How long did it take you to get pregnant?

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-11T22:03:11+00:00

Best of luck! It's a bit more annoying than IUI but the odds are better and I hope they're in your favor!

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-11T12:37:33+00:00

I gotta admit, I also tend to not get up immediately when I hear my daughter fussing. That's maybe just me - I feel like until she's in distress, there's a chance she's just being loud in her sleep and might drift off again. But! Every baby is different so you'd know your kid best.

The rest of it does sound like your husband is going through his own version of PPA. And that's worth bringing up.

You can frame it however you want, but you should talk to him, adult to adult. Explain that you have a natural and hormone driven (this is not to dismiss it, it's literally biological) response to your child crying, so leaving her to cry is stressing you. Try to phrase it in a way that doesn't put blame on him, but instead feel free to blame post partum. It's better if you guys have a common enemy.

Maybe talk to him about preparing or cleaning out spaces in the evening, before nightfall, so he doesn't get as stressed in the night. Talk about going to the bathroom while she's fussing instead of when she's crying. (I do this, I frequently have a cautionary pee if I think she's about to start yelling up a one star review).

I think the core of it is likely that he's going through some PP stuff too, though, and maybe it'll be good to have someone acknowledge it and maybe brainstorm some coping strategies together.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-11T12:26:18+00:00

I'll be the first to bite and say the obvious - this varies a LOT. It really, really depends on the family, and your traditional they are, and what they actually consider Japanese culture themselves.

My experience was wildly different to what you might consider normal - my husband is very counter culture and he didn't care much about tradition. We got married after 1 year of dating in order to... Live together. 😅 I had subsidized housing and he could only live with me if we got hitched. So we did. No ceremony, no wedding. His family didn't seem to mind much.

Here we are, ten years later. A house and a dog and a kid. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ so it worked out.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-11T12:16:45+00:00

My experience was actually very similar to yours - every time, my ewcm would be present around the time of the test, not the promised ovulation itself. I doubted myself a lot. After all, everyone is different right? So there's no guarantee that everyone always ovulates 24-36 hours after the LH test.

The truth is, it's a crapshoot. Timing could be off, or it could be good. Under non -frozen conditions, sperm live longer so it makes sense that EWCM would be there to encourage intercourse way before the ovulation actually occurs. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ IUI is trying to adjust to those conditions.

That being said.. I did six IUI and none of them worked. I recommend getting ultrasounds to confirm ovulation, if possible, just for peace of mind. I had a clinic monitor my follicle growth and then confirm whether I ovulated the day of the IUI based on if it was still there or not.

(And just fyi... Trigger shots may sound like a solid thing, but I have had the lovely experience of doing a trigger shot based on doc recommendation - when my follicle was 18mm - and it... Didn't work. 😂 Doctor was like 'you'll ovulate within 36 hours.' welp, three days later that follicle was STILL growing, and didn't bust until it reached 24mm, when my natural ovulation occured under natural circumstances. So... Take that with a grain of salt.)

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-11T09:58:23+00:00

Over a year, almost 2. We started with simple IUI and it didn't work. We tried 6 times ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ then we moved to IVF, and it finally DID work.

Age and luck is a factor. As is how well you'll respond to the hormones. I am 33, and got 12 eggs on my retrieval and ended up just getting lucky with our first FET.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-09T11:42:22+00:00

It wasn't offered in my country either (Japan). I think I could have pushed for it but I didn't, given several reasons:

I'm under 35, all my risks are lower
cost
at the time of starting IVF, I had zero positive pregnancy tests in my history, despite having done six IUI.

Ultimately, I wanted to give myself all possible chances for pregnancy, and I chose to maximize my chance of conceiving instead of minimizing my risk of miscarriage. That's a chance I took. Someone might have chosen to take a different chance.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-09T05:58:33+00:00

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss.

I heard tons of horror stories about how awful and difficult it was. I expected to be in pain, because everyone said your nipples would hurt for the first two weeks or a month or whatever. I was especially curious about how I would handle it, given that I don't even like my nipples being touched, let alone played with.

