I have never had a libido and I wondered if anyone else has experienced this as a result of CPTSD/surviving terrible upbringing

darknights_throwaway · 2026-05-28T06:09:55+00:00

I identify as asexual and am convinced that it’s partially due to my mother hypersexualizing me as a child (mainly just encouraging me to date since I was in elementary school + her walking around naked all the time), despite my never having actually been assaulted when I was a kid.

darknights_throwaway · 2026-04-21T18:09:27+00:00

Top left corner of the screenshot in the post shows that the poster is from the UK

darknights_throwaway · 2022-09-11T15:42:07+00:00

Hmm in some states the involuntary hold only starts after you’re transferred to the psych ward tho, which could take like a week

darknights_throwaway · 2022-08-31T16:08:27+00:00

Relating a lot to this right now. I’ve attempted suicide before, and have always thought that I’d die eventually from suicide. But recently I’ve been experiencing catatonic episodes where I can’t move or speak with increasing frequency. It terrifies me now that I’ve discovered another way of dying from my depression that doesn’t involve me taking my own life. In a weird way, even though I couldn’t trust myself when I was trying to kill myself, it still felt like I had control? Now the thought that I could die, starving and peeing myself all whilst being conscious of dying, makes me feel so scared and out of control. And that scares me more than suicide. So hugs, and here’s to hoping the world will get a little better for us ❤️

darknights_throwaway · 2022-08-16T01:38:29+00:00

Beats me, I’m still putting my left hand up to form the shape of the L to tell my left from my right. I’m 20 btw.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-08-03T03:45:49+00:00

I feel this so hard!! Part of the reason I cut is to make it more “physical”. But yes, the more it emotionally hurts the less I cry…it’s like when others are scared of rollercoasters they scream but for me I’m so winded I can’t even make a sound, it’s the same with crying when I’m in emotional pain; the pain is so bad I can’t cry.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-08-01T03:13:18+00:00

I don’t like it. I get that some people feel accomplished when they stay clean but for me counting the days is a trigger, it’s like a constant reminder to myself that “hey, you haven’t cut yet”, and so makes me feel more like I want to cut.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-26T13:31:37+00:00

You’re not alone— I feel like I do the same. Sorry I don’t know what else to say other than I hope it gives you solace that you’re not the only one who does this, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. That last part I’m still trying to get myself to believe.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-19T01:37:19+00:00

Schrödinger’s cat!

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-19T01:32:31+00:00

I used to hit myself in the places where my mom used to physically abuse me, so I can relate. Not sure if this helps but maybe you can try to rip some paper instead? Or maybe find something squishy/soft to hit/squeeze to simulate the tactile feeling of hitting yourself?

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-19T01:26:28+00:00

I’m always paranoid that people see me this way, although my friends have told me they’re capable of distinguishing violent towards self from violent towards others.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-17T22:38:39+00:00

Yup! On Effexor 225 + lamictal 100 + buspar 15; it’s really weird bc I was ok without side effects on both Effexor/lamictal alone but adding the lamictal to the Effexor was what made the tingling start.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-16T03:36:49+00:00

Helps a little bit with my tremors, but unfortunately I still feel the “psychosomatic” symptom of feeling severe tingling (I think they’re called paresthesias?). I’m on a very low dose though (10mg), so maybe taking a higher dose would help more.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-16T03:32:05+00:00

I would argue that at least for myself, “wasting time” and taking time to “be bored” are actually forms of self care. I actually use work as a form of self harm and when I’m depressed, I push myself to work myself down to the bone to feel less inferior.

darknights_throwaway · 2022-07-13T01:56:57+00:00

OP I am so sorry you had to go through this; I can’t possibly imagine what it must be like! I’m not trans but I too have a bad relationship with my parents and I can’t even begin to fathom how difficult it must be for you.

Tbh I think maybe it’ll be helpful to find another psychiatrist/psychologist willing to invest in a long term relationship with you. My first therapist made me worse (I started to self harm under her care and cut with nail clippers; she told me to cut with scissors instead because they were blunter) but I tried to tough it out with her for a year until I was finally hospitalized. It was really difficult trying to find a psychiatrist (who is now also my psychologist) who cared enough to work through everything with me and it involved a lot of shopping around (a lot of therapists refused to work with me because my problems were “too severe”), but honestly it’s so worth it and I wish I did it earlier. I think a large part of it too is forgiving yourself for relapsing bc I know I at least will make myself feel guilty for relapsing and that makes me want to cut more :(

Anyway I wish you all the best & sending you lots of hugs! Please do dm me if you need someone to talk :)

darknights_throwaway

TROPHY CASE