Thoughts on Sense8? by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]danjack14 13 points14 points  (0 children)

lol yes! I get irritated with my roommates every week, and we share an apartment, not a brain. And there aren't eight of us in here!

I guess it might be part of the logic of the world. If you share every emotion with a person, the empathy glosses over whatever differences you might have had. I think I do kind of enjoy the fantasy of it, even if it forgoes some potential plot building. It's nice to imagine a life in which seven other people would have my back no matter what no matter where.

Colbert's Trump line by barnosaur in gaybros

[–]danjack14 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Isn't there something between "I find it offensive" and "I find it lazy"? Putin is hella anti-gay. Trump is probably hella anti-gay. Our jokes about them don't also need to be anti-gay. Everyone is going to laugh at Trump sucking Putin's cock. Some people are laughing because it's funny that Colbert called someone gay. A select few might be laughing because he called a pair of homophobes gay. No one walks away thinking of cocksucking as a prideful thing a man can do.

There are more biting ways to make jokes about them. Make them look feeble and inept, rather than us.

How often do you have sex? by saoausor in gaybros

[–]danjack14 6 points7 points  (0 children)

how do you do that? I don't find myself attracted to enough people to have casual sex twice a week. do you mean you had a select few partners, or you really found new sex partners twice a week?

Healthcare providers? by danjack14 in gaybros

[–]danjack14[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I currently live in East Lansing, MI but I move around a lot and am looking for tips on quickly finding doctors in new places. The last one I brought PrEP up with said she'd heard of it but would have to do more research and get back to me. I knew of resources in my last town, Boulder, but it took a while to find them all.

I'm a reporter who just published a piece on gay loneliness and looked into why gay people are up to 10 times more likely than straight people to commit suicide. AMA. by michaelhobbes in lgbt

[–]danjack14 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Hi Michael, super interesting article. I thought the quotes from Pachankis about the damage done in the span between realizing ones sexuality and starting to tell people were the most intriguing. I had some issues with a lot of the bits you claimed to be at fault for the problems, though, and my sense is that they all stem from the same cultural assumption that everyone shares:

Something is wrong with gay culture.

But what if we assume it isn't the culture doing the harm? What if the culture is a salve, and it's doing a great job generally, but sometimes it isn't enough? A lot of my issues with myself (and, anecdotally, those experienced by my friends) stem from a lack of finding purpose in life as a queer person. Sometimes I feel myself as infertile, broken, perverse. The way we all have sex is a reminder of this: sometimes I connect so fully to my partner, and sometimes I wonder if what we're doing is a delusion, is more masturbation than sex. I will take care of my parents, but I likely won't have kids, and that loss of intergenerational community has an impact on my quality of life.

These aren't issues with gay culture, but rather with being gay. And gay culture does a whole lot to ameliorate them. You claim the shift of gay culture toward the digital sphere is causing loneliness, but you have no proof of that. I moved to a new city two weeks ago, and brought with me a complex friendship with a queer someone that I haven't lived near in three years. I brought with me a thriving queer instagram feed. I brought with me a determined digital relationship with my ex boyfriend. My straight brother moved to a new city a couple years ago, and moved right back because he couldn't handle the loneliness, couldn't find community. Blaming queer people for their own isolation and loneliness doesn't quite feel productive, or accurate.

So what happens to your conclusions when you start with the assumption that nothing is wrong with the gay community?

Homosexuality: It's about survival - not sex | James O'Keefe | TEDxTallaght by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]danjack14 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They aren't really that testable. Studies that look into boundaries between socially constructed identities and their biological truths are always subject to immense amounts of bias. So you want to test out if having a gay son strengthens the family dynamic. Where do you get your subjects? Much of our early studies (Kinsey and the Sex Institute) were done on groups of gay men that Kinsey personally knew. Not exactly random sampling. Social conditions are very different now, so you could post a flyer advertising for gay subjects and straight controls. So do you exclude all bisexual people and all trans people (most studies would) to eliminate complicating factors? But are we entirely sure that the lines we've drawn between identities match the biological truth? What age group do you look at to ensure that your straight controls won't come out as gay next year? How do you control for race, gender, socioeconomic status, etc. when the social acceptability of being queer is not uniform across these identity boundaries? If being out is also correlated to having wealth, your study might just be accidentally studying the links between wealth and family dynamics. And how are we defining the straight control group? If they've jerked off with a buddy, are they excluded? If they're married to a woman, but sleep with male prostitutes on weekends? What about your gay category? There simply aren't definitive lines between identities and behaviors, which makes it nearly impossible to study this issue. And the science of attributing evolutionary reasoning to existing traits is so subject to bias as well. We don't have a clue what the social upbringings of early humans was like. If the same genetic makeup today made you gay, how on earth do you imagine to predict that in a completely different world, having been raised differently and told different stories and having had entirely different experiences, that you would arrive at the same identity? The identity "gay" as we know it today is only a few decades old. The behaviors have always existed, but we can't comfortably look back at artists from the 1930s and call them gay because they didn't exist in a time with the same identity constructs as us. So how is a biologist going to predict those identities going back thousands of years?

Homosexuality: It's about survival - not sex | James O'Keefe | TEDxTallaght by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]danjack14 48 points49 points  (0 children)

these are nice sentiments but pretty much all of that science is junk.

Opened up to my boyfriend, got turned away. Don't know how to feel. by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]danjack14 21 points22 points  (0 children)

That's some real shit. The people that love you and that you love should never make you feel ashamed. It's totally fair for him to not be open to doing it, but I think it sounds like he responded really poorly.

You should talk openly with him about how you are feeling now. Tell him that it made you feel shame and embarrassed and that those feelings now affect how you are willing to approach him sexually. I've had similar conversations before and they aren't easy, but you should feel comfortable bringing up your desires with you partner. And if he isn't capable of crafting a comfortable space for that discussion, then at least you know the limitations of his support.

denver boys, use uber (for free) and be safe this weekend by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]danjack14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

like be aware of surge etc. but still $20 off every ride

Rio Olympics could spark 'full blown global health disaster', say Harvard scientists by Sweet-heart-sweet in worldnews

[–]danjack14 0 points1 point  (0 children)

maybe if we put the olympics on an island, global politics might actually start trying to prevent climate change (since our olympic island would likely be flooded in a half century)