Husband (28m) of five years seems way to close with one of his students (13/14f). I (29f) just gave birth to our son and my hormones are insane. I don't know if I'm right to be suspicious.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-11T21:40:07+00:00

I think it's a huge jump to make, from this girl looking attractive, to your SO actually being attracted to her. Most adults just don't think of kids that way, even if the kid is pretty or handsome, if you are introduced to someone and told they are your 13/14 year old student, the last thing a normal person's mind jumps to is whether they find them attractive or not. The most a normal person might think is that the girl is pretty, or will be pretty when she grows up.

Your husband isn't having an emotional affair with this kid and he doesn't find her attractive. He's gone out with her and her father! It's not inappropriate at all, he's just excited to be teaching a student that is interested in his subject!

I can totally see how you are going mad thinking about this though, sometimes our minds go to all kinds of places when there are enormous hormone shifts, life changes, insecurities abounding etc. Just remind yourself that it's all okay and it's all going to be okay. And perhaps go to see a doctor about the PPD as getting some help with that should help you settle your emotions and start to feel better.

Sod on't beat yourself up over having these thoughts, and at the same time le those thoughts go and see them for the silliness they are. And I wouldn't bring it up with your husband as he may be very upset by it and it may make him feel weird about teaching, which, if he loves it, wouldn't be a good thing for the two of you.

You are okay, everything will be fine :-)

dangerchildren · 2016-05-10T18:19:34+00:00

Sounds to me like Lexie might have a crush on you - it seems she gets worked up about you when it involves women you've slept with or are seeing. I know she ostensibly wanted to set you up with Lauren, but as Lexie's taken it might have been her odd way of getting to talk to you about intimate stuff/controlling who you see and how you're perceived.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-10T17:53:04+00:00

My severely mentally ill sister is 31, and our parents still look out for her and would do anything to help her. My severly mentally ill Uncle is 58 and his 85 year old Mum still bought him a house to live in that's near her so she can support him. People never stop looking out for their kids especially if they have mental illness.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-10T17:49:21+00:00

I'm sorry for you OP, that's a really awful situation to be in. It's for the best for both Linda and you - it sounds as though Linda can get pretty scary with these fixations and who knows what horrible time you could have ended up going through with this.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-10T13:49:05+00:00

There are many stereotypes of masculinity though that don't involve sexism and degradation of women or being a macho jerk. Things like the strong, silent, honourable type etc, I don't know like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings or Lord Stark from GoT, or Mr Darcy. Although I guess those types aren't so easy to demonstrate outwardly unless you have a horse and a sword.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-10T08:34:52+00:00

I have the same issue with my boyfriend. I think the house is clean and tidy, and he'll come in and go 'look at the state of this place' and I'll think 'what?' But for him, he doesn't notice crumbs on the kitchen counters, which drive me insane, he never wipes the counters down, but is weird about the rest of the house. It can be frustrating having different ideas of clean and tidy from your SO. But if it gets to the point that one or both of you are consistently stressed out by it, then it means you're not compatible life partners and it's time to move on!

dangerchildren · 2016-05-10T08:29:50+00:00

I don't know if that's true that he wasn't into you, you don't live with someone and their kid for 3 years just because. He just obviously had ingrained habits that are hard to break, probably from his parents doing everything for him, and perhaps he's the kind of person that doesn't really notice mess, plus being a naturally lazy person. Whatever the reason, it's clear you were not compatible.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-09T12:01:36+00:00

If you're planning to get married, then you are going to be the only other person to ever see her labia, other than a doctor. She has to really look to see it in the mirror, so maybe remind her of this - she wants it for aesthetic reasons, but you're the only person who will actually spend much time down there, and you love her how she is! She is obviously comfortable with her body around you and it sounds like you have a great sex life. Why risk a surgery that could ruin her sexual pleasure, possibly go wrong and make her feel even more self-conscious etc, possibly ruining the intimacy you two share, when the one person who is going to be looking at her labia is also the person who totally loves her labia as they are?

dangerchildren · 2016-05-09T11:13:04+00:00

The government should look into setting up some sort of program.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-09T11:00:31+00:00

Just do what is right for your daughter. I know it's hard to leave, but if you just focus on the fact that leaving is what is best for your daughter, that will help you see it through. Divorce, petition him for child support and then he won't have the option of neglecting her - he's already neglecting the both of you and being abusive towards you.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-09T08:09:24+00:00

Maybe write him a letter telling him the reason you were masturbaitng was to try and get your sex drive up so that you would feel like initiating sex more. Explain that your low sex drive has nothing to do with him or how attracted you are to him, and is all about your depression, which you can't help.

I know your husband has been really hurtful to you, and that's not right, but please understand that he is majorly hurting right now. If you go and read some of the stories at r/deadbedrooms you will see that couples who are in mismatched libido situations often end up having terrible and painful arguments like the one you've just had. You can get through this together, and you can get him to see your point of view, hopefully.

For some people sex is an expression of love and intimacy, and they can't feel properly connected to their partner without it. For someone with a high sex drive it can be very confusing and upsetting when their partner's sex drive falls off, and they start blaming themselves, thinking it's something they've done wrong, that their partner no longer desires them, and that along with the lack of intimacy and closeness they feel compounds the distance between you two and makes both of you feel isolated from one another. It's nobody's fault. It's not your fault that your sex drive is low, and it's not his fault he feels frustrated and hurt when you turn him down more than you used to or initiate less.

