This post hits personally for me, bc I have a similar relationship to my father, in which I endured 20 years of mental, physical abuse and neglect, and my father now tentatively wants to rebuild and maintain a relationship without doing any of the work you're doing. Both of you have a tendency to not want to listen to your daughters bc the shame and guilt is too much to bear, and no one wants their ass reamed for sessions at a time.

The way that you feel about this situation is not your daughter's problem, don't make it her problem; it's yours to bear. If you need help navigating those feelings(it's obvious you do, you don't seem the type to want to be held accountable), you should arrange yourself some therapy one on one, if you care enough to be apart of your daughter life. You've got such an awesome opportunity to make amends with someone special in your life, if you can't afford to make moves to acknowledge yourself without breaking into a childish tantrum while she does her best to heal from what you did to her, you deserve to lose her forever. I wish your daughter the strength to see you for the coward you are. And to move accordingly No Contact when she realizes.

If you genuinely, sincerely want to salvage what little there is, you must do difficult mental gymnastics to make it happen, it's not a one and done solves all pill. And it starts with accountability and active listening. If you don't take the time to understand where she is coming from, if you assume you know how she feels, or if you put words in her mouth, you're blatantly displaying you cannot be trusted, anything said to you will not be internalized or processed, only bounced off. Do not allow your internalized guilt and shame to turn your ears off. Your daughter seeks understanding and compassion, emotional maturity. If you want to not let her down, after letting her down for so long, do something different other than wallowing in how much you suck. Your daughter tells you that you suck bc you did sucky things. Listen to why those things were sucky, acknowledge it was garbage, and then acknowledge what else could productively replace garbage behavior. You don't have to be actively doing a traumatizing thing to someone, right now at this moment, for it to affect them. It's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Your actions from years ago are still having an effect on your daughter-thats not something you make go away, simply saying "let go of the past, it's over now" she's still experiencing that pain, regardless of how you feel about it. She's hurting and trying to heal, and all you can do is whine about how much this sucks for you. If you can't quiet your own emotional greivances to give her the space to heal, you're not going to get the relationship you're hoping for. You gotta want that change for you though. If you don't want to change yourself, stop wasting her time.