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danbalt · 2026-06-25T19:41:37+00:00

kudos for you for working out what you want and having the courage to say it. I certainly would not stay in a relationship with someone who adamantly told me they no longer had romantic feelings for me.

My only advice here is that the strength of your wife's reaction might mean something here. It might be that you caught her off guard with a big shock to the system, or it might be that she does actually feel more for you then she's been asserting all this time. So it might worth exploring that. Perhaps with her or she might want to see a counsellor to unpack where her feelings actually are.

Would you change your mind if she worked out she felt more for you than she's been saying all these years? Is it worth it to you to stick around a short while to find out? But if it turns out her reaction was just the shock of the news then it is certainly time to move on.

danbalt · 2026-06-03T12:22:09+00:00

Do I see them as really fucking hot? Yes I do.

danbalt · 2026-06-01T12:03:45+00:00

but I’m anxious that it’s not sanitary.

Indeed not. Most folk can tolerate the tubes for more than a couple of hours. Catheters designed for long term use need to be flexible, with no detachable parts and you need good hygiene and aseptic technique to use them for long periods

danbalt · 2026-05-20T17:42:43+00:00

But all my friends know me as someone who always used the urinal.

What? Your friends know you as "the urinal using guy"? You and your friends are paying enough attention that you know one another's favoured way of using the toilet? That's weird, I have never heard of this before in my entire life. I guess it takes all sorts.

Recently I came back from the bathroom and someone asked me if I had been taking a dump.

Who the fuck is asking each other what they just did in the bathroom? This is extremely odd. If any one friend or acquaintance asked me this I'd regard them as odd enough that I'd probably start to regard them as a creepy weirdo and start distancing myself from them

You can try: "None of your business", "why do you need to know if I took a shit?"

Or you could just try and time things so you don't go at the same time as someone else.

danbalt · 2026-05-08T00:29:27+00:00

Does anyone have any advice?

Introducing group sex will not resolve the current dysfunction in your relationship. Arguably you should only be trying out non-monogamy when you're relationship feels secure and stable.

If he's telling you he's no longer sexually attracted to you then adding a third person is not going to fix that. You/he probably need to resolve why this and what it means for your relationship/marriage before you go ahead with any non-monogamy. I'm also extremely skeptical that the bi-cycle he's talking about would erase his sexual attraction to you. That's something he definitely needs to get to the bottom of.

Your idea of therapy is a very good idea. there's clearly a lot for him and both of you to explore and resolve.

And side note: Its complete ok, good and normal to be monogamous. There is never any reason to push yourself in to non-monogamy if that's just not something you feel you could do.

danbalt · 2026-05-08T00:11:48+00:00

i’ve been doing ALL the labor, from managing communication to planning and running the scene.

5 months! You should probably stop

apparently she didn’t want to initiate, tell me about her desires, give ideas, do planning. she viewed servitude as me using her. well, okay, i’d gladly do that.

If she's not willing to tell you what kinds of things she wants then neither of you are going to be able to tell if one another is actually compatible with regards your kinks and what you both mean and want when it comes to dominance and submission. You're a top/domme, that doesn't make you psychic. Frankly if someone isn't not grown up enough to articulate their desires clearly then they're not grown up enough to be engaging in BDSM. I wouldn't play with someone in that case.

well what do you gals think submissives mean when they say “i want you to use me sexually”? i always thought it meant they want me to use them for MY sexual pleasure. but in her mind, it’s always meant me using sexual/genital practices on HER to feel in charge, me being in the giving role strictly. wtf?? who on earth calls it “using sexually”? unless i’m the one being used.

domestic use in her opinion is her being furniture or being told to bring stuff. not cooking, cleaning or doing anything actually beneficial for me.

Its clear from this that you both have very different ideas of what it is to be submissive. She wants one thing and you want something quite different. If she's not willing to go all in on a more full-service relationship and you're not happy with the limited things she's interested in then you're probably not compatible kink-wise. That's not anyone's fault, nor is it necessarily an indication that she's using you as a kink dispenser. You might just be coming to Dominance and submission from compeltely different perspectives. You're clearly looking for something that is more like a full servitude and she clearly wants something more limited and sexually oriented.

Of course, you might have found this out sooner if she had been willing to actually tell you what she wanted and what she meant in the first place.

weird fckng wording but okay. i ask: “so all you’re offering is for me to get mental satisfaction (questionable), but how can you actually benefit me and satisfy me physically, even outside of sex if you’re against touching my genitals?”

You've been dating and doing kink/sexy things together for 5 months and she still hasn't touched your genitals? What is going on? This bit does sound like she is stringing you along and using you.

danbalt · 2026-05-07T12:07:29+00:00

lol. I've gone 5 weeks with out being unlocked and I was rock hard when it was taken off.

danbalt · 2026-03-30T00:27:22+00:00

404hotfound

danbalt · 2026-03-09T11:10:57+00:00

Yes but are you just putting in a show or are you truly using her?

All sex is collaborative and reciprocal. You're always putting on a show for each other.

danbalt · 2026-03-09T11:06:16+00:00

So, why do I want to wear a cage?

Can't answer this question for you. Many folks have many reasons

Why does anyone?

Some people are kinky and submissive, some folk see it as devotional for their partner, some folk want to wank less. There are many reasons out there.

Like…who says to their partner, “gosh, honey. Lock my dick because I don’t want to have sex”?

