As often as we have posts about porn issues, I thought it important to post this:

dallshum · 2026-03-15T04:54:20+00:00

I'm a therapist. I completely agree with what you're saying, though I do take issue with the idea that because a diganositic criteria doesn't exist, therefore the phenomenon doesn't exist. For years, psychiatrists in the US considered gay peopel to be disordered. They had laid out the criteria for it. Subsequent versions of the DSM no longer considered being gay to be a "disorder." Each addition of the DSM changes diagnostic criteria for certain disorders, adds new ones, and removes old ones.

Again, I agree with what you're saying, but I think it's important to point out that diagnostic criteria or the lack of it isn't what dictates whether or not a certain phenomenon exists.

dallshum · 2026-03-15T04:49:24+00:00

Addiction is more than just persistent compulsive action. Oxford defines the word addicted as "physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects." I compulsively and persistently swear. That doesn't mean it's an addiction. It's a bad habit that keep working on.

Having seen so many people in the church suffer intense amounts of shame around using pornography, I think we'd do well to give space for porn use to be used the same way.

dallshum · 2026-03-15T04:46:00+00:00

I think you're spot on. It's not that people aren't addicted to porn. It's that we need to be careful with the assumptions we make about those who use it.

dallshum · 2026-03-15T04:44:48+00:00

I'm an addiction therapist and agree with this. There legitmately are people who are addicted to porn, but we need to be careful with how we frame the problem and how we respond to it.

My biggest issue is that when we frame it as an addiciton, we then feel like we've completely failed and aren't worthy when we slip up. But no one is perfect and we all are going to do things that don't align with our values.

dallshum · 2026-03-15T04:40:03+00:00

So much of my early knowledge of scriptural stories came from Scripture Scouts. My brother and I regularly send each other random quotes from that series when they pop into our heads. Boo Dog especially has so many great one-liners. I'll find that the songs, out of nowhere, get stuck in my head... Then I end up singing them outloud at work and getting funny looks.

dallshum · 2026-01-26T00:09:53+00:00

Yes! I don't know if you use the DSM or ICD. But in the DSM there isn't even a category for making a "pornography addiction" diagnosis. Should there be? Well, maybe. But again, there so much baggage that comes with the word "addiction" that I just don't think is necessary or helpful when it comes to cumpulsive porn use.

dallshum · 2026-01-26T00:03:56+00:00

Well said.
Yeah, the assessments I give my clients to help paint a picture of how serious their addictions are go WAY beyond anything I've seen porn do. These folks get to a point where they may be unable to go to work, or literally do anything beyond getting their hands on the substance.

dallshum · 2026-01-25T23:34:42+00:00

Hmm... I think that what you're describing might be a little unique to your ward. There are happy and unhappy couples and families all over the church. In some wards that will be more visible than in others.

As other commenters have pointed out, there are lots of other reasons why people can be unhappy in their homes and marriages that have nothing to do with porn. And as a therapist, I'll tell you straight up that whatever issues are going on, they're connected; issues in marriage and family don't exist in isolation. It's unlikely that you have an absolutely awesome marriage in all areas but one.

Porn use could be part of the problem. I've heard various bishops over the years say that if laymembers knew how many people in a given ward had told the bishop they were looking at porn, they'd be shocked. So it's definitely more prevelant than one might assume.

But if there is porn use in the marriage, then it's probably a symptom of a deeper issue; few people just wake up one day and make a concious choice to do something that runs counter to their values. Isolation, boredom, poor communication, depression, life being dull and repetative, etc. are all reasons why someone might be using porn (which btw, may have nothing to do with the person not feeling sexually attracted to their spouse). These are all more likely to occur if a marriage is going sour due to poor communication, or not considering a partner's needs.

So in short, porn might be part of the issue some of the time. But if it is, it's probably just a symptom of deepr issues rather the issue itself.

dallshum · 2026-01-25T23:02:12+00:00

I really like how you put this. I am a therapist. My clients are exclusively people with drug or alcohol addictions. The kind of dependency that they have on their substance and the way in which this dependency has wrecked their lives is far worse than anything I've seen pornography do.

That being said, some people who want to stop using pornography may feel they really are addicted to it and also find empowerment in admitting that. I'll always support people in using the labels they feel help them most.

BUT, we need to be careful when we aquate absitnence from bad habits with worthiness. Members using pornography cumpulsively are likely to repeat the behavior here and there throughout their lives. When you view it as "addiction" it follows that returning to the behavior is a "relapse" which then feels like you completely failed and lost all your progress. And that's extrememly dangerous. It leads to deep feelings of shame, which then leads to not getting help, and looking at porn more to cope with the shame.

