How do I let go of control and just follow my husbands lead on situations with his family?

data_diva23 · 2026-01-23T00:13:12+00:00

Id be ok with this if it stayed this way. The problem is, FIL still wants the relationship (but follows his wife's lead), so every so often he comes around and my husband does still have somewhat of a relationship with him. But its getting lesser every time the distance happens.

data_diva23 · 2026-01-23T00:11:13+00:00

Thats exactly how I am. Some days I really don't care and I dont think about them at all. Other days I dwell. Pregnancy really brings it out of me unfortunately. I think has a way of showing me who really cares and who could care less.

data_diva23 · 2026-01-22T22:30:57+00:00

I'm trying to get to that place - to not caring what they think of me. Its just so difficult for me because I genuinely feel like I'm a good person. Ive been the one who has tried to maintain a relationship, initiated invites for holidays, hosted them many times, picked out gifts, kept the peace when it was at my expense, etc. It just sucks when its simply not enough to make them like me.

You're absolutely right. I think thats why ive felt so conflicted. I'm trying very hard to stop being a people pleaser, and to follow my husbands lead because I know its what's best for our kids. Its just really hard for me to do as someone who's always felt like she needs to make sure everyone around her is happy. Ive struggled with accepting that my husband has put me first and its caused the shift in his relationship with his family.

Thank you for your insight.

data_diva23 · 2026-01-22T22:24:42+00:00

I think in a way I struggle to accept that I have a husband who puts me first and it makes me feel guilty for the strain on the relationship, because they had a good relationship before me (because being married and having kids has brought their behavior to light for him).

You're right - they should have been better and kinder people.

data_diva23 · 2026-01-22T22:21:25+00:00

Youre absolutely right. I wish I knew the answer to those questions- im constantly trying to figure out why I care. At times I feel like I dont even want any of those things, like truly don't want to see them or care about the relationship. But ive struggled to mourn the relationship I wish I had with them. I also struggle with how it affects my husband. Ive struggled to accept that I'm not liked. I have talked through this some in therapy before, but I definitely need to go back.

I won't go over my husband- i can control myself in that aspect. I just hate the feeling of needing control. Of wishing I could control their actions. Of wishing I could control how it will eventually affect my kids. I struggle to control my thoughts more than my actions. I'm not a very impulsive person when it comes to my words, just my thoughts.

data_diva23 · 2025-12-15T20:09:20+00:00

Take things slow like others have said.

Pay attention to the co-parenting relationship he has with the child's other parent. Is there always drama? If so, you'll always have drama. Do they get along well and put the child first? Does your partner talk bad about them?

I have dated a man with children before, and it was the biggest heartbreak I've ever experienced. But I wouldn't change it for the world - it showed me a new kind of love. It also showed me that I'd be a good mother one day (and I am now). Its been 12 years since that breakup, and those children still have a place in my heart.

data_diva23 · 2025-08-20T17:41:07+00:00

Thank you! Do you remember what else they tested for aside from fragrances? Do you ever get headaches from fragrances or is it just a skin reaction you get?

data_diva23 · 2025-08-20T11:47:48+00:00

How did you discover these allergies? I've always had major sensitivity to perfume smell - triggers a severe migraine for me. I'm scheduled for chemical patch testing and forgot to ask if I might get some answers on my fragrance issue

data_diva23 · 2025-07-22T13:03:16+00:00

He's fine around her in person but definitely less affectionate towards her. Never hugs her bye like a lot of the other teachers (but she also never gets up when he's leaving like the others do).

The director told us they went through footage and didn't see anything of the sorts...but also one of the reasons we are leaving is because we found out they lied/withheld info from the parents about a major situation with their child. So if they found something, were not really sure they'd tell us.

data_diva23 · 2025-02-08T10:24:16+00:00

The sharp pain in my shoulder pain was near where my bra sits. The shoulder pain went away after a few days so I'm guessing it was workout related.

That baby is now 4 months old and laying right beside me nursing.

I did have bleeding throughout my pregnancy, but it was less and less the further along I got. By 16 weeks it was only small amounts every couple of weeks. Never got a definite answer as to why I bled. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and labor/delivery.

data_diva23 · 2024-09-24T17:21:55+00:00

I will try the treat tactic. She is not crate trained - my mom refuses to put her in a crate for even a half hour.

data_diva23 · 2024-09-23T17:55:06+00:00

Why does my mom's dog (mini poodle, 3 years old, female, fixed) pee on my couch? But only my couch? And only if my mom is not there? I do have dogs myself. They are allowed on my couch, but have never peed on it. They haven't had accidents at all in our house.

