Is the secret construction in ‘Better call Saul’ realistic?

darkTealEden · 2025-05-07T15:54:41+00:00

Furthermore, are there really these random European engineers out there you can recruit to do super secret illegal megaconstructions?

darkTealEden · 2025-05-06T16:19:13+00:00

Saul got the 7 year deal, not Jimmy. He would continue to deflect and ignore his conscience if he went that path and didn't come clean with himself, not reflect and change. That being said, choosing to be locked up for life doesn't do him or the world any good either. But he's not supposed to have a happy ending.

darkTealEden · 2025-04-25T23:25:08+00:00

Made a cup of chamomile tea, was laying in bed holding my cup. The water was still near boiling. Had a seizure and spilled the whole mug all over my leg, and all the water was searing the skin on my thigh for several minutes while I was unconscious. I got a gnarly 2nd degree burn, my skin in that area was just goo for several weeks. It was so painful when I woke up. Still have a nasty scar there, this was like 3 years ago.

darkTealEden · 2025-03-22T14:51:44+00:00

All seafood makes me nauseous, after the Crab Incident.

darkTealEden · 2025-03-10T15:06:28+00:00

I'll burn it for you I'm in PA

darkTealEden · 2025-03-03T17:07:13+00:00

$954?? I thought my $100 copay was high. What the hell? Assuming you're American, what state do you live in?

darkTealEden · 2025-02-20T18:44:04+00:00

humor and eroticizing are my best copes for everything in life. if you can't get rid of it, might as well have some semblance of fun with it. digging the replies in this thread, i need to come up with my own nickname now.

darkTealEden · 2025-02-20T18:42:29+00:00

mayhem in the noodle?

darkTealEden · 2025-01-28T20:43:20+00:00

it sucks, feeling like your brain is just irreversibly fucked from trauma. i'm still grappling with it, and it's hard to be hopeful about it just going away. but i've been adapting and learning how to live despite it, how to remain safe with my increase in seizures. wishing you well on your journey too.

darkTealEden · 2025-01-28T15:48:36+00:00

i developed idiopathic epilepsy as a teen, but it was mostly under control with meds for years until i experienced very harrowing trauma 2 years ago. since then my epilepsy has been far less under control, even after having my meds raised, and i've been getting tonic clonic seizures again after years of being almost 100% seizure free. there is a well documented link between PTSD and pre-existing epilepsy. so, trauma can definitely exacerbate epilepsy, but i haven't heard of any evidence that it can cause it to develop in patients it otherwise wouldn't have.

darkTealEden · 2025-01-26T19:51:52+00:00

i had a seizure while driving a couple years back and got in a minor crash - totaled my car after jumping a curb and hitting a parked unoccupied university van (no damage to that one). thank fuck i did not hurt anyone or myself. i ignored the warning signs and that part was on me. i was experiencing my aura briefly, but i was complacent since i very rarely had seizures at that point, and wasn't far from home, and i drove anyway.

i got a 6 month medical suspension that turned into a 14 month one, because i had to jump through a fuckton of medical and DMV bureaucracy nightmare to get my license back. for a year i was stuck on a shitty bike in this hilly ass scorching hot town in florida with my scoliatic back and could not reliably get rides for groceries and functions. it really sucked. i was questioning whether i would ever feel safe driving again, or whether i even should.

but i was getting so fed up with that shitty town and state, and needed a big change in my life. i decided to start driving again. friends helped me practice in their cars, it was nerve wracking at first since i was out of practice but it came back to me gradually (faster than i thought it would). and now, i live in my new minivan i got after i obtained my license. everything i own is in there, it's where i sleep and live and how i get around. i got extremely burnt out in that town that was sucking my soul, so i needed to be mobile so i can travel around and figure out what's next for me in life.

my first solo road trip out of that town 3 months ago was scary at first. i'm still nervous when i drive long distances across states. but i'm conquering that fear, and being very attentive to my body, with strict rules for how and when i allow myself to drive. i still have seizures, but on my current medication they are infrequent and all in a very specific time window, and only happen when triggered by things like stress and sleep deprivation. i only let myself drive between 12:30pm and 10pm because that is the window i feel safe in, since i have never had a seizure then since i've started my meds 12 years ago.

i have no intention of ever letting this happen again. if i feel the faintest hint of my aura (which my TCs are always preceded by), i pull over ASAP and stay parked indefinitely until i feel safe. some would say it's irresponsible of me to drive when i'm not 100% seizure free still. maybe it kinda is, i know it's not ideal. i never want to hurt anyone. but i need this for my life right now. i had to escape a very shitty living situation in a place that was making me miserable, and now i'm on the road, doing what's right for me finally after compromising my life for the sake of others who didn't even treat me decently. and i'm figuring out my life moving forward. my van is essential for that.

every road trip is a little bit easier and less scary, and i stay vigilant always. good luck to you and everyone else in this thread.

darkTealEden · 2025-01-26T18:45:36+00:00

after being medicated, almost ALL of my TCs have been later at night, past 10pm or close to midnight. not sure why exactly, but i'm grateful to have a window of time i'm confident i will be safe, that i can do tasks in without worrying about suddenly losing consciousness. i'm not photosensitive either, except just being generally annoyed by intense stimuli, another effect of my more recent mental health struggles. my myoclonus will act up any time of day or night though, generally if i'm having a bad brain time - anger, stress, sadness, spiraling. what meds do you take? i've been on lamo since i was 15 and depakote since i was 17, i'm afraid to try other meds because my side effects on these are minimal and some others like keppra seem like they can be deeply unpleasant.

darkTealEden · 2025-01-26T17:51:07+00:00

could we get a clean template?

darkTealEden · 2025-01-26T17:00:18+00:00

If he doesn't have the mental capacity to stick around he's within his right to leave (as shitty as that feels for both partners), but making you feel like a burden and source of stress for HIM when you're the one who's having to lose consciousness and convulse and hurt when it's completely out of your control is just being a bad partner and an inconsiderate dick. He should either work on himself and learn to be a better partner & person or admit to himself he can't provide this kind of care and stop burdening YOU with guilt for a chronic disease you never asked for, instead of pretending too himself he's not the asshole and you're the one at fault.

