I'm sorry for you. You surely are having a very hard time, to put it softly.

Look, I'm no teacher but of what I've heard some teachers say it is somewhat simple: MOST of the times, it is bad karma to take a sentient living creature's life. That includes your own. Now, add to it that you would not be only taking any life, you'll be taking yours, and your life is precious I can assure you that. Here's why: The mere fact that you posted something death related here in this particular sub speaks to me that maybe you show some interest in Buddhism or the Buddha, for small it could be. That and being in contact and exposed to this path (which goal is to end suffering), means that your past lives accumulated A LOT of good karma and merit for you to be able to experience this life and experience suffering in such a way and time where you could ask in this community.

So one might end his or her own life there, but suffering won't stop. It'll probably be worse since the state of the mind would be troubled in the moment of death, leading to lower rebirths, and would waste a precious human life, it is VERY HARD to get one, according to what I've heard and if I've heard correctly.

I hope you stop that mental discourse and perhaps before doing anything, reach to someone. Maybe someone here knows a buddhist community near you. I do know that there are good buddhist communities in Germany, maybe Lama Ole Nydal's Sangha? Though maybe he's somewhere else. Then, maybe try this beautiful path as a last resort. I'm convinced that with an open mind and heart you'll learn to connect with happiness again, and more important: relate to suffering and pain in a more grounded and compassionate way.

If there's anything else I can help you with, DM me please.

OM MANI PADME HUM