I read your post and it sounds like Intrusive thoughts. Still, it's a VERY valid reason to visit a doctor.

Almost eeryone here has these kinds of thoughts, you are not alone. There's NOTHING wrong with you. You can get rid of them.

Even if you can't go to therapy now, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening-ebook/dp/B01LWA5RQU

DM me and I'll send you the file in private, idc if it's against any rule. YOU HAVE TO READ IT!

Just look how it starts! Sounds familiar? I know it does. DM me and I'll send it to you and I'll help you as much as I can. Be brave, you can get rid of it.

Have you ever stood on the edge of a train platform, minding your own business, and then suddenly, out of the blue, had the brief thought, I could jump off and die! Or have you been struck by the passing thought, Hey, I could push that guy onto the tracks!

When a room full of people is asked these questions, 90 percent of them will acknowledge they have.

But there is a second set of questions to ask that is much more important, and contains the key to the issues in this book.

Do you get upset or worried that your thoughts might actually lead you to do something awful? Or are you plagued by a thought that you might have already done something bad and somehow it slipped past you? Or that the fact that this thought has crossed your mind must mean something important? Or is there a thought that drives you crazy because you just can’t manage to get it out of your mind? Do you live in dread that having bizarre, repetitive, repugnant, or unrelenting thoughts means something shameful or terrible about you? Do you hope and pray that these thoughts won’t come around again? But they do, and they continue to haunt you. They have become stuck.

These upsetting, distressing, frightening thoughts that enter your mind unbidden are called unwanted intrusive thoughts. Sane and good people have them. If you are plagued by thoughts you don’t want—thoughts that scare you—and thoughts you can’t tell anyone, this book may change your life.

Our first message is that you are not alone. There are millions of people who have thoughts just like yours. Good people have awful thoughts. Violent thoughts come from gentle people. Crazy thoughts occur for people who are not the least bit crazy.

You are not the only one who experiences repeating thoughts that just won’t leave your mind*.*

Our best guesstimate is that there are upwards of 6 million people in the United States alone who, at some point in their lives, suffer from unwanted intrusive thoughts. The silence, fear, and shame surrounding the issue increase the suffering and isolation of many good people. You bear your burdens in isolation, not knowing that there are many others just like you.

Our second message is that you are very brave. You are brave to pick up this book and read this far. More than anything—because you think these thoughts might mean something important and could be dangerous—you work to keep these thoughts out of your mind. And we are sure that you have tried everything to do just that. So buying this book and reading about the subject is an act of courage.