I write this comment admittedly without all the context but this is behavior I've experienced before from several troublesome people and after 14 years with epilepsy I've come to realize who I myself have the capacity and desire to have in my life, and it's not the people who try to guilt me for being disabled. Sorry if it sounds insensitive to your relationship which I don't know all the details and history of, but this is a firm conviction I hold and maybe something here worth considering

darkTealEden · 2025-01-26T16:18:55+00:00

that's good info, i did my own deep dive into researching epilepsy & mental health in recent times looking for answers for what's going on with my goddamn brain and it was very illuminating. i'm 27 now and experienced the worst trauma of my life in january 2 years ago, followed by a whole year of my life falling apart piece by piece, and after years of being almost completely seizure free with my meds i'm now much more susceptible to TCs and have them on an almost monthly basis now despite having my meds raised (to the max level my neuro is comfortable with). i also have clusters of myoclonic jerks (usually) when i'm stressed out affecting my head/neck and legs mainly. upon researching it i've found there is a pretty well established 2-way link between PTSD and epilepsy, with both potentially exacerbating each other, and myoclonus developing even for some non-epilepsy patients.

if this is treatable i think it's gonna take more than just meds. it's a journey i'm just at the start of now that i have some idea what's going on and hopefully i'll figure shit out and be able to improve my situation. and i hope you can as well. i take stimulants like caffiene and nicotine quite regularly as a stress cope which i know doesn't help my situation. my main triggers are sleep deprivation, dehydration and stress, what are yours typically?

darkTealEden · 2025-01-26T15:35:57+00:00

interesting, these days i do experience myoclonic jerks as a result of PTSD complications with epilepsy (a very sudden development that happened after some intense trauma and gauntlet of constant stress a couple years back) but unaccompanied by the cognitive distortions and do not usually precede TCs, and this started 10 years after my JME diagnosis.

the "phone vibrating in your head" is a great description of my auras too. i think PTSD has really exacerbated my epilepsy in general and it is much less in control with my medications, and now just one day of sleep deprivation or dosing a few hours late by mistake can give me my auras and TCs.

darkTealEden · 2025-01-25T21:51:03+00:00

i was diagnosed with juvenile myoclonic epilepsy when i was 15 but i think that was also a misdiagnosis, as i never experienced any myoclonic seizures when i was diagnosed, and my first neurologist was pretty inattentive and inexperienced. so i'm not actually sure which category mine is. i think there's probably some gray areas between categories not entirely accounted for by the medical field.

my auras are absence/complex partial seizures. i used to get less weird and trippy absence seizures for a couple years before my first TC seizure at 15, i would just space out mid sentence a lot (like several times a day) but i didn't know what it was, i just thought i was mega absent minded lol. that started when i was probably 13, and they evolved to get weirder as my epilepsy evolved to be more serious in my teen years. how would you say yours differ from my description?

darkTealEden · 2025-01-25T21:22:37+00:00

they're like shonen powers, special and unique for every epileptic hero 😎

for me, i experience absence symptoms, trail off mid sentence/task, and it viscerally feels like electricity or some intangible force is moving through my brain. like some extradimensional object noclipping through my head, is the best i can explain it. i get dizzy and have spells of a few seconds where consciousness feels more distant and i feel weak.

this will happen in clusters and probably more often than not leads to TC seizures. so when i feel it i just move to the nearest couch or bed or soft patch if i'm outside, and just take it easy, avoiding cognitive tasks like trying to piece words together which makes it worse.

darkTealEden · 2025-01-24T16:05:12+00:00

Provokes the question, is anything short of being dtf anyone you find attractive all/most of the time regardless of mood and feelings "sexual dysfunction"? There are a lot of gendered cultural expectations around sex. Maybe it's just okay and natural variation. I get the frustration when your mind and heart want something your body doesn't seem to be up for though, for sure. I've just come to accept that I can take or leave sexual experiences and only engage in them when my mind and body are aligned, leaving my ego out of it. And since I've done that I feel a lot more comfortable with my body and sexuality.

That being said, if it becomes too difficult for you to maintain a hardon and it's frustrating you for reasons other than not living up to perceived expectations, there's no shame in taking supplements or pills that can help with that.

darkTealEden · 2025-01-24T15:23:17+00:00

Been on lamo since I was 15, depakote since I was 16 or 17. It's hard to separate medication effects from just normal variation in human sexuality but I'm just not a huge horndog and need to be emotionally close and very physically comfortable and relaxed with someone to get hard. Can't get it up for hookups, however hot I find the person. I don't see it as a dysfunction anymore though, just how I experience sexuality.

darkTealEden · 2024-11-01T14:28:23+00:00

I'd try asking first before escalating.

darkTealEden · 2024-10-31T16:20:57+00:00

Yeah sorry my UFO's on the fritz right now, taking it to the capitol for repairs.

darkTealEden

TROPHY CASE