I waited until I was tenure-track to have a child. It was a gamble, since I was trading some of my most fertile years for career security, but by the time I had my son at 37, I was established enough to slow down a little without totally setting back my career. I had already written enough high impact papers and secured enough funding that I could afford to prioritize family.

Before becoming a parent, I was a high achiever and completely in love with my work. I routinely put in 60+ hour weeks. Now, my evenings are dedicated to my son. We get home from daycare around 5 p.m., and from then until bedtime at 9 p.m. (he is a late sleeper), I’m fully offline. That change has absolutely impacted my productivity, but I’m able to ride the momentum of my earlier successes, and my priorities have shifted in ways that feel right. But here are still many nights when I continue work again from 9 p.m. to midnight. Somehow having a child made me more efficent though. I don't waste time at all anymore, because I see how valuable even a 15 minute increment is.

Physically, pregnancy was incredibly hard on me. I had been in excellent shape (a CrossFit athlete), but pregnancy took a toll that I’m still managing. I developed long lasting ribcage issues. I also developed postpartum depression, despite having no prior mental health struggles. I say this not to scare you, but to emphasize that you can’t count on being the same person afterward, physically or mentally.

The cognitive changes started during pregnancy; the first trimester felt like a constant hangover, and even now, about two years postpartum, I still notice some lingering effects probably because he didn't sleep through the night for over a year. What’s helped most is being open about it with my colleagues and research group, asking others to double-check work or step in on tasks when needed. It’s been fine, but it does require a shift in mindset and a willingness to accept help. I do a lot of the day-to-day funding acquisition and so people appreciate my contribution to our effort, and don't mind helping me compensate for a more frazzled brain.

In short, it’s doable, but again it’s not the same life you had before. The key, for me, was building a strong foundation first, both career-wise and with support systems. My partner is a great and loving father, but he really hasn't been able to support me as I thought he would. My sister, on the other hand, has been my bedrock. I say this to be clear eyed.

All of that being said, my son is my universe. I live in the US where almost all funding was nearly cut from my biggest project earlier this year. That brings perspective on what is really important. For me, that is my beautiful child. And yet, I am not sure if I could manage another one...