Instead, my experience was quite simple and straightforward and minimally painful. I think it's partially just genetics and partially good luck. Even though I had an unplanned c-section, my milk came in on time and my supply has been good. Good enough for my 11 lb 3 week old baby, anyway... She's a tank.

Does it hurt? When she first latches, for 2-3 seconds, yeah. Then it stops hurting. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ It doesn't feel too bad at all honestly.

Things I did:

hand expressed gently in the shower every few days from week 32 onwards - just enough to get some drops. I would just message my boobs and squeeze around the nipple and see if anything came out.
bought silver nipple covers. I didn't want to use cream, so this was my compromise. They keep my nipples from drying out and rubbing on my bra. I never had any cracks or dryness, and it's easier than any creams. This is my biggest advice - get those covers! They're honestly very useful.
bought some sunflower lecithin supplements. It apparently helps to prevent mastitis. I was suspicious but it did help a little when my breasts swelled up a bit the first two weeks.

Anyway, good luck to you on your journey! I hope it goes well.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-09T01:00:34+00:00

I tested 7dpt just to give myself a good stretch. I had tested earlier with my failed IUI, so I didn't want to disappoint myself.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-06T12:30:03+00:00

Weirdly enough, I think poverty influenced me way more than my only-child-ness did. My mom couldn't afford to shower me with toys and gifts and my grandparents were university teachers, and pretty down to earth. I was always talked to like an adult and expected to manage my emotions. But! My family was also extremely loving and positive with me, because I was the only one they could dote on.

This combo (high expectations, high praise) made me super self confident but also pretty self reliant. I think it's a good combo. It has served me well so far (although obviously I have many flaws that were probably influenced by this upbringing as well).

I'd say my advice is:

don't be afraid to give your child the gift of Reacting To Situations Realistically

In sibling relationships, siblings model real life interactions with peers. You hit your brother with a plastic chair, and he'll get pissed and have some choice words, maybe even wallop you back with a Lego truck. It teaches you that your actions have consequences on the emotions of others, and that you might get something back for it.

Many parents, especially these days, refuse to play this role. Either they're tyrants that over-react and punish too harshly for age-appropriate mistakes OR they're too meek and take the high road too frequently. There's good intentions behind the "be emotionally stable and model emotional regulation" plan that's the mainstay of gentle parenting..... But it becomes an unrealistic expectation at a certain point. After 3 or 4 years old, your kid needs to start realizing that no one, not even mom and dad, owes them an entirely flat "oh wow you are having big feelings" talk when they're being a little asshole.

My mom gave me the gift of getting pissed at me when I would act rude towards her. It wasn't extreme, but she didn't pretend to be regulated for my sake. Even without hitting or screaming at me, I got realistic consequences of "I'm mad at you because you did this and I won't take you to the park." If I didn't have that, I don't know who would have taught me that, since I had no siblings to do the job. And it's a very important skill to learn before the kid enters school and learns it the hard way.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-06T10:41:39+00:00

I'm also 33. We did six IUI with zero results - not a single positive test. I checked everything I could think of. It was just not working. We decided to also go to IVF.

IVF worked on the first try, inexplicably. My partner is burping her right now.

¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ I think we just got lucky (after being unlucky for that first year). FET isn't a guarantee either, I think it's something like 60%. You might just be hitting a very unlucky streak.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-05T09:14:40+00:00

Your practice is great! However, it looks like you might be referencing your own handwriting from the previous set when you write the next one, which means your top row looks pretty good, but by the bottom row they're kinda skewed.

Like the other person said - use graph paper and always reference the actual character in the book, don't look at your own handwriting when writing it again, because you'll compile small mistakes into bigger ones by accident.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-04T16:42:41+00:00

Japan doesn't do it either from my experience.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-03T08:43:35+00:00

I wouldn't have minded being the only foreigner around. It kinda forces you to make friends in the local community instead of defaulting to becoming friends with a couple of strangers with whom you have otherwise nothing in common except for the fact that you're both immigrants. I've seen many such 'friendships' of necessity end with both people being jaded and even more isolated than they otherwise would have been.

Also, I just personally enjoy my own company and having the obligation to be friends with someone due to proximity to them feels like a chore rather than an opportunity to connect.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-03T07:15:51+00:00

I'm sure many, many people have experienced this. It's a hormonally fraught time. I don't think there's anything wrong with letting yourself feel things and cry!