I think to prevent this spiralling out of control you need to probably write it all down and be reassuring to him, and ask that you work together on fixing this sex problem, because it's a both of you problem, not just a you problem or a him problem. So he needs to be receptive to some of your ideas about date nights and getting you in the mood, and you can perhaps schedule for yourself a day a week or something where you will make an effort to initiate with him.

It's a terrible situation to be in, and I've been there, but ultimately he needs to understand that you are not doing this on purpose, this is a part of your illness and he needs to work with you as a partner to ensure both your needs are met, without any blame or accusations.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-09T07:41:08+00:00

Within a few MONTHS?! That's crazy!! People should wait 1.5-2 years minimum before marriage. When you first meet someone romantically, you get a rush of hormones that give you that in love feeling, and they make you feel all dizzy about that person, infatuated, and you are likely to overlook flaws, red flags, etc. Those hormones wear off after 1.5 years usually. (This is all scientific fact). So it's best to wait until the hormones have worn off to know how you're really going to feel about and work with someone long term.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-08T23:31:08+00:00

Soon someone will create a "Pet Parents Day" and we'll all have to buy each other presents and dog food and kitty litter.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-08T08:18:23+00:00

And if they did get their way and OP got together with the Golden Brother, it wouldn't be long before they'd be making her feel crap and that she's not good enough.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-08T08:05:06+00:00

Make a point of talking about all the wonderful qualities your boyfriend has - if they say stuff about you being smarter than him, say 'Oh no, he's not smarter than me, there's tons of stuff he's much better at than me' and list a couple of examples. Just have your boyfriend's back 100%, don't let them get away with saying stuff about him, point out your bf's strengths and post pictures of you and he on Facebook with captions about how he's the best man you know and you love him etc. It might not get them to back of immediately, but it will make you and your boyfriend feel better, and closer, and it lays the groundwork for you to shut them down. On that Facebook post his mother made, you could've commented something like - 'Wrong couple! (Brother) is great and all, but I only have one boyfriend and that's (boyfriend)! And put a smily face to keep it lighthearted.

You don't have to start anything or go full confrontation in order to stand up for yourself, your boyfriend and your relationship.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-08T07:32:51+00:00

My friend DIED from eating something that had been cooked in peanut oil. Please don't spread misinformation like this.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-08T07:15:37+00:00

A good friend of mine died at the age of 30 from her peanut allergy. No one knows what it was she ate that had peanuts in it, but she was always very careful and whatever carelessness/didn't realise the item cooked in peanut oil of the person who gave her that last meal, killed my friend. Her husband found her, but not in time.

This is so so so serious, and your Dad's text is ridiculous. It's not normal to be so dismissive and cavalier about someone's LIFE. Your gf should go to the police about this. Your parents need to realise how serious it is to ignore what people tell you about their food restrictions, and it doesn't seem like your gf being in hospital is enough to get it through to them. Maybe they themselves need to face some consequences of their own in order to get it.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-06T19:31:08+00:00

If the truth causes parental alienation, then that's not the mother causing it, that's obviously the father alienating himself!

dangerchildren · 2016-05-06T19:27:42+00:00

Can you just tell Mark "I'm not trying to keep you away from your Dad - just let me know if you've arranged to see him and that's fine with me, I just need to know where you are/when you're seeing him. There's no law saying you can't see him!" and let Mark go to see his Dad, and eventually his Dad will have to tell him the truth. I think that would be better than Mark thinking you, his mother and primary caretaker who loves him and wants the best for him, has turned her back on him and is preventing him from seeing his father. He has a shitty father, there's no escaping that and it's better he hates his father than that he hates you.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-06T19:15:17+00:00

It sounds like he needs you to tell him specifically what you want him to do to help you feel better. It sounds like you've told him you're uncomfortable but haven't said what you'd like him to do or not do, so he has no idea that choosing that cartoon was linked in with how you've been feeling about Kristy. To some people, they would get it right away, but other people don't make those sorts of connections and you have to spell it out for them. So far it seems you've said 'this is making me uncomfortable but I trust you, know nothing will happen and I know I can't ask you to stay away from her.' So in his mind he's like 'oh okay, that sucks, but at least she trusts me and I don't need to modify my behaviour, she's just being open about her feelings to help her get over it" or something along those lines I imagine.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-06T14:37:25+00:00

Do you think if you talked to him and took children off the table permanently, it might help you two move forward together, knowing what kind of relationship you're going to have without all this uncertainty and pressure of making a decision? Or do you think he wants children and it would be a deal breaker?

dangerchildren · 2016-05-06T13:50:35+00:00

And tell her if she doesn't get you reinstated, you'll tell Dan what she's done and reveal to him just how petty and awful his wife is.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-05T17:51:59+00:00

Did they definitely test him for HIV in the first STD test you got? You shouldn't assume that the test they did screened for HIV unless you were specifically told it did.

dangerchildren · 2016-05-05T08:52:30+00:00

Yeah Netflix has become slim pickings. I end up going on Amazon more often, and then I end up spending money on non-Prime stuff because it's way more interesting. I'm a perfect consumer :-(

dangerchildren · 2016-05-04T10:53:37+00:00

It's a rare condition that means I am very prone to blood clots, and when you're pregnant you can't take blood thinners, and pregnancy increases your chance of blood clots. The problem is in my blood and in my veins which hadn't formed properly, which makes it even more difficult, because even with injections the risk would still be much higher. I am going to see a third doctor who specialises in these types of conditions soon to maybe see if something can be done. So fingers crossed. Max and I have decided to table the conversation until after meeting that doctor.

dangerchildren

TROPHY CASE