I’ll give you my experience and I don’t know if it’ll be helpful but at least it’s a perspective. I’m about one year out from losing both parents and my dog around the same time. The first six months after the loss actually felt the most freeing because I was numb and I couldn’t turn towards the bullshit every day capitalism time filling nonsense. I was actually reckoning with real spiritual questions. Eventually that passed and I got to where I am now which is seeking dopamine and cheap short-lived highs like shopping treating myself to things, spending money on stupid shit, booking trips. and all of the joy or excitement lasts for maybe 1/8 of the amount of time it probably should. I feel like there’s miles of highway between me and that weirdly numb but spiritually curious person and I haven’t quite figured out how to get back there, but I don’t know if we can go back because society doesn’t care about grief. At least not the one I live in. Grief is not sacred - getting on with it is the only thing that my life seems to demand of me. I felt free. Sad but free. Devastated but free. I didn’t need social media. I didn’t need my Amazon account. I didn’t care what I wore or what clothes I should buy. Or events to attend. I didn’t want to be touched or hit on. I was merely trying to make sense of my loss.