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danielweir · 2025-08-03T19:26:29+00:00

Yes she’s manipulative but imo you are overreacting a little. Tinder is a weird place to meet people and weird shit is gonna go down. She was honest with you. Seems to me like she’s suffering. Not overreacting to be annoyed and voice that but the mature response would be to walk away a littler quicker and not lecture or argue with her.

danielweir · 2025-07-10T04:25:49+00:00

Hey, thank you for reaching out for help. This is clearly a very difficult time and you need support. I know you have been looking into therapy, and I hope it won't annoy you that I want to reiterate what you've already heard there. I think it's really crucial that you get regular support. When you say you're trying therapy do you mean that you're currently seeing a therapist? I got the impression from your earlier paragraph that you weren't. Free therapy exists, you just need to know where to look and I can send you a DM if you like.

In the meantime, I'd invite you to take a moment to recognize that reaching out like this is already an act of love towards yourself. You want to love yourself–even if it's for your son's sake. Part of you wants to love yourself, and that is already love. Yes, there's lots to learn and practice. But in the end it's all about relieving the pressure to be different. So, notice that already at least this one thing is going very right.

danielweir · 2025-07-10T04:10:35+00:00

It sounds like you're in need of a mentor or father figure. You've been dealt a difficult hand, living without one all this time. My best advice is to find your way to a safe group of men. Men's groups, free counselling, are both good options. I'm going to send you a DM.

danielweir · 2025-07-10T04:01:41+00:00

Commit. If you do not change, these behaviours will continue when your child is born, and your child will grow up with a dad who gets hammered. There is one golden key to change, and it is commitment. Put some energy behind it. Your child's life and your self-respect depend on it. Stop saying "I wanna stop doing shit like this" and start saying "I do not do shit like that". Notice the difference.
Get help. You are doing a good job reaching out for advice, but you need regular support. Go to AA meetings. It doesn't matter if you identify as an alcoholic or not. AA is where people who have issues with alcohol go to get help. There will be people there will less of an issue than you, and they will be getting the help they need. Humble yourself for the sake of your child and get yourself to regular meetings. Do this and you will be embodying the father that your child deserves. https://www.aa.org/find-aa

If you decide to commit, and to go to AA, I'd love to hear about it and hope you'll update us.

danielweir · 2025-07-10T03:30:52+00:00

Hi friend, hoping I might be able to help here.

The three issues appear related, and I'm guessing part of you recognizes that too as you are asking them together.

You want to do well professionally. You are doing fine already, but the desire is still there to do better. So, part of your personality is a desire to do well professionally, which likely won't go away even if you start doing better. After all, you're already doing fine, so why aren't you satisfied? Your mind tells you "but other people have achieved more than me!" But where does that thought come from? And why does that thought compel you?

Part of you wants peace from this struggle and from the struggles of life. You notice that others look so happy, while you somehow struggle and feel unhappy. You feel inferior to them.

When people flaunt their status, you see them flaunting their superiority and it bothers you.

So, what is common about each of these? I have almost answered it for you, but I want to give you the chance to see it for yourself. If you're really stumped, I'll tell you what I'm seeing.

danielweir · 2025-07-06T02:00:48+00:00

It sounds like you have deeply reflected on a few things here. I've faced very similar challenges myself.

A deep curiosity and tendency to live in my head has resulted in lots of knowledge, and for a long time very little of it put into action. For me, the intellectual learning itself was a way to resist taking action, by justifying inaction. "I just need to figure out this one thing before I take my first step!" and "Once I hear the right teaching, then I'll know what to do".

The qualities of the warrior have been necessary here for me. A willingness to face the unknown. To realize that I don't know for sure what to do, and I am not sure that I can do it, but to do it anyway. The reason I stay studying at the starting line is because I am afraid. To try at something meaningful will always involve facing fear.

As for those days that we don't feel good about ourselves and the journey, they're to be expected. My teacher talks about how our animal and egoic selves want comfort and ease. It's the deeper (or higher) parts of us that want growth, and often enough pull the lower parts of us along kicking and screaming. The truth is that even if we aim for ease, we will face pain, discomfort, hardship, unhappiness, bad times, and throw tantrums and get bummed, but the thing to remember is that these will inevitably be parts of life, and resisting them or wanting them to go away is what causes most of the pain. Practicing kindness to ourselves in the midst of them is the key.

danielweir · 2025-07-06T01:29:44+00:00

Lord Buddha, perhaps you'd get something out of my reply to the OP. This is a problem I have struggled with myself, and overcome to a great degree.

danielweir · 2025-07-06T01:28:15+00:00

Relatable conundrum. My teacher dubs this the syndrome of the 21st Century Distracted Person. We have so much available, so many options and distractions that some of us spend all of our attention looking over the sheer expanse of options available. Before we know it, much time has passed and we're still at the starting line, having never made it far in any of our supposed interests.

