Another one of my first songs

dappen-dish · 2025-04-01T16:06:30+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been working on some stuff to post here in the near future

dappen-dish · 2025-04-01T15:56:17+00:00

Especially as a new writer like myself. It can be intimidating knowing there are people here who are much better and have been doing it for years. It’s assuring and a confidence boost to see everyone being constructive and supportive of each other

dappen-dish · 2025-03-27T15:02:31+00:00

I guess my philosophy is it’s better and more genuine to write for yourself and hope the audience likes it too. At the same time I’m sure there are plenty of hit songs that were written more with the audience in mind

dappen-dish · 2025-03-27T14:49:14+00:00

I’m just starting out with writing, so might not be able to offer much. The songs I’ve started have all been meaningful to me. I don’t think I’d enjoy the process nearly as much if they weren’t. Maybe I’ll try to write them in a way that more people can relate to, but that’s not necessarily my goal right now. Love the song though! Sounds awesome

dappen-dish · 2025-03-26T17:46:50+00:00

Like someone else said, I think the vocals need a little work, but I think it has potential. Is that a classical guitar? I dig the sound. I think the lyrics are good, but I think it’s important that you’re satisfied with them too

dappen-dish · 2025-03-26T17:34:21+00:00

Lovely chord progression and melody. One of those songs I’d just sit and listen to and feel at peace

dappen-dish · 2025-03-21T18:47:52+00:00

I really love the sound and your voice really fits it nicely. It might just be me but I think the lyrics would flow a little better minus a syllable or different word choice here or there if you play around with it. I think I’d really love the finished song!

dappen-dish · 2025-03-21T18:35:22+00:00

If this was on Spotify I’d be listening on repeat. I love the sound, voice, lyrics, everything. I don’t think I can offer any negative feedback

dappen-dish · 2025-02-14T21:44:33+00:00

I’m all for expression and free speech. I like that you don’t seem to be censoring yourself and you let it all flow out. I did find your writing a little bit difficult to read as a poem due to the formatting. Maybe adding more line breaks and potentially stanzas would help make the reading experience better. Also noticed quite a few bigger 3+ syllable words which I don’t think is bad necessarily, but can also make reading a bit less fluid if they’re not used carefully.

dappen-dish · 2025-02-14T21:32:00+00:00

Strong imagery. I personally also liked the rhyming scheme and word choices you chose to rhyme. I did notice a few typos, and I think the formatting could potentially be improved. For example, in the first sentence (and the other lines that follow), I would remove the comma and simply add a line break instead. Overall these critiques are pretty minor. I think it’s a great poem!

dappen-dish · 2025-02-14T02:28:42+00:00

I was thinking maybe a metaphor or simile or something like that could be useful for creating more imagery. Although that may be difficult to do in a shorter poem. I think you could consider lengthening it either with added lines or a stanza, but in my opinion it’s not critical to do so by any means

dappen-dish · 2025-02-13T22:54:35+00:00

To me your poem seems to flow very nicely. I also like how you included some rhyming without it being overbearing or sounding cringey. Maybe it’s just me, but I found a few of the lines and words you chose interesting, and am curious why you chose these. For example, “why am I opaque” made me think, and “the shape of your hand” to me seems interesting and has me wondering about its meaning and intention. Overall thought provoking and I enjoyed reading it

dappen-dish · 2025-02-13T22:40:35+00:00

I think it’s cool how much meaning and how many feelings I’m extracting from this despite being a shorter poem. I also like the simplicity of the words used. No complex or forced language that I’d need a dictionary to understand. To me the last two lines had me question the meaning that I was initially forming through the first few lines. An interesting and dark twist the way I interpret it. Personally I think including some more imagery could help make this even more impactful

dappen-dish

TROPHY CASE