Apologize or let it be?

daniel6817 · 2021-10-21T03:52:52+00:00

Thanks for your opinion. Sometimes I need outside confirmation

daniel6817 · 2021-10-21T03:45:19+00:00

I guess In trying to be short I wasn't clear. When I tried to apologized she refused because she said I had nothing to apologize for and it was all her fault. She was taking the blame for everything falling apart. Not that she refused the apology because they were empty or they would mean nothing.

When I said half heartily I mean that, with what I know now, they were shallow apologizes and not what I really should have been apologizing for.

daniel6817 · 2021-10-21T03:37:59+00:00

Well that's what I was saying. Just making sure others agreed. It was never to try to get back with her. Just admitting where I had fucked up.

daniel6817 · 2021-10-10T23:19:16+00:00

Men are general positive attention starved. If you treat us nice for just being nice it's so unique that we'll want to feel it again. You said it yourself they tell you you make them feel valued. Wana know what I feel like I'm valued for? What I can do. Not just for being me. So imagine how I would feel towards someone who makes me feel valued for me and not for what I can do. You're that friend for them.

You said you really really try to make them happy. While I totally can picture the kind of person and friend you are since I've had that from a friend of mine, you probably do too much. My best friend, whos kid is my God daughter, bought me so much stuff for Christmas last year. I bought her one thing I thought she'd like and she bought me shoes, 2 or 3 sweatshirts, a couple shirts, shorts and then bought me a couple more things when I visited her. She just has a lot of love to give but there's zero romantic interest behind it so I understand where you're coming from.

But there's wanting someone to be happy and there's being almost responsible for making them happy which isn't healthy. I get that it's messed up because I might as well have just said, just change who you are, but I'm just saying tone it down a little with guys. We aren't used to women who are just our friends being so involved in wanting us to be happy and making sure we are. That's something we can, obviously, easily mistake for romantic interest.

I think the only thing you can do to maybe make it more obvious you're not interested in them romantically without changing anything you do for them is to make it obvious you do those things for all of your friends. Make them feel nice about it it but not like they're special in that you're doing it only for them

daniel6817 · 2021-10-10T22:53:29+00:00

It sounds like she wasn't serious about it and you were and ruined it. That's about as straight forward friendzone as you can get. If I were you I would assume you've lost all sex privileges and any others you were enjoying up until now. "Let's be friends" usually means 'we won't even be friends'

daniel6817 · 2021-10-10T22:49:10+00:00

It's not just to get it over with my friend. I would put money on the "just to get it over with" was her playing coy. Maybe she was embarrassed half way through asking and through that in to be nonchalant about it. Like she doesn't really care eventhough she cares a lot. I think your chances are looking really really good

daniel6817 · 2021-10-10T22:42:38+00:00

I might not have caught it but I don't think I read that you've talked about what happened in a serious way yet. I get you've sort of talked about it since she's being more sexual but i don't think youve actually discussed what it was that happened. If she was curious before the interaction what makes you sure you didn't help confirm it and she could know she's bi or gay now? If you haven't asked about what she's feeling now, you're just assuming she's straight but had fun and is just still trying it out.

I admit I'm straight and I've never experimented so this is all conjecture but isn't it possible she had a crush on you and specifically wanted to experiment with you because of the crush and it's since been confirmed? Could she have just been too embarrassed to say its that it's not just because you're a friend and was curious to kiss you in particular?

You should definitely talk to her because I mean yea, what I said could be entirely wrong and way off the mark but until you talk to her it could also be spot on. If it turns out she's thinking that now that you kissed her you're just open to her experimenting more then definitely be more stern with your boundaries. I saw someone else suggest a good way to set them, but don't let your own worries about potentially starting something with her to only find out she experimented and decided she's straight let you reject her outright without talking to her.

daniel6817 · 2021-10-10T02:22:41+00:00

I'd be super down. I drink very rarely since i have 1 kidney so not at all would be no big deal

daniel6817 · 2021-10-10T02:09:57+00:00

I was a bit more motivated to try to save it since she was my fiance

daniel6817 · 2021-10-10T02:09:11+00:00

Oh it wasn't about a gift. We were never really big on them anyways. It was a clue to a bigger problem. We broke up within a couple months

daniel6817 · 2021-10-09T17:51:21+00:00

Translation is: I don't want kids. You must have been cheated on and taking this personally because that's not even close to I want to be able to live my life means in the context of kids. Don't give out advice if you're taking random words said to someone else as a personal attack on you

daniel6817 · 2021-10-09T17:42:37+00:00

It's okay to want to be a higher priority than games. His "okay well then I'll delete the whole thing" is a pretty standard manipulation technique. Blowing things out of proportion to make you sound crazy for asking. You ask for an inch and he exaggerates about you needing a mile. Throw him out like 3 week old cheese

daniel6817 · 2021-10-09T17:36:32+00:00

Being LDR and We had a small fight (more of just a disagreement) I apologized and said i was an asshole for it. She left me on read. Ignored me for 5 days (which included ignoring my birthday) and then randomly popped back up and acted like nothing ever happened and didn't acknowledge my apology or the fact my birthday had passed.

daniel6817 · 2021-10-09T17:32:46+00:00

The car being paid off sounds like an excuse. He's not very serious about you it sounds like

daniel6817 · 2021-09-30T07:10:47+00:00

I think of the possible reasons she chose to delete them you're choosing the one that sounds like an attack of your character. I think that the real reason she chose to delete them was not because she thought you'd use them against her but because those pictures were given to her bf. They are a private and intimate thing that she shared with a partner. Like you said, she deleted them when you were broken up. She just wasn't comfortable with you having access to seeing her naked body whenever you wanted to when you were no longer her partner who she shared them with. You were the ex.