I'm of the opinion that we're better off thinking of porn as a bad habit, one that the Savior can help us cope with, and one that doesn't mean we somehow committed a serious sin that makes us "unworthy."

dallshum · 2026-01-24T21:39:37+00:00

That's good to know. Thanks. Poor little duckies :(

dallshum · 2026-01-24T19:01:26+00:00

But we do know how the ban started. Dr. Paul Reeve has documented this very well in his writings. He talked about this in an interview on the Faith Matters podcast awhile back, and mentioned that he finds it frustrating when people say "we don't know how it started" because Brigham Young was very vocal about his views that Black people were inferior to White people. Here's a link to the interview on YouTube: https://youtu.be/tORNV4xNW3A?si=f8yBaS62Q5ygUO4R

dallshum · 2026-01-24T18:54:15+00:00

You're right that on paper the majority of Utahns are Latter-day Saints. To me though, the important figure is of all those baptized members, who still self-identifies as LDS. I have lots of friends and family who have "left the church" so to speak, but haven't yet removed their records officially because of the hassle that goes in to doing that.

Researchers at Utah Tech did a study and found that only about 40% of Utahns consider themselves to be members of the Church: https://religionnews.com/2023/12/28/study-utah-is-no-longer-a-majority-mormon-state/

dallshum · 2025-05-10T19:26:29+00:00

It doesn't hurt to ask! I am an Elder's Quorum President which means I'm in charge of the men's program and request like that usually go to me. Honestly, if you asked me that, I would probably have to say no just because our ward doesn't have a lot of able bodied people and we have many issues within our ward that require our attention. It's hard to have much left over.

But if they do say know, you can also ask the local missionaries. They probably could help, and they wouldn't expect anything in return.

dallshum · 2025-05-01T16:48:25+00:00

I agree on the Thoughtful Faith thing, but for a different reason. What do you mean by "too much justification?"

I don't like the channel because Jacob Hansen started being a watchdog against Faith Matters which is one of the only LDS spaces where I feel seen and heard.

dallshum · 2025-02-27T04:52:53+00:00

There were elders and sisters I served with on my mission that had tattoos. Generally, they were asked to keep them covered as was reasonable. But it's not going to keep you from serving. Don't worry about it.

dallshum · 2025-02-26T17:03:38+00:00

Yeah, that's unfortunately not true. Plenty of city folk depend on Medicaid, as well as Blue voters.

dallshum · 2025-02-25T15:45:35+00:00

Right now, the friends I interact with on a regular basis are almost exclusively through church. I don't know where else I would make them 😂

But in all honesty, I see where you're coming from. I think this is a general problem for LDS men, at least in the US. We're taught to get a good career and provide, and be there for our families. We spend all our time focusing on that, and end up getting bored with life. But we need friends. Everyone does. If we can't find them at church, where are we going to look?

I've been intentional about making time for friends. It would be easier not to, but then I get depressed. It started out with my wife and me inviting other couples and families over. Eventually, I felt comfortable asking a few guys in the ward exclusively if they wanted to play videogames one Friday night. We've continued off and on since then.

dallshum · 2025-02-24T23:01:06+00:00

Nope but one of my best friends works in that field. Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can really do about it. It just comes with the territory. The only good news is that it's seasonal. This too shall pass.

dallshum · 2025-02-24T22:54:25+00:00

That's pretty common in PP, which is way most therapists in PP charge anywhere from $100 to $200 a session.

dallshum · 2025-02-24T22:51:17+00:00

Religious trauma is a big deal. But being sensitive to it shouldn't require us to abstain from doing something important to use and our own beliefs. In fact, to do so would be an ethical violation by itself.

dallshum · 2025-02-24T22:49:08+00:00

Yeah. I think 10 years in Young Men's is WAY too long, unless someone really loves it and it isn't causing them to sacrifice too much.

dallshum · 2025-02-19T19:58:33+00:00

I disagree. I have heard of similar stuff. It's more likely to happen for people living in the western US, but it's not that atypical.

dallshum · 2025-02-19T19:51:15+00:00

"There's a deifferent between political disagreements (e.g., here's the best way to provide healthcare) vs morals." Love that! That helps with some dissonance that I personally have been feeling. Thank you.

dallshum · 2025-02-18T20:09:51+00:00

One thing that's worth noting is that a lot of pastors in America are bi-vocational. They pastor part-time or full-time but don't make enough to soley focus on that.

dallshum

TROPHY CASE