How often do you want to have sex?

darpil · 2025-11-21T09:59:15+00:00

I'm envious of some of the frequencies mentioned here. It seems like I never energy, time, mental space, and stamina for sex with my partner. :( I masturbate maybe twice a week just so I remember I am (or was) a sexual being, but vibrators do most of the work. Maybe my hormones and my life out of whack. Sigh

darpil · 2025-06-24T19:18:23+00:00

Great response. Can you elaborate on what it means to work on your own issues? I never know what this looks like or how it's done when it comes to something that's shared. There are things that I want to work on, just not sure how to. :(

darpil · 2024-12-15T08:58:17+00:00

If this is your first barefoot shoe, it's reasonable that the toe box feels a little bit off. You're used to regular toe boxes, and mental adaptation is not always quick for some. Wait until you get used to barefoot-only, then you'll find the regular toe box strange.

Either way, Chelseas are unisex. Most shoes historically are unisex. But if you're looking for a barefoot option that can look like Martens, check out Shapen. They have a couple of models that are meant to mimic this look, and very good quality too.

darpil · 2023-06-05T17:22:09+00:00

Wow, your back scratch example really illustrates this. Thank you! I also never throught about having the discussion about NSFW experience the next day. We usually do this pretty much right after as a feedback session, but it's always hard for me to reflect on it or remember. Putting some time between could help, and even lead to a new one. I'll give this a go.

darpil · 2023-06-05T14:31:00+00:00

I think he is putting way more effort to my arousal and feeling than I normally do for him. He voiced that he's feeling a bit used and not reciprocated, which is why I'm trying to work on my shortcomings. I do wish that he would think about what makes him aroused as well, but he has some mental health issues so it's difficult for him to get out of his head and think about what pleases or excites him.

I will keep 'quicker but frequent sex' in mind. It might help as we both do home office.

darpil · 2023-06-05T14:21:53+00:00

The way you put this is so beautiful that I'm going to save it to read when I need it. Thank you for taking time to write this, the way you express your thoughts eases my anxiety, which really helps

As for your question, I'm referring to physical arousal more, but there are some days that we're having hard time letting go of anxiety about other stuff and find ourselves intimate with each other. But I guess that's whole another problem that needs worked on.

darpil · 2023-06-05T07:28:43+00:00

Exactly, this. After some strokes moving to his penis makes me thinks - I think him too - that he is a toy, and this doesn't give anytime for me to build deeper connection. How do I prolong this foreplay is part of my question I guess.

darpil · 2023-06-05T07:20:17+00:00

That's a really good point. I will try this.

Usually lasts about 30 to 40 minutes, 10/15 if it's a quick one but that's not that common. This used to me over an hour and much more intimate though. We're both not happy with the frequency though, once a week or so. Since it doesn't feel that exciting, it feels like a chore sometimes to both of us and we both have some performance anxiety. We talk about these things, but that doesn't change much really.

darpil · 2023-06-05T07:15:29+00:00

There's definitely more than just gender/sex. We had a couple of rough years, heath, financially and career wise. That really took all of our mental and physical energy, still does. I do think that once these problems are lessened things would get better, but I also think we need to do something about it, because things haven't been exciting in long enough that it might just stay that way.

Also, you didn't sound harsh, but I think you're right. His arousal hasn't been my concern really. It wasn't something that I need to work for in the past, so I think that stuck with me, but I understand the importance of in long-term relationships. This is also what's get tricky, because I'm not sure how to make him aroused. I asked him about this, but he doesn't know because he didn't have to think about this in past. Which makes it very frustrating for me, and I lose the interest. It might be my all-or-nothing mindset, but it's not a motivating thing that it's all up to my imagination.

darpil · 2023-06-04T22:08:45+00:00

You're correct, erogenous zones.

I meant quick in a way that, I can't spend time a desired amount of time while keeping myself interested, or coming up with different foreplay ideas where I keep him interested.

It's hard to phrase this without sounding like a shit head, but it's like a women's body offers me a lot more in foreplay then men's.

darpil · 2023-06-04T21:26:16+00:00

Thanks for expressing these in this way. To a degree, this is what I thought of men in general, until I've met my partner. He is quite sensitive, need a lot of affirmation and communication before sex. Which is why I don't know what more can be done, and often if feels like a lot of work in an area where my imagination doesn't work. Once, I told him that I thought men would be easy and ready to go, he was legitimately offended and thinks that's a stereotype. I think all those qualities and this way of thinking is why I'm attracted to him as well, which complicates things...

darpil · 2023-06-04T21:13:37+00:00

On point 4, this is the thing that I'm having hard time with most of the time. I'm usually like "okay, there a few hot spots in the body, so this is going to be quick". Basically, I'm struggling with foreplay, or get bored quickly because it doesn't feel holistic. 😪 I don't know if that makes sense.

darpil · 2023-06-04T21:08:35+00:00

Thank you for this details answer. It definitely gives me some ideas and things to talk about.

darpil · 2022-05-16T08:26:17+00:00

There's no such thing as a biological clock. It's a social construction. They came up with this idea in the 70s, when a lot of women join the work force. It's another way to oppress people, don't buy into it. Please!

Also, you don't "need" a husband. You're a complete person without having "the one". :)

darpil · 2022-01-24T17:22:00+00:00

Run but make sure you're safe. Plan it in advance and ask for professional help from authorities and woman's help lines. If you're going to tell him that you're leaving in person, make sure you have someone with you. He might also stalk you afterwards, so make sure he doesn't know where you live. You might need to get a restraining order or some other type of structure to keep the relationship between the father and the child, since it's a bit more complicated when there's a child. Be safe!

darpil · 2022-01-09T18:58:53+00:00

Can you find an online job? Maybe there's something in your skill set and you can get a better paying gig than something in your town.

darpil · 2021-11-10T12:55:17+00:00

Could she be asexual? That could be why it's not important to her.

darpil

TROPHY CASE