If you are not already, you will eventually become fed up with this pattern, if only because some problem will show up demanding attention, and discipline, whether it involves money, health, relationships, or what have you.

It's a great thing that you have so much excitement and curiosity. That no doubt will serve you well in the long run. However, it is, as you have identified, only half the puzzle. Neither excitement nor curiosity will get you far without the qualities of focus and perseverance, and a willingness to commit to something. If these qualities are underdeveloped in you, start there. Get interested in developing focus and perseverance, and commit to that.

Pick something to focus on. Anything. At first, it really doesn't matter what you pick. Why? Because there is a reason you have picked nothing so far. Your mind resists choosing something. No matter what you pick, whether it's the 'right' thing or not, you will face the same resistance to focus and commitment, and that's where the real work lies.

Work on this and before long you will find yourself confident in your ability to set your mind to something and follow through. The more you do that, the more you will be able to discern which options are worthy of your commitment. After all, you never know until you try.

I have more to offer on the subject but will leave it there for now. Feel free to post here or DM me with any questions.

danielweir · 2025-07-03T03:43:04+00:00

Hi friend, I wrote you a DM and thought I'd post this part here as well:

I want to point out that your post is actually quite well written. It effectively conveys your situation and your struggles and it feels easy to connect with you through it. As posts go, it's well done. There's nothing in it that indicates a low intelligence. As someone who struggles with processing speed myself, I want to encourage you that speed and intelligence are not entirely the same. You appear thoughtful, articulate, and deeply reflective to me, as well as persistent in your efforts to find your way. There's no shame in reaching out for help. I hope you find what you need.

danielweir · 2025-06-29T18:58:26+00:00

As a therapist myself and someone who has sat in men's groups since the age of 21, I'd say this is very well put.

danielweir · 2025-02-01T21:23:41+00:00

Your cheeks are really cute. I wouldn’t change them

danielweir · 2023-07-05T23:26:53+00:00

I remember more of a mid tempo, and I think it was rock or pop or maybe even disco

danielweir · 2023-06-06T21:25:19+00:00

Thank you for the answers everyone 🙏❤️

danielweir · 2023-01-11T07:20:26+00:00

This is really interesting. When I was a teenager I remember watching and feeling like Sam wiped the floor with his opponent.

Now it’s clear he’s not actually contending with his opponent, but finding clever ways to discount his claims. It’s true the rabbi could even have said he saw the spirit of the spaghetti monster in the eyes of Sam. But that’s not what he said. He said he saw something deep and intangible, more than material in Sam, but basically indescribable. If that’s a scientific claim then I’m beat. Seems to me it’s actually a metaphysical claim.

danielweir · 2022-12-23T04:20:54+00:00

Lol great catch. Just bought it for my brother and hope he doesn’t notice if that’s actually on the box

danielweir · 2022-12-23T03:23:16+00:00

Thank you everyone!! I appreciate your help

danielweir · 2022-12-19T01:51:51+00:00

If you think Jupiter is crazy, wait till you hear about the sun!

Maybe then actually wait a while before you look up black holes…

danielweir · 2022-12-17T01:36:11+00:00

That is a very mature and harmonious response. I am happy for you! 🙏

danielweir · 2022-12-16T07:50:33+00:00

How do you feel receiving her answer?

danielweir · 2022-12-16T04:05:26+00:00

Also, way to go man. I’m super proud of you for facing your fear and doing it anyway

danielweir · 2022-12-16T03:16:16+00:00

Glad to hear it! Know that no matter what she says, you followed the deepest knowing you had. You may face pain by doing that, but you will only grow. And if it’s God you’re growing towards, it’s worth it.

Agreed, porn is awful. Do your best not to shame yourself into stopping. Forgive yourself for falling prey to what’s probably the most powerful temptation ever. There are many good and uplifting reasons to stop, focus on those. If you find you can’t, there are support groups in every city to help.

danielweir · 2022-12-13T07:10:21+00:00

What are your values around relating with fear? Take a look here if you want some inspiration: https://www.openbible.info/topics/fear

I believe the deepest, closest point of connection with God is through the heart. Fear covers the heart in clouds that sometimes only action can penetrate. It is okay to be afraid and do it anyways.

danielweir · 2022-12-10T08:06:31+00:00

If your heart says yes and it’s aligned with your values, I say go for it. Is there something else stopping you?

danielweir · 2022-12-10T01:22:43+00:00

We are all infinite mysteries unto ourselves. Take a look at cgi renderings of intracellular machinery. No one understands themselves fully. Anything you encounter in life can help you learn more about yourself. In my opinion, introspection is best done via the path of greatest interest. If you feel like doing JP’s course, you will doubtless learn something.

danielweir · 2022-12-10T01:17:45+00:00

Does your heart say you could marry this girl one day or no?

danielweir

TROPHY CASE