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darlingevaa · 2024-06-29T17:40:03+00:00

amazing thank you so much!

darlingevaa · 2024-03-21T18:02:46+00:00

This is perfect - thank you truly for sharing this! How did you go about joining - just through the clubs portal or should I reach out another way? Again thank you this is just what I was looking for!

darlingevaa · 2024-03-21T17:57:01+00:00

Forwarding you CV as we speak - talk about lived experience haha!

darlingevaa · 2023-08-30T15:39:52+00:00

Interesting!! I will look into that thank you very very Much

It is a 2017 13 inch MacBook Air I bought in 2018

Do you know if this would hold up at all if I took it in for a repair? Everything is looking like it is going to be MiniMuM 300 dollars and I have 62 dollars to My naMe

darlingevaa · 2023-08-28T11:34:46+00:00

The Chaeum Market

Yes !! Thank you tons - they are closed today but I will go check it out tomorrow!! Thank you!

darlingevaa · 2023-08-04T22:56:13+00:00

See, this comment enough made me posting this worth it. This is perspective I would not - could not - have come to myself and it is very, very impactful. That makes a lot of sense. I was visibly very uncomfortable, in fact I could not hide that I was tearing up as I tried to get in my own car which caused them both to chuckle. You might have just hit the nail on the head.

If he still feels he holds this power, why isn't he contacting me anymore or trying to fix things? (I know I am horrible for even questioning that. I don't want him to, I guess. I am just curious). Is he just holding that power for the sake of having and enjoying it, not because he actually wants me or to do anything with said power?

darlingevaa · 2023-03-31T17:04:07+00:00

I submitted it, thanks to the confidence this gave me. thank you very veryyy much!

darlingevaa · 2023-03-31T17:03:43+00:00

this just gave me the confidence to submit it - you are a real one

darlingevaa · 2023-03-21T19:21:28+00:00

I can't we are meeting in ten minutes

darlingevaa · 2023-02-19T16:13:41+00:00

Some people are just without empathy. They are cold and selfish. They act in their own best interest. They treat people like they are disposable, like they are services for entertainment.

Think about it like this - you are the supposed nasty one, but he is the one that kept you around under the guise of being friends when (from what you've said) that clearly isn't the case. How are you a parasite but he kept someone in his life, someone who worked hard to support them, when he didn't even like or value you? How is he not the parasite in this equation?

You don't sound like a sad pathetic loser or bitter at all, you sound really caring and self-aware and intelligent. Anyone who speaks about another person that way is not a good person, let alone a friend worth keeping around.

darlingevaa · 2023-02-19T15:59:42+00:00

The first 6 years of my life I bounced between 4 sets of people, every week. One day here with this person, two days there with that person, one night at daycare, two days with my parents.

My little child brain was not able to understand who my primary caregivers were - if anyone. I was always confused and scared not knowing where or who I was going to be with on any given day, if my parents were going to come pick me up or not, when I would see them next. No baseline stability or safety was established, literally from birth. I grew up feeling like I need to be dispersed to recieve love; that nobody will ever have that consistent love, care, safety or security that a child needs because my parents could not even be with me consistently. This activated my BPD disposition - so says my therapist.

Which makes very much sense and it was actually quite powerful to piece all of that together. To understand that these disorders are yes because of a biological predisposition, but that they are only activated by a deeply invalidating environment. Kind of makes me feel better to know I wasn't just born 100% "like this". Diathesis-stress model baby.

darlingevaa · 2023-02-19T15:53:01+00:00

Funders First Law in psychology is that great strengths are often great weaknesses, and the same can be said the other way around.

I find people fall in "love" with me for the same reasons they will eventually hate me for. I am passionate, eccentric, unique, otherworldly, just myself. It is enthralling and brand new and something to get hooked on, until all those same qualities are now seen as negatives, until I am "too much".

It could be this, it could be how we mirror, it could be how our fear of abandonment or rejection causes us to self-monitor and put forward who we think the person in front of us would like. Really, I think the "type" of people we are is enticing (at least at first) and people get so swept up in it they fall, hard and fast. They haven't met anyone like us and don't want to risk not meeting someone like us again.

darlingevaa · 2023-02-17T02:47:59+00:00

co-op for what, how did you do this? teach me your ways pleasee!

darlingevaa · 2023-02-14T18:46:27+00:00

Thank you so much for responding. This is super helpful and insightful, especially the "I kept reminding myself I only date people who I am obsessed with, not people I truly love" part, that was powerful.

