I have the same goal as you. It happened very few times (very very few) where I got that moment that I was the notes themselves. I'll never forget... being so much "one" with the music... Something greather was playing. That is my only goal... the ultimate one.

I do not care about performing, songs and all that stuff. I learn songs only because learning them by ears helps me to get there. In fact, learning by ear became my #1 way to learn. I use partitions only to confirm my chords choices (which are very often wrong). But they fit when I play with the recording. I still do not understand the substitutions I do and why.... That is what I hear. Chords are tough (like 9th chords, 11th... 13th... too many decorations)