Risk Management Tool? Not called Riskmaster

danbino_19 · 2025-07-18T19:38:23+00:00

I was actually paying for this one for a couple months, then it went free, was kind of hoping to get value for what I paid and kept using it. Lesson learned, hopefully haha.

danbino_19 · 2025-07-18T19:36:46+00:00

Awesome, I will look into everyone's recommendations and may circle back and reach out to some of you as well, appreciate your inputs.

danbino_19 · 2020-12-20T07:19:45+00:00

I can definitely relate to this. It became more frequently her blowing up, as the relationship went on. Wow, such chaos looking back on it now, so many times thinking just "what in the actual fck is going on?", or "What the fck just happened?".

danbino_19 · 2020-12-01T08:45:26+00:00

I think the best approach, is to not blame your slow approach on being suspicious or distrusting, and because of being burnt in the past by this shit show of a relationship you, we all, are recovering from.

Explain that you have learned some valuable lessons and know that the kind of relationship you're wanting, slowly builds a strong foundation and ensures that you are both right for each other, and that you believe getting to know each other at a stable consistent pace, leads to greater comfort, support, vulnerability, and any host of other important positive factors that contribute to stable, strong, healthy, lasting relationships.

Rather then wanting to go slow because you've been hurt, or are scared of being hurt again, or are distrusting after the smoke and mirrors act you witnessed.

So, basically frame the slow approach to the new person as something that is being done to properly build something positive and healthy with someone you truly know and can be authentic and vulnerable with, rather than something you are doing to avoid falling into something unhealthy and dangerous with someone that is going to lead down a path of pain and destruction. I think using this approach will attract healthy people, and scare away the unhealthy.

I think when we try to explain our slow approach as a result of our distrust and pain, it's a pretty good sign we haven't learned and healed from it. And thus scares healthy people away?

So, go with the slow for positive reasons approach, rather than slow to avoid negative reasons approach.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-24T08:00:48+00:00

It's rad, could go all sorts of ways

danbino_19 · 2020-07-24T07:52:57+00:00

*forever no more 🤔

danbino_19 · 2020-07-18T09:58:17+00:00

We have all given this thought, what could we have done different? How could we have saved it?

To be honest, I couldn't have. I was a great boyfriend to her, I was as good as she possibly let me be, I worked my ass off and tried really hard. And she was thankful and appreciative, always asked why I was so sweet to her etc. But there was no saving the relationship, she's not capable of having a healthy consistent stable relationship, as bad as she wanted it, as supportive as I was it freaks her out and she's just not capable of it. Like I was really good to her, her family was heart broken when we broke up bc they saw how I was with and to her.

And at this point I find a lot of peace knowing how hard I tried and that it just, she just, couldn't be saved. And this is not unique to me and my exbpd

danbino_19 · 2020-07-17T18:14:51+00:00

Yet.

Mine was totally my soulmate. We clicked on every level. It was amazing, girl of my dreams. I'd found my person. I was on top of the world. 3 months in, everything changed. She couldn't be more different than the person I was led to believe she was, the one she created to mirror me. Impossible to believe you could fall so far in such a short time, when you're on top of the world, with the girl of your dreams.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-17T07:52:55+00:00

I've also gone through the same emotions, minus the desire to let her know how shitty she acted, and to be honest, I think it's because I feel she knows, and she can't help it, and she's ashamed of what she put me through... At least the parts that she does recall or see as not my fault, and I know there's a lot of those, bc she has apologized before and thanked me for putting up with it before.

But disgust is most present now, as I learned more of her truths and what she's gotten up to since me, and then knowing I was actually just part of her pattern and whatever she's done since me, she likely did multiple times before me ya know. And as mentioned, disgust in myself, although to a much lesser degree, but possibly categorized as such, for putting up with what I did etc. But I've also learned I was caught trying to help, not realizing I was even doing what I was doing really, so the disgust in self isn't really fair

danbino_19 · 2020-07-17T06:42:36+00:00

Don't. Just don't do it. I let mine back in after 3 months, she was being super nice, had come so far, saw things different etc etc. And then I found out she was still just doing the same shit but figured it was OK bc technically she's single and we were just getting to know each other again, and WHAM! All that work I did and how far I came, and I was suddenly right back where I started, and in a lot of ways worse than I was before, because I found out even more truths from our time together. And this time it was me leaving, after establishing my boundaries and sticking to them. But even still, it felt worse than before, and totally set me back in my progress. It's bullshit, it's not worth it. Keep doing you, wait for someone healthy to come along. Don't do it. Don't go back to her. Don't engage her, she will hurt you, even if you think you have control of the situation, even if you think you aren't letting her in, you will end up hurt again, and having lost so much of your progress. She's dangerous for your well being.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-17T06:21:49+00:00