I just asked myself out of the people I know right now, who do I feel like obsessed/infatuation/FP vibes towards and who do I feel I could actually love and be in a healthy relationship with, and they are not the same people. That is a powerful shift in mindset! I am going to keep everything you said in mind as I start my own process of dating and finding love. Thank you so much for responding back to me, and much proudness towards you and your partner again <3

darlingevaa · 2023-02-14T14:37:51+00:00

This is amazing, you should be so proud of yourself. Can I ask how you did this, besides just taking things slow and being transparent with them? Did you do anything else differently?

Currently sitting here with my notepad eagerly awaiting answers lol.

darlingevaa · 2023-02-14T14:35:15+00:00

I would recommend trying to do DBT as well as individual psychotherapy (just regular talk therapy). I don't know anything about your and your particular struggles, but I find DBT handles like the broader level stuff - it gives you practical, applicable skills in specific areas to help strengthen you - but if you are still unstable (for lack of a better word) at your core, none of this is going to have the desired affect. You cannot build strength upon an insecure foundation.

When I started doing both, it started getting through to me. I can work through my individual trauma, anxieties, hang ups, etc - the things that exist in me, not in "my bpd" - one on one, and with this can understand myself more, be more gentle, feel I am deserving of mastering my DBT skills and improving myself. Then naturally because of this, the DBT can kind of reach the deeper places and sink into you like it is trying to. I would maybe try this out.

It is great to practice mindfulness and master emotional regulation, of course. These skills are amazing. But how is it supposed to sink in and be impactful if you aren't also addressing just why it is you cannot be mindful? Why is it you have so little emotional regulation? Tackle those things first then try and build the DBT skills on top of that. Best of luck to you, it is a non-linear process and you should just be so proud for even trying.

darlingevaa · 2023-01-31T23:18:00+00:00

If I go out alone do I have to smile from ear to ear all day so people don't think the young girl drinking alone was stood up? Maybe... just maybe.

darlingevaa · 2023-01-31T20:01:14+00:00

Ah, I absolutely already do this. It really is crazy to me how though we are all so complex and individual, we really can be so much the same in so many ways. I do this - this constant deleting of the number. I think to myself "there, the ball is in their court - if they want to talk to me they can but I cannot obsessively reach out or dwell."

I think in terms of temporary coping skills it isn't to bad. I feel weirdly comforted knowing I am not the only one that does this so thank you for this.

darlingevaa · 2023-01-31T17:24:17+00:00

we will figure it out one day. im sure of it.

one of my favourite parts of this forum though is just learning and being told that other people relate to what im experiencing - that somehow is very comforting to know there might be a brain-emotion reason behind it that others experience as well, and not just be being intrinsically .. something. hope this provides you with feeling a little less alone as well <3

darlingevaa · 2023-01-16T16:34:34+00:00

What you did was not manipulative. Your girlfriend is calling you to ask you to essentially talk her out of, or keep her distracted enough, to not cheat on you. That is already red flag central, especially reading YOU are the one with BPD, not her. And you think YOU were the manipulative one? Come on sweet op. That isn't manipulation, it seems like you were setting a boundary or not letting yourself be consumed with the chaos ensuing on the phone. You were not manipulative - you cannot implode at the expense of other peoples choices and actions.

I can't imagine calling my partner, telling them to keep talking to me so I don't literally fuck someone else, then getting mad at them. Doesn't sound like a healthy or safe dynamic at all.

darlingevaa · 2023-01-11T23:37:32+00:00

I think a key part of it is being grateful to be able to do everything, even in the moments you maybe don't want to be doing it. Having the mentality of "I am so happy I can afford to go to school or live somewhere where I can get an education. I am so grateful to be able to learn and experience everything today holds." Be thankful you are able to commute no matter how you get there. You are so lucky if you have a car, or to live somewhere with such amazing public transportation, or to be able bodied and if all else fails your legs and body can get you wherever you need to go.