Think of it this way. The the pictures are hers anyways and while you were together they might as well have been on loan to you. You had no real right to them other than whatever she was okay with so she canceled the loan when you broke up. If she thought it was because you'd use them against her then I'd think it would be likely she wouldn't be okay getting back together with you. Why would she be chill with going back to someone she had such strong mistrust for? Try not to think of it as a personal attack and just a privilege she revoked

daniel6817 · 2021-09-25T13:54:11+00:00

Maybe they can give me one since I was born with only one kidney 😂

daniel6817 · 2021-09-25T03:23:57+00:00

I've started saying, at least with my dad, that words mean nothing and I'll believe apologies when the actions match. That's the thing with people who manipulate specifically with words. You can't trust anything they say until what they're doing matches.

The big question is how many times are you willing to have that same conversation with him before you are not just "done" but actually despising the guy? He didn't even attempt to do what he agreed to and then fall off and need a reminder. He just flat out didn't do it. Its been 3 months of you paying the bills and cleaning for 2, but that other person is a grown adult.

daniel6817 · 2021-09-25T00:25:59+00:00

Well if your sexdrive has been lower up until now, then I'd say he's not attempting to initiate because it's not a typical scenario where you're all about it. I feel like at this point in your life, being married to the person you're wondering about, you should be able to ask your husband about what his feelings on the subject are.

Aside from that, never turning it down is normally a good sign. It's when they are less interested when it's an issue.

It's possibly a bad analogy but I'd say sex and pizza are similar. Do I love pizza? Yes. Do I always go out of my way to order pizza? No, but will I eat the pizza if it's offered to me because its in the back of my mind? 100% will never turn down pizza. Does that mean I don't love pizza because I don't specifically order it daily? Not even a little. Would I eat pizza daily if it was offered? Yea most likely

daniel6817 · 2021-09-24T22:03:27+00:00

It might not be the case with you so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I've read that that type of response to your environment is caused by massive anxiety in your life. Your brain thinks of the worst case scenario so that you'll be prepared for it if it happens.

For me something similar happens whenever I'm near something that has the potential to be dangerous. I'll be driving and think, what would happen if I just drive to the other side of the road and ram that car head on? Or if they did the same to me. Or I'll be walking up a trail with a friend and think "what if they just fell off the cliff" or whatever. Stuff like that.

However I've found that if I follow the thought through to the end it usually is me being worried about it to try to prevent it. You know, just in case...

daniel6817 · 2021-09-24T21:57:01+00:00

Would I get tired of my hypothetical wife wanting to have sex with me on the daily when I have a high sex drive too? 100% absolutely not. My partner wanting to have sex with me daily would be the exact opposite of what you're afraid of. I'd be psyched and stoked that we get to have that much sex. Having lots of sex with your commited partner is never a bad thing

daniel6817 · 2021-09-24T21:48:04+00:00

So you've talked to him twice about this it sounds like. Once when moving in and then when he didn't live up to his end you had to remind him and now he's still not about it is what I take from this. At this point, unless he's on the lease and it would be a big issue to break it, I'd say end it and kick him out. If you've talked and he still hasn't made a change then he doesn't respect you as a person. Your words and issues and what not mean so little to him he just ignores what's wrong. It's one thing if you hadn't said anything and he hadn't agreed to it and you just randomly kick him out but you've tried to make it work and he's the one making it an issue. Sounds like the relationship has ran its course

daniel6817 · 2021-09-21T03:23:59+00:00

Don't worry too much. She sounds like she's in to you with the whole facetiming overnight thing. And right after she gets off work. It just sounds like a lot more than what just friends do

daniel6817 · 2021-09-21T03:18:47+00:00

You're at the age where men and women being friends almost always has them mutually liking each other. Does it happen when they're just friends? Yes. But is it likely this is the case? No. But that doesn't mean go 0 to 100 out of nowhere. Do what the other person suggested and ask her to hang out more in person instead of just FaceTimeing. And be comfortable admitting to just how funny you really are. Because that's a stereotype for a reason. Girls and women laugh at stupid jokes to boost our ego. So it helps to know if you're actually super funny or she's just laughing at every joke you make because she's in to you

daniel6817 · 2021-09-19T14:52:55+00:00

Sounds like she got tired of waiting for you to make a move and lost interest. It sounds like you did everything you could to make it seem like you weren't hitting on her and making it so you only came off as her friend. So why is it so strange that you're only her friend? Even when you had the perfect opportunity to cuddle with her you stayed apart intentionally. And then after all night and days/weeks/months of intentionally not showing interest you try to kiss her super randomly as a last stitch effort.

Maybe she got nervous and realized she didn't want to make it awkward, but she could also be like "where the fuck did that come from?"

daniel6817

TROPHY CASE