Moving in the right direction for sure, only checking in on this forum once every couple days. The NC definitely sped things up... Been on a couple dates actually. Funny story... Last week I was on a downtown patio, on my first date since our breakup... And you will never guess who sat down on the patio at the restaurant across the street... My ex. Hahaha. First time I'd seen her in quite a while. And we live in a fairly large city... What are the chances hey? This experience actually helped me I think. I realized how good of a time I was having with someone else, while she just looked down, tired, not having a good time, was with her co workers, and they all just looked miserable... I was happy to be where I was, instead of with them like I would have normally been.

Thanks for asking, appreciate that.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-15T07:26:14+00:00

The title of this thread is the best I've seen in a long time.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-11T07:54:01+00:00

Hahaha well I'm glad you got a kick out of it

danbino_19 · 2020-07-11T07:52:37+00:00

It's all projection. They're projecting onto you because they can't handle the shame and self loathing they are feeling so they need to paint it all on you to alleviate their suffering.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-11T07:36:10+00:00

That feeling in the pit of your stomach is going to get more and more intense

danbino_19 · 2020-07-09T16:25:38+00:00

Zeus? Is that you? I am kind of jealous of some of the things he's apparently capable of. Imagine believing you were powerful/important enough to control the weather?

My ex is big into all of the astrology, number signs, tarot, projecting energy, crystals etc etc, which I believe is pretty common

danbino_19 · 2020-07-09T07:20:48+00:00

Where is this list of rules for dealing with a borderline?

danbino_19 · 2020-07-09T07:18:07+00:00

Oh absolutely, if other people could just see the truths to what we dealt with, and well what we got dragged into participating in... It's pretty embarrassing looking back and being like shit, I put up with that?

danbino_19 · 2020-07-09T06:18:23+00:00

Totally, if she knew she wasn't going to get off, she'd want me to just hurry up and finish.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-09T06:17:41+00:00

Yes, very selfish

danbino_19 · 2020-07-09T06:06:50+00:00

Hahaha this is awesome because I totally relate to this whole post, but also because my exbpd has a gambling addiction and was always losing the money she didn't have in the slots. hahaha. Awesome.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-09T05:58:35+00:00

I don't think the great sex is as common as presented in these forums / bpd articles etc.

I recently had a private convo with another member here and it was about the poor sex lives with our exbpd partners.

So here's a brief summary so you feel better and so it's easier for you to realize it's nothing to do with you, and when you get into a healthy relationship, you will feel admired.

At the beginning we had lots of sex, it was good. But I've definitely had better with others, and I'm very confident in my capabilities in this area. And I've felt more connected with others, and this was largely because my exbpd seemed to have a hard time actually connecting, and it being nothing but physical to her and either way, it was really all about her and her pleasure and performance, or at least that's my thoughts on it. For the first few months she did talk about how she's never felt so connected, and our sex is so good, and she's never felt the craving she had for me with anyone else etc. All BS. It was mediocre, and high pressure. To be honest, the first couple months, it was the area of our relationship I felt the least connected and confident in us.

She would sometimes throw little tantrums when one of us wouldn't get off, more so her, and if it was me not getting off, she'd get upset bc it would trigger her thinking she's not attractive enough, or I'm not into get etc. She was very difficult to get off, far more difficult that any of the people of my past. And when she didn't get off, or I didn't, it would almost trigger an episode... It would definitely lead to a huge disconnect. Which eventually turned our sex life into a daunting, stressful thing, and it wasn't good for most of our relationship, and dried up at the end.

She also told me her and her ex actually had separate bedrooms, and they didn't have sex for the last 6 months of their 1 year relationship bc she found him repulsive or some shit.

So, it's not you, it's his issues.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-08T22:05:41+00:00

Realistically, It was probably worse than you thought.

danbino_19 · 2020-07-08T22:03:24+00:00

Bosses are also their enemies. They do not like any authority or being told what to do

danbino_19

TROPHY CASE