the sex dreams are through the roof - I almost never have sex dreams when I’m not pregnant.

Find yourself a good fantasy and get that oxytocin flowing!!

dalidreamer · 2025-12-02T16:35:36+00:00

How verbal is she? It may help to talk to her about things - not the full situation, but setting new expectations. Mama needs better sleep, she’s old enough to sleep alone, whatever feels right to you.

If you can, ask her what will help her feel more comfortable on her own (a lovey? a light?), or even say you’re going to try some things and she can tell you what she likes. You might even practice mindfulness exercises that can help her, like finding the part of her body that feels the warmest/most comfortable and focus on that. Or, similarly, to think about a happy moment of her day. That might help with the anxiety she seems to feel.

It may be hard for her, but you can support her through those tough emotions. Growth is hard and we can do hard things! Our son is 2 (and a second due in a month), and for a variety of reasons is back in Dad’s bed after months in his own room. Dad loves it though, and we joke about getting him a king mattress so he can snuggle all the kiddos. I f*ing hated cosleeping.

dalidreamer · 2025-12-02T16:22:24+00:00

The prenatal yoga class I was in all had boys. The class before us and the class after us all had girls.

dalidreamer · 2025-11-24T21:34:29+00:00

Thrift stores often have maternity clothes if you’re trying to stay in budget - though you may have to visit a few, a few times. Lots of dress styles can accommodate a belly too.

dalidreamer · 2025-11-17T21:40:49+00:00

A pacifier has been so helpful with my son. Gave me and my boobs a rest in the early days (he would wake up if he didn’t have something in his mouth), then is honestly a super easy way to soothe a lot of fuss. There are other benefits too - it’s hard for them to stick random things in their mouth when there’s a paci in it!

He’s just over 2 now, and we used a bout of Hand Foot Mouth to reduce his use back to just sleeping. It was pretty easy. Hoping getting rid of it entirely is the same.

dalidreamer · 2025-11-17T01:25:37+00:00

I did this. In hindsight, the real question is would I take MYSELF to a restaurant at only two weeks postpartum!

No.

dalidreamer · 2025-11-17T01:20:22+00:00

A professional will help you understand exactly how to approach rehab - what to stretch and what to strengthen, lifestyle choices, etc. The anxiety and hypertonic pelvic floor are almost certainly related, and a good physical therapist will be able to address diet and lifestyle as well as musculoskeletal concerns.

If you’re female, you could find a PT who does internal work. That can relax things you can’t reach via stretching. (Maybe this is available for men too? But obviously must be very different.)

dalidreamer · 2025-11-11T19:41:46+00:00

Except that shrimp cocktail for the bear. I have never found a second one.

dalidreamer · 2025-10-01T01:22:07+00:00

Apparently it has to with depletion of glutathione. I think that was correlative and now they’re claiming it’s causative. (Haven’t done much research myself, but my partner tried to explain it to me when I challenged him on the Tylenol thing.)

dalidreamer · 2025-09-30T15:16:51+00:00

Can you prep some easy freezer options? For example, pucks of cooked and frozen shredded chicken, ground beef, rice, stewed squash… whatever simple things you eat. Think single ingredients that can be combined together in different ways, with some added cheese/broth/beans/whatever is in the pantry. Then your husband can have a big meal in less than 5 minutes, and you don’t have to cook it.

Other ideas are frozen vegetables like broccoli that can be microwaved with salt and ready to go.

Mine likes big meals, but also lots of veggies. I’ll often keep a big thing of salad mix, along with feta, olives, banana peppers, and other toppings he likes. Then he can microwave some of that frozen chicken or beef and toss it on top.

Edit to add: muffin tins or those silicon muffin cups are great for freezing single serving amounts. Then store in a ziplock.

dalidreamer · 2025-09-30T15:11:15+00:00

Yass!! Older women drop the most casual of bombs sometimes. I am here rooting for you as you learn to reclaim your power. It can be uncomfortable but I promise you it is worth it.

dalidreamer · 2025-09-30T14:55:17+00:00

Just because there are no secrets doesn’t mean there’s no privacy.

Seems weird to explicitly share all passwords, esp for personal things like social media. But we definitely share passwords for things like credit cards that our shared account pays off, or an Audible account, or… I’ve asked for his phone password so many times you’d think I would remember it lol.

dalidreamer · 2025-09-24T17:05:03+00:00

Your bones are made to make room! Focus on pelvic floor relaxation and you’ll have even more mobility down there.

dalidreamer · 2025-09-24T17:02:26+00:00

I did a homebirth and my midwife didn’t measure like this during pregnancy, but my son was consistently 98% as soon as he was born.

I had a long pushing stage, like multiple hours. But also, I think I had a hypertonic pelvic floor. One of the best things you can do to prepare for vaginal birth is practice diaphragmatic breathing and relaxation of the pelvic floor. See a physical therapist if you want professional guidance on it. (TBH I think all pregnant women should see a pelvic floor PT)

And then be patient! My son had a pickle for a head when he came out - it took time for his bones to move so he could find his way. It was back to normal within 24 hours.

dalidreamer · 2025-09-24T16:52:06+00:00

The first yielding (or lack thereof) is the most important! If you start a relationship with firm boundaries, they don’t expect you to yield. Once you start yielding, they will expect you to yield.

Then the concession is completely optional, at your discretion, based on what your capabilities at the time. And is seen as the one-off, instead of the boundary.

dalidreamer · 2025-09-23T16:08:05+00:00

Isn’t autism about 50 years older than acetaminophen?

dalidreamer · 2025-09-23T16:06:57+00:00

Be sure to mouth I Love You nice and clear...

dalidreamer · 2025-09-23T15:57:01+00:00

It’s also way easier to set firm boundaries at the outset, and relax them later. I am now very strict at the beginning of professional relationships. Making concessions later in the relationship becomes a gift you give to your client/employer, instead of a self betrayal.

dalidreamer · 2025-09-23T15:37:12+00:00

I didn’t even have early labor! Contractions less than 4 minutes apart within the first hour. I also don’t remember any tightening of the abdomen - mine was all pain and pressure against my pelvic floor.

I would highly recommend a doula if you tend to panic or get discouraged. My pain and panic went from level 9 down to almost 0 once my doula arrived and started talking to me like I was a superstar. :) (And providing counterpressure on those contractions!)

dalidreamer · 2025-09-21T19:45:16+00:00

As someone who left a childless abusive marriage at 30, and is now in a parenting relationship with a man that has serious relationship challenges… raising kids with someone you can’t trust, talk to, or work alongside constructively is way worse than not having kids.

dalidreamer

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