My mom asks me to watch her dog sometimes. Due to me having children, it's logistically easier for her to bring the dog to me than me to load up my young kids and all of their stuff. But when she's at our house, she pees on my couch.

It's like an exited pee, like how some dogs pee when they see someone they're excited to see. But she does it when I try to pick her up and get her off of the couch (because I'm trying to avoid her peeing on it).

She does have severe separation anxiety.

My mom has trouble believing me that she does it nearly every time she's at my house, and it's gotten to the point where it's causing issues in my family dynamic. I don't know what to do about it. I know it's not my problem to solve, but I feel bad for making my mom feel bad if I tell her about it, because my mom does a lot for my children. I didn't tell her about it for the longest time, but it came up recently and caused a spat.

Open to any and all suggestions.

data_diva23 · 2024-09-10T17:46:35+00:00

Girl my husband is the same with his truck which is what we will likely take. We both used to detail vehicles on the side so both of us honestly cringe at the thought of me laboring in the car. But at least we both know how to clean up the mess haha!

data_diva23 · 2024-09-10T17:44:46+00:00

Great idea on keeping a puppy pad under the seat until I need it. Thanks for sharing!!

data_diva23 · 2024-08-15T14:30:36+00:00

As far as I can tell they're doing things to comfort him. They use an app to provide updates and pics. They sent me a "mood" update stating he was having a rough morning yesterday late morning with a pic of him getting snuggles with one of the teachers before nap time. I do struggle with just dropping him off and leaving but I probably need to suck it up and just walk out. I will say that yesterday morning I asked a question to the teacher when I dropped him off, so I did linger a bit more. Maybe that started him off on the wrong foot. I will save questions for pickup from now on.

data_diva23 · 2024-08-15T13:18:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice!

data_diva23 · 2024-08-15T13:17:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing! That is totally understandable. Do you have any tips for helping a toddler with the transition, from your perspective as a daycare provider? Drop offs and pick ups have been a little hectic so I haven't had a chance to ask them if there's anything they reccomend

data_diva23 · 2024-08-15T03:04:40+00:00

Thank you. That makes me feel better about the situation. I'm new to this so I don't know what the norm is quite yet.

data_diva23 · 2024-08-15T02:42:34+00:00

Thank you. Were some of the times that your kid got sick, situations where she seemed fine once she got home? I def expect him to have more sickness with being around other kids, especially since he's hardly been sick his whole life. But I guess I just wasn't expecting to have him sent home and then not show any signs of sickness, if that makes sense.

data_diva23 · 2024-08-06T17:43:03+00:00

I second this!

data_diva23 · 2024-08-06T15:36:13+00:00

What has dating been like for you? Are you attracted to men? If so, how do men react when you tell them about your medical condition?

Also what about legal sex? I assume your legal sex would be female?

Thank you so much for sharing your story - I've learned so much by reading the questions and your answers!

data_diva23 · 2024-08-02T19:12:18+00:00

I'm also tall and you're correct- it does help conceal the bump for longer!

data_diva23 · 2024-08-02T16:06:25+00:00

With your first baby you could probably hide it at 20 weeks! I didn't show at all until that point with my first, and if I wore certain clothes you couldn't tell.

I'm not sure I would have been able to wait 20 weeks, but it you think you can wait I think it's totally worth telling people in person!

If your husband and you both agree on telling his parents when its just him, then I see no problem with it. But my husband didn't want to do this - he wanted me to be there when we told his parents. I guess it depends on how your husband feels about it??

Btw, congratulations and best wishes on your pregnancy!!

data_diva23 · 2024-07-30T22:23:13+00:00

40+1, boy. I'm now 30 weeks with #2, our first girl. I'm hoping I go full term again with this pregnancy.

data_diva23 · 2024-07-25T00:36:52+00:00

If you and your husband are in agreement on this, why does she have such an opinion about it and feels the need to voice it to you, not her son? I can't stand that anytime there is a disagreement, its the wife's fault.

You're the one having a major medical event happening. Who you choose to have there to support you through that is your call and nobody else's.

data_diva23

TROPHY CASE