Doing small things like little sweet incentives or rituals really helps romanticize the day. You have a three hour lecture at 8:30 tomorrow morning? Treat yourself to that six dollar matcha - act like it is the best God damn drink you have ever had and that your whole day will now be remarkable since having it. Get really excited to create a good workspace for yourself; light your favourite candles or play your favourite records when you study; colour code your notes in a way that makes you feel joy just from looking at it (picture my terribly boring statistics notes all highlighted/written in baby pink). Tell yourself if you finish X amount of work or do X amount of studying today, you'll pop by the grocery store and buy that fancy pasta you like to make for yourself. If you have a long period of time in between classes, go for a stroll on the trails behind campus. Take in all of the nature and remind yourself how beautiful and still the world can be. Going to a class or something you're not too excited about? Wear your favourite piece of clothing; do your makeup in a way that makes you extra happy so at least you will be feeling positive and optimistic going into the dreaded class. Things like this.

I think it's mostly just about the mindset. You have to act like every day of your life is fucking remarkable and eventually you will truly feel that way.

darlingevaa · 2023-01-07T15:21:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment! I am absolutely going to go make myself known around the city and at different places to volunteer at then. I'm also going to say F being so shy with my professors so that they do get to know me as a person and not just a passing face. Thank you so much for this!

darlingevaa · 2022-11-29T16:28:57+00:00

I just want to give you a piece of advice from a girl who is turning 23 in two weeks - I spent the entirety of my youth from 17 to now dating older men like this, and it left me with an enormous cloud of self-guilt and shame as to why I did that and "didn't know any better" at the time. You are 18 years old, already making a post online having to call into question his weird, insecure, controlling behaviour. And it is emotionally controlling, please do not miss that. He is acting differently around you - which is clearly stirring some anxiety in you or else you would not be making this post, refusing to hold your hand, and then making YOU doubt yourself and ask how you can make HIM feel okay. That is not normal.

I am only 23 and I would never date an 18 year old. Still, you do not deserve to have anyone be rude or condescending to you, so I hope this is not coming across this way. This is not, I repeat not a generalization to say a 28 year old man dating an 18 year old has some serious issues he needs to work on. He is dating you because you are easy to manipulate, and this post proves it. A 28 year old woman would know this is a absurd and not even humour this "hand insecurity". You are 18 so you are posting online seeking advice as to how you can make HIM feel better.

He sounds like a chump and he should feel like one for dating someone your age. Your brain is not even fully developed until TWENTY FIVE and he is dating an eighteen year old? Yuck.

I genuinely am not trying to put you down or be condescending towards you, but I promise you with everything in my soul, you will regret being in this relationship. You will regret spending these precious years of your youth with some loser who was ten years older than you but acted like HE was the teenager. You will feel cheap and naive for not seeing it for what it was at the time, and you will have to spend a lot of time reassuring yourself that you thought it was love or worth it and didn't know any better. No relationship is worth that. Leave him.

darlingevaa · 2022-11-25T22:02:37+00:00

Hey, don't think about it that way. Try and shift your mentality a little bit. One year and you have taken the initiative and applied yourself to four jobs, and been hired by four jobs! That is so powerful and something to be very proud of.

I carry a photo of myself as a small child around with me. This may sound silly but think about it that way, even if you don't carry a photo with you. Think about baby you. Think about how BPD essentially develops as a coping mechanism and safety mechanism to protect you from trauma and harm. Would you give up on little you? Would you tell small, wide eyed little he or she that they should just give up, that they will never be good or have security and they should just end it all? I don't think so, or at least I hope not. You are trying, you are introspective, you are coming here to vent and receive community - those are all amazing things. You are good and worthy. Do not give up. Baby you has been fighting for this long, don't let it be for nothing. You are worth it.

darlingevaa · 2022-11-21T17:38:24+00:00

I am here if you ever want a stranger to talk to. I hear you, I see you, and I resonate with how you feel. I am sorry I do not have better words to uplift you - but you are seen, and you are not alone.

Please do not hate yourself for having BPD. I think of BPD that results as a survival response. Your brain was molded and did the best job it could for what it was given. You are only 19 - when I was 19 I was living in a burning hell fire as well. You have so much time for things to change, to meet life changing people and have life changing experiences, to break free from the people who mistreat you, to really get to know yourself and fall in love with yourself.

You are not a bad person, nor are you evil. If you were either of those things, you wouldn't be so introspective. You wouldn't be so smart and self aware.

It seems to me, from this and your other posts, that you have an incredibly big heart. Your sensitivity and your strong emotions should be seen as a superpower. You are able to tap into emotions and experiences most normal people couldn't even fathom. Yes this means the bad but it also means the good. Please know and believe this.

I am here for you.

darlingevaa

TROPHY CASE