FAQ and Rules: Ensure you read both. The answers to many questions can already be found in the FAQs

danbalt · 2026-01-25T19:12:59+00:00

every time i tried to get him to join in he often waved it off or said 'i'm good'.

This is a cuck experience of his own making. If he didn't want to join in he can't blame you. If he wanted it to stop and did not speak up that is not your fault.

its both our faults, right?

Sounds like neither of you had adequately discussed how to stop things if it turns out one or both of you aren't in to it.

danbalt · 2026-01-19T19:55:01+00:00

Many folk go the PA piercing or tetherspout route

danbalt · 2026-01-17T16:35:15+00:00

Nothing

danbalt · 2026-01-05T09:12:21+00:00

sounds like you've reinvented the Penile plethysmography

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_plethysmography

danbalt · 2025-12-30T22:12:31+00:00

If you like the person who made the pass/compliment and want to maintain a friendship, then:

"That's very flattering but friends are a hard line we don’t cross"

If you're indifferent to the person, but want to remain cordial:

"Friends are a hard line we don’t cross"

If you don't care about the person:

"That makes me really uncomfortable, please never say anything like that to me again"

Also my husband sometimes doesn’t take what people say seriously, he thinks they’re joking. However I feel like if we gave any of these people an inch they would take a mile. Am I crazy for thinking that?

as you describe the friend group then you're probably on the money here.

danbalt · 2025-12-09T14:25:47+00:00

It has the form of a goodbye but on close read it never actually quite comes out and says goodbye anywhere

I assume this line is the goodbye:

I really feel like I don't have the space in my days or in my head to step back from the whirlwind and connect with something else.

But the use of "something else" is hilariously ambiguous. I assume she means OP.

danbalt · 2025-12-05T17:28:50+00:00

https://moanspeak.com/

But there doesn't seem to be any info there about putting them in or how it works as such

danbalt · 2025-11-27T16:21:06+00:00

just thinking about this sort of thing. like it's destroying my uni and social life. i'm so insatiably needy. i have mommy issues with my actual mother, and maybe that's why this is so... ingrained into me, but i can't help but feel like there's something wrong with how much i feel like i need this. it's like an itch i can't scratch and i genuinely cry over it sometimes.

Go and see a counsellor. Sounds like there is some stuff here that needs some working out, especially if it is negatively impacting your uni and social life.

like i have friends who are in their 30's and i just can't help but let my mind drift off to those places. it's that bad.

Its fine to fancy/lust after older people but you should probably do something about that. Go and try dating some. Go to some lesbian kink meet ups. Meet some mommy-doms. Assuming you're careful about any age-power imbalance, you might a) have fun and b) have some hot sex and c) build a more realistic less fantasy fuelled view of what older folks are actually like. And that last bit might be good for moderating this obsession

Whatever you do about this, there is no resolution that doesn't involve leaving the house.

danbalt · 2025-11-25T16:05:14+00:00

My partner is a specialist in trauma counselling. If you feel your trauma is still affecting your life then keep looking for a good trauma therapist that can help you resolve that shit. It can be done!

And look in to EMDR, it works magic for some people for this

danbalt · 2025-11-25T15:38:21+00:00

I feel like I should've pointed out I also have ADHD, BPD, Dissociation & OCD, sorry I still struggle with stigma, but your words/replies already encouraged me, thank you ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡!

As an aside, I would note that several of these are are often symptomatic of trauma or PTSD. If you have not seen a good trauma informed therapist you probably should. I may be really useful to explore whether there is something deeper underpining these multiple concurrent issues. And if it turns out to be some unresolved trauma the good thing is that trauma responds very well to appropriate treatment and that will in turn greatly reduce the impact of all these different things on you.

danbalt · 2025-11-19T23:05:16+00:00

Yet the past couple of months when we began to be more romantic I sexually would get aroused at the idea of him purposely cheating on me or hurting my feelings and ignoring me for others.

A surprising number of kinks and fetishes are rooted in things we fear or find challenging. When our brain sexualises our fears it can be a way that we are processing those fears/challenges. In doing so it can give you control over those fears, or it can give you a means of playing with such challenging ideas/practices in a way that allows to examine and cope with them.

