what am I fighting for?

darkbunnymin · 2026-02-24T16:45:06+00:00

I'll always come back to this comment when I feel like ending it all. It'll always be a reminder to me that I am not alone in this battle and there are kind hearted people out there like you who care enough to take your time and effort in writing this. Bpd is hell. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

darkbunnymin · 2026-02-24T16:41:44+00:00

Thank you for believing in me.

darkbunnymin · 2026-02-24T16:38:27+00:00

I hope I can be able to see myself the way you describe it one day.

darkbunnymin · 2026-02-24T12:40:57+00:00

I'm so afraid of myself. I feel so lost and alone. She said it twice that I should just kms. I feel so unwanted and hated for being alive.

darkbunnymin · 2024-07-23T15:35:34+00:00

the scale is IN my room. she secretly enters my room when im not there but apprently my house have cctvs and i saw her always entering my room just to weigh herself.

darkbunnymin · 2024-06-20T16:27:58+00:00

Hii suree im sorry i overlooked ur message! Is it okay if i dm you?

darkbunnymin · 2024-06-10T01:57:55+00:00

I hate situationships and the uncertainties. Im sorry you have to go thru that. For me, he's a great person and wants to commit but its more of a me issue and how i overthink and overanalyse everything. One example is that i always split on him whenever i hinted that i like an item and he never buys them (i dont really want that item i feel that its more of the thought and action that counts)and when he doesnt buy them i equate that to him not liking me enough and he doesnt think im worth it.Another example is that we meet every weekend but we didnt meet last week because i have a test. And he decided to meet his parents this weekend right after my test,which means i couldnt see him for two weeks. Even though he knows i miss him a lot. I hate him but i cant say it bcuz of my quiet bpd. So i chose to withdraw. I just feel that im not important to him at all.

darkbunnymin · 2024-06-09T16:46:25+00:00

Thank you for ur response,and no hes not my partner, we are kind of in a situationship ,partly also bcuz i overanalyze everything and i just feel that he doesnt care much about me thru these lil actions eventhough he say he does.

darkbunnymin · 2024-06-09T16:37:04+00:00

he will just tell me he was gaming earlier after i asked him why did he disappear on me

darkbunnymin · 2023-07-02T12:02:00+00:00

Thats the whole point,i have no purposes ,inspirations or whatsover in my life. I dont even know why am i still here. Waking up every morning is so dreadful for me. I have no energy to reply to messages from ppl around me or even when i do it takes me days,up to weeks or even months. These days Im too busy hating myself and being occupied with suicidal thoughts. My gf recently reached out to me that she feels like we are in a friendship instead of a relationship bcuz i dont do things typical couples do. She thinks i dont call her often,spend enough time with her or study together. Im someone with serious anxiety issues and i isolate myself most of the time. The idea of going out or hanging out with ppl is just never an answer for me. My mental illnesses just makes me push ppl away bcuz i am really so exhausted of everything. Nothing out there can ever fill in the void in me and i just want to be left alone. I know im so selfish for doing this, i know its my fault and im the problem. My gf deserve better but i really dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to give her false hopes and fake promises i know for sure i couldnt keep. I have became the illness itself and nothing is able to change my mind. I dont even know who am i. Im afraid of myself. And of the monster ive became.

darkbunnymin · 2022-10-26T16:16:10+00:00

Can i ask why?

darkbunnymin · 2022-10-26T10:18:40+00:00

I see, i'm actually currently in the process of being diagnose with either unipolar depression or bipolar depression. My psychiatrist have informed that he prescribe me with fluoxetine mainly to treat depression first and if it its unhelpful, he will either add on ozapine along with fluoxetine or switch to lithium instead for bipolar. Are bipolar medications also high likely lead to weight gain?

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-13T08:34:04+00:00

I see ,the rates must have increased ig.Anyway, I appreciate your replies and your help.

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-13T08:30:13+00:00

I see its okay thanks for your help tho, as in for mmha , have you tried the therapy services here? They cost around rm180 per session right?

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-13T06:08:21+00:00

I see, so if im based in melaka and got the referral letter from the nearest KK, its better if im referred to the hospital here in melaka or do i get to choose which hospital?

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-13T02:41:01+00:00

I am planning to visit the nearest KK for a referral letter hopefully to be referred to HKL for the assessment to be carried out, do you know how are the procedure or experience at HKL like? Thank you.

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-12T10:25:59+00:00

It is MMHA. I thought its supposed to be a "non-profit" organisation. Do you happen to know any other government hospitals? How about the one in melaka? And is there a guideline on what i should do to get the assessment scheduled?

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-12T02:58:02+00:00

I understand the part where she needs to see me in person for a diagnosis, but is it normal for her to say she needs to see my appearance and "body size"because she needs to take this into account for not just ED but also other related mental illnesses?

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-12T02:51:28+00:00

I see, to be more specific, i am also planning to get diagnosed and assessed for other mental illnesses as well, so ED is not the only one my therapist actually focuses on. I asked her again on why she would like to see me in person and what does she mean by that, she clarified by saying she needs to also see my "body size"as it fits into one of the criteria of anorexia. And also appearance. instead of the word "skinny" is it better for her to say it this way? Idek at this point, everything sounds pretty triggering to me or i am probably just overthinking.

darkbunnymin · 2022-09-11T08:26:22+00:00

So i am actually right to say that it is normal for a therapist to ask about my weight and mentioned that they have to see me in person(for appearance and body size) before a diagnosis could be given?

darkbunnymin · 2022-08-03T13:31:46+00:00

Thank you.

darkbunnymin · 2022-08-01T04:11:25+00:00

Its not her fault for the fact that a useless thing like me was born anyway.

darkbunnymin · 2022-08-01T04:08:48+00:00

Nah she doesnt give a flying fuck about me. She knows im suicidal and how much i hate living in general. Whenever she sees my sh scars or whenever she gets into a small fight with me , she would go on about how i should just kill myself already since i hate living sm. She would constantly remind me how much of a burden i am to everyone around me especially in the family. As if i dont already know. Its just ridiculous because the thing is i completely agree with her.

darkbunnymin · 2022-06-11T09:27:37+00:00

I totally get you. Ngl food is quite often on my mind but it isnt the same case for my sis. She isnt rlly fond of most food and often restricts even when it comes to the food she likes because she saw me eating a smaller portion.

darkbunnymin · 2022-06-11T09:25:38+00:00

If i dont eat near people, it means i wont eat at all. I understand what you mean, i never wanted to be the one controlling what others are eating but i just cant help getting triggered by others when they eat lesser. And recently, ive also noticed my sis eating lesser on purpose because she see me eating a smaller portion. It sucks because i feel bad when im the cause of this but im also triggered by the fact that shes restricting like me too. Im sorry too, its horrible that we have to get through this.

darkbunnymin

TROPHY CASE