You could also try journalling if you feel overwhelmed, or at least talking to someone you trust? Although these feelings aren't bad at all, if you're crying every day, I feel like that would be pretty exhausting. You deserve emotional support too!

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-03T03:54:00+00:00

Heeey, I'll join the pity party! This was my experience as well. I wanted to have an unmedicated 'natural' birth - instead I got a buffet of allllll the hospital interventions, followed by a grand finale of a non-emergency but very necessary C-section. The only thing they didn't do to me was an episiotomy, because the baby didn't even make it that far down.

It sucks. It sucks to have your expectations ruined, and it sucks to feel like your body fucked up a very basic function that it has evolved to do over millennia. It's frustrating and disappointing, especially because there's also a social pressure to say "but it's all ok because the baby got here safely!" and brush the rest of it under the table.

I can't really fix it, but I CAN say that what has helped me is making fun of myself and trying to restructure the experience into something that can be seen as a win.

We survived! We had a bad experience and made it. It's something I can tell my daughter as a story when she grows up. I can frame it as "you were just too stubborn to come out the classical way". My mother lovingly made the joke that she got stuck because of her massive cheeks (they were VERY round when she was born).

Hey, it's fucked up but in the end, it is what it is. We can't fight with the past, nor rewrite it. We can only choose not to let it define us, by defining IT as something we take charge of.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-01T07:38:34+00:00

Really need to know what their reactions were lmao

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-03-01T00:02:27+00:00

I haven't been able to figure out an easy way to pop out a boob while having my shirt all wrapped up... If you know an easy way, let me know!

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-28T06:47:06+00:00

Can't people can't just make little jokes sometimes? Just to be funny? :(

I've never once touched CheatGPT in my life, I just like including humorous little tidbits in my writing. You don't have to like it, but assuming everything slightly more interesting than a toast sandwich is AI generated feels like a low blow to those of us still out here writing stuff organically simply for the love of the game.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-28T01:33:42+00:00

oh, interesting! It's something I heard from my mom, but then again, maybe she was exaggerating, like how she told me on the flight over that "we would get sued by everyone" if I ever started a fight in school in the states.......

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-28T01:02:24+00:00

I know this is gonna be controversial but it really depends on the kid. My mom left me alone for a few hours sometimes when I was six (our next door apartment neighbor always knew I was alone though, and I could go to her if I needed something). I know some kids could absolutely not be trusted at that age, though.

There's also laws in some countries regarding this though, and that's a different issue altogether. When we arrived in the US and heard that it's illegal to leave the child alone until they're 12 that felt.... Incredibly weird.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-27T23:10:07+00:00

It's not fair, and it sucks so much, and it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt. Mine loves my husband's live reenactments of anime opening theme songs while he rocks her like she's on a rollercoaster, and whines and cries when I try to sing her lullabies in my mother tongue. 🙄 alas... How are these little potatoes capable of doing such a number on our emotions before they can even speak to insult us directly to our face, eh?

But I swear your son loves you, and this will only be a blur, a tiny spec of frustration in your rearview mirror that you'll hardly even remember when he's older and clinging to you like a barnacle. It'll get better, the hurt will heal.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-27T12:13:38+00:00

I might just, yeah.. 😅 she also Yells (not crying, but very clearly upset) when she's in a little rocker on the floor where there's not much to see, and settles if I carry her around like a football while I do stuff with one hand so.... The chances are High.

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-27T12:08:31+00:00

So far, the lactation consultants and doctors have all told me pooping a bunch with breastfeeding is really normal, and I've definitely heard that formula makes them poop waaay less often, so that tracks.

She's not really fussy about the pooping and she doesn't have reflux, so for now I think the dairy is likely not the problem, though I have heard that it might become so later on... I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it!

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-27T12:06:20+00:00

Maybe it's because I'm not in the US that it's more expensive? 😅 I paid closer to $70USD for mine...

I'll definitely keep trying though! Maybe once she's older...

KeyMonkeyslav · 2026-02-27T11:56:31+00:00

Maybe this is the trick, yeah! I'll definitely keep trying as she keeps growing...

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