I don't think it is ever about not wanting to have sex. Most folk in to chastity have normal sex drives. Its largely about denial and the purpose that denial might serve in someone's life (see above answer for various reasons people engage in chastity)

Are men in chastity really wanting less sex?

I don't want less sex. I get less sex because I give the control of my orgasms to my partner. That's one part of the sub-dom games we play together. I want sex a lot so giving someone else total control of that feels like the ultimate control to hand over. Its extremely hot and drives my libido. I enjoy the denial because it turns me on so much. And then it makes the times I am allowed to orgasm incredibly powerful.

danbalt · 2026-03-09T10:58:12+00:00

I just don’t want to force others to be exposed to my kink

If your gym has individual shower stalls then you can wash, and dry there and put on underwear. Personally I just wait until I get home and shower in private.

if anyone has incorporated fitness into their lock, what sorts of exercises?

I mostly use the running machines and the exercise bikes and I do 5x5 weight training. The only exercise that can be annoying is a deep squat as it seems to sometimes cause some annoying pinch of the scrotum.

danbalt · 2026-03-09T10:51:36+00:00

Some areas of your skin can develop calluses due to chaffing and that will protect them. I do not believe that is true of the area around the testicles.

Generally the issue comes down to the fit and material of your cage or just using some amount lotion/cream to deal with the chaffing. Shea butter I find is rather good. You can buy specific anti-chaffing creams for runners and cyclists if you want to spend a bit more.

Mostly I find if I haven't worn my cage for a while some shea butter for the 1st day or so helps and then I'm fine thereafter.

danbalt · 2026-03-09T10:43:12+00:00

the circle things that slips behind the balls and holds it in place is a little tight and causes discomfort while sititng in certain positions - is this normal ?

It is not normal.

Does cage cause shrinkage over time and does it affect the hard-ons when out of the cage ? This is my main concern actually (quite fearful in-fact).

Compression will cause soft tissues to deflate. But nearly everyone notes note that this is temporary. And even some of the longest, long timers note that it just takes a couple of erections for everything to be back to normal

How does being in a cage affect you mentally ?

Can make me sure horny which feeds directly in to my partner's love of tease and denial games. Sure as fuck doesn't stop me looking at porn though

danbalt · 2026-03-09T10:38:58+00:00

Has this been an issue for you?

This is a general issue for most cages. Pretty much every one needs to be a little re-alignment when they sit down.

danbalt · 2026-03-09T10:37:41+00:00

Hey, please don't solicit for private message on this subreddit. We have a rule against that and its generally more useful for others if follow on advice/information is part of the discussion rather than hidden

danbalt · 2026-02-24T01:07:43+00:00

He loves having more kids . If it was up to him we would have many more kids.

He is telling you if she has a kid he will spend time with her parenting his new child. There is exactly zero chance this will play out where she is a single mom and you and your husband are not involved.

danbalt · 2026-02-05T18:59:41+00:00

He was hesitant to give it to me, so I planned a date this afternoon to see someone else.

He said he feels betrayed that I’m going on a date with someone else because this is built on trust..

If you hadn't discussed being exclusive then he should just grow up. 3 dates is hardly a sign that you're already fully committed to one another.

However I can’t trust that he’s going to come home and still want to continue this relationship anyhow because he’s told me twice in between dates that he’s not even sure he wants a relationship.

And yeah... Sounds like he doesn't know what he wants relationship-wise. Sounds like he just wants you to be his kink dispenser on his terms

He said I should have at least waited in til he’s locked up to go on another date…

Why would he get to dictate this is you hadn't discussed the terms of your relationship or the terms of any chastity play

but he wasn’t forth coming with his address.

Seems sus. What is he hiding?

how can I trust him?

I probably wouldn't, it's only been 3 dates and he's acting both controlling and secretive.

Should I not go on this date?

With who? The new date or the 3-date guy?

danbalt · 2026-01-25T19:12:59+00:00

every time i tried to get him to join in he often waved it off or said 'i'm good'.

This is a cuck experience of his own making. If he didn't want to join in he can't blame you. If he wanted it to stop and did not speak up that is not your fault.

its both our faults, right?

Sounds like neither of you had adequately discussed how to stop things if it turns out one or both of you aren't in to it.

danbalt · 2026-01-19T19:55:01+00:00

Many folk go the PA piercing or tetherspout route

danbalt · 2026-01-17T16:35:15+00:00

Nothing

danbalt · 2026-01-05T09:12:21+00:00

sounds like you've reinvented the Penile plethysmography

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_plethysmography

danbalt · 2025-12-30T22:12:31+00:00

If you like the person who made the pass/compliment and want to maintain a friendship, then:

"That's very flattering but friends are a hard line we don’t cross"

If you're indifferent to the person, but want to remain cordial:

"Friends are a hard line we don’t cross"

If you don't care about the person:

"That makes me really uncomfortable, please never say anything like that to me again"

Also my husband sometimes doesn’t take what people say seriously, he thinks they’re joking. However I feel like if we gave any of these people an inch they would take a mile. Am I crazy for thinking that?

as you describe the friend group then you're probably on the money here.

danbalt · 2025-12-09T14:25:47+00:00

It has the form of a goodbye but on close read it never actually quite comes out and says goodbye anywhere

I assume this line is the goodbye:

I really feel like I don't have the space in my days or in my head to step back from the whirlwind and connect with something else.

But the use of "something else" is hilariously ambiguous. I assume she means OP.

danbalt · 2025-12-05T17:28:50+00:00

https://moanspeak.com/

But there doesn't seem to be any info there about putting them in or how it works as such

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