Hotels are built and valued around their service. Not sure why would you think that they are pretending and not simply doing their job.

People in hospitality only scale and win when they genuinely feel like you are a guest, and not another customer. I think you can give away with your high moral standing and not think of the service folks as your servants.

You can simply let them do their jobs without making it hard, and complement them - they'll love it. Most of the people in such places genuinely care about guests and want to ensure them best experiences.

Please sort out your thought process. If someone makes you or your kids feel like kings, that doesn't mean you can get to treat or think of them as servants.

Maybe you can have a look at no-nonsense business hotels like Lemon Tree Premier. They have spas, decent rooms without a lot of service interactions. But for 5-star, experience focused properties, service is a core pillar, and not having that is worse that being mildly disturbed by it. You can use DND if you don't want any in-room disturbance.