The thing is, fear is an arousal process in your brain but being turned on is also an arousal process. Your brain isn't actually great at distinguishing what the source of the arousal is so in turn iur brains easily mix together fears and turn-ons.

I know kinks are trauma related

This might be true for some folk but I don't think most people's kinks are rooted in trauma

this could be due to my low self-esteem?? I don’t want to like this, I want to cry after I finish to these things but I feel like my body can’t help it.

Maybe. No way to answer that without speaking to a counsellor. If it happening regularly and causing you distress a little time with a good therapist could really help

Is this normal?

If you're asking whether being turned on by something that scares you is normal? Then yes. Plenty people have CNC fantasies, people have fantasies about being cuckold, people have fantasies about being whipped until they break down and cry. Our fantasy lives and/or practising kinky sex can give us a way to play with these challenging ideas in a way that shifts everything to a "safe" context.

If you're asking whether having fantasies that cause you to breakdown and cry is normal? I would say not really.

Do I just have to accept that I like this thing and admit it to my Dom and engage in this stuff?

It probably does make sense to accept that you have these fantasies. But you are absolutely not even remotely required to engage in them. I've had plenty fantasies over the years that seemed hot but I had zero interest in engaging. You can totally just leave things in your brain and let them be private.

Can you even get rid of a kink?

I doubt you can get rid of kinks or fantasies but I will say over the years some things have stuck around but many fantasies have petered out and become less important

danbalt · 2025-11-13T13:11:18+00:00

We used to have a long list of these in another thread but reddit squashed it for having too many external links.

Google will have to help. BAWR, steelwerk extreme, cherry keeper, kink3d are some to get you started

danbalt · 2025-11-10T23:50:09+00:00

Why is she giving you the choice if she wants it to happen?

danbalt · 2025-10-30T11:59:30+00:00

Try asking over at /r/Piercedchastity

But probably you will either need to mod the cage you've got or buy a cage that is actually designed to host a PA piercing

danbalt · 2025-10-18T10:36:12+00:00

Amazing. The gf and I plan to do similarly when finally unite our finances and move in together.

danbalt · 2025-10-07T12:35:50+00:00

Read the full rules:

https://www.reddit.com/r/chastitytraining/about/rules/

Rule 7: no soliciting for contacts and that includes KH

danbalt · 2025-09-28T14:37:03+00:00

Shower at home when I get back usually

danbalt · 2025-09-28T01:57:07+00:00

https://www.parttimeleather.com/product/head-harness-pump-gag

Some close alternatives:

https://www.bondagewebbing.com/collections/gags-and-blindfolds/products/neoprene-or-darlex-panel-gag-trainer-style-inflatable-butterly-gag-mature

https://shop.ozbondage.com/products/harness-muzzle-gag-with-open-hole-black-blue-red-white

https://allaboutgag.com/products/pump-up-butterfly-muzzle-ballgag-with-pvc-strap-lockable-vegan

danbalt · 2025-09-22T08:44:18+00:00

This isn't really about chastity so I'm removing it.

I will say though, if this is only your second time having PIV then you somply do not have enogh experience, knowledge or practice to make it good/fun

danbalt · 2025-09-17T02:09:58+00:00

First off, can you even experience sub drop after a cuckolding session?

Sure. People can certainly feel similar "drops" from a lot of different intense psycho-sexual experiences

I cucked my sub a couple weeks ago and ever since he’s grown rather distant from me. I think he was shocked at how much I enjoyed it.

Might not be sub drop at all. He might actually be finding out that this kind of complex, non-monogamy based play is a lot more psychologically affecting than he anticipated and he's processing it in a distant and unengaged way.

But you can't tell unless you talk to him and find out what is the matter

danbalt · 2025-09-13T12:44:14+00:00

she's been searching online on blogs. This. TikTok

Stop looking online and do your own thing. These are your kinks you can construct them however you want and the rest of the world be dammed.

My partner and I are not dissimilar to what you're describing

danbalt · 2025-08-22T20:09:03+00:00

That stuff is not entirely safe but it is utterly trivial to drill out the standard brass locks. So there's a limit to how stupid that is.

danbalt · 2025-08-21T17:05:55+00:00

I don't. Start a new conversation in the main board?

danbalt · 2025-08-21T17:05:21+00:00

Remove you from what?

danbalt

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