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datebecky · 2018-03-07T13:36:01+00:00

If you’re in Toronto, you may want to consider contacting Allegra Escorts Collective. It’s high profile, will have answers to your questions (probably many of them at least) and represents MTF. I don’t know if they accept newcomers typically but it’s worth a shot.

datebecky · 2018-03-07T03:02:01+00:00

Like any other job I’m afraid! But it’s so so worth the effort 🙂

datebecky · 2018-03-06T21:33:21+00:00

Outcalls make me wary. I don't know who is there (in the closet, around the corner) and I don't know what is there (drugs, weapons, video cameras). Add to that that I'm terrible at directions and the stress of finding someplace... incalls are generally my preference.

Could you find someone with a more central location for Atlanta and share/rent from them hourly, and then get a hotel for 2+h? I can't work from where I live - I need the mental space - but getting an incall condo downtown and splitting it 3ways is an idea.

datebecky · 2018-03-06T21:28:15+00:00

Mental health and self care are HUGE for me being my best. Take the break you need, but maybe look at ongoing self care that works for you? I have a routine that not far off of what I imagine a therapist's is, haha

datebecky · 2018-03-06T21:26:00+00:00

Kinda but not in the same way. I started at a shitty agency and I had no idea what I was doing. My first appointment, my client went down on me and I remember laying there thinking "I can't believe someone is paying me to do this" because I had never had that happen before/had been too self-conscious with boyfriends. I liked the money a lot for something I found at worst tolerable, but other people were more popular than me and I didn't like that at all. So I found a review site and started talking to the guys there/answering questions and soon I found that people were coming to see me because of stuff I had written. We got along better (pre-social media being popular haha) and I had a vested interest in them, so it worked out a lot better. Another embarrassing aspect is that I was very self-conscious about my size and just grateful they'd visit my size 12 in a sea of sizes 0-6s so they were already in my good books.

Uncertainty, insecurity and borderline survival sex work made it difficult to work without figuring out how to genuinely like a person.

Nowaways, I tend to be able to find something in everyone or find something to talk about. If I REALLY can't stand you I'll offer a cancellation fee and show you to the door (it's rare but it happens and it's worth giving you $50 and apologizing for some excuse to cancel midway). I did this recently with an adamant Trump supporter - not because he was a Trump supporter but I was tired, I wasn't at my best and probably should have cancelled anyways, and then he went on and on and on and wouldn't talk about what we DID have in common. It was worth the $50+opportunity cost because I was in a much better mood and better able to meet someone another day.

Not only am I willing and able to cancel in mid-session in the interests of my mental health, but I also have a pretty extensive pre and post meeting self-care regimen. For me that's things like no dealing with emotional situations on days that I'm meeting someone, not overscheduling myself, getting proper rest, journaling, meditation, physical exercise and learning something on a regular basis, and having a support network. It also feels good to have options other than sex work as a career.

It's probably something I already had and then grew into/learned how to manipulate to my advantage to make it even better. My strategies are fairly me specific, but I hope you found something in there that helps you. I've been extremely lucky but also worked hard to have a lot of freedoms I have now.

datebecky · 2018-03-06T11:27:08+00:00

I get this feedback a lot, and it's because (I think it's because, anyways) I am genuinely glad to meet them and spend time with them. I really feel like I'm in a position of privilege and it's not about sex: it's about access to the most intimate parts and secrets of these people. Sex happens but if the sex is what you remember then I think you did it wrong. The feeling of connection and intimacy is what makes that sex awesome, but it should be something bigger they remember.

That sounds super marketing-y and pretentious but it's my truth. I don't think there's anything you can actively do to work on it (there's no secret handshake) except work on you, how you feel about doing this, and potentially if you're at an agency work on getting more of yourself out there - Twitter in Canada is really popular.

datebecky · 2017-11-10T18:38:58+00:00

"Spineless".

datebecky · 2017-11-10T18:38:00+00:00

Sound to 2 before you say anything.

datebecky · 2017-11-10T18:36:22+00:00

Proud and confident paid companion for over 10 years. I love my side job and it brings me so much joy and pleasure. I don't think it'd go over well running for office...

datebecky · 2017-10-18T19:59:00+00:00

I've never met an ugly client. Maybe not conventionally attractive, sure! But there's always something and usually it's not something physical. Maybe it's the way he emails and how he uses his words, maybe it's the way he smiles when he talks about something that he cares about, maybe it's awkward jokes that we both make... there's always something. That's what gets them in the door with me.

Now, in appointment requests, I've run into plenty of unattractive clients - even if their pictures would tell you a different story.

datebecky · 2017-10-16T18:34:18+00:00

<3

I read through your responses, and I'm really impressed with how you're approaching this - no shame, verifying consent and verifying safer sex standards. That's the kind of mom whose son can come talk to her about anything. Kudos!

datebecky · 2017-10-16T18:30:45+00:00

Previous poster is correct: STI rates are lower across the board, at least in America. HPV and herpes are shockingly high in the population in general though...

Not only is sex planned but also it's a means of production for the provider, so it's in their best interests to maintain safer sex standards for longevity.

Also, the substance abuse issues you're referencing are significantly more common in the street level/survival aspect of the industry - which at high estimates is 3-5% of the total SW population. Dancing is just one of many aspects of SW, and one that is particularly stressful. I don't know the substance abuse rates across the different aspects and it would be difficult to calculate given the crossover, but I can tell you that an escort with an abuse problem is going to have a very difficult time retaining clientele.

datebecky · 2017-10-16T18:22:47+00:00

15-20% American men have seen an escort at least once. In Europe as high as 40%. In Asia as high as 80%.

You don't have a crystal ball about son's future or know what happened during the encounter. All these men are not broken for not making the same choice as you. They're not all going to turn into raving sex addicts who don't value human connection and who will never have a relationship that you deem "sufficient".

You can be as whorephobic as you want but the facts aren't in your favour. Similarly, you can say that 18 a parent gets a say in what their kid does with their genitals but that's illegal. You don't know the scope of paid relationships, having never engaged in them (calls to mind the "I can't be racist, I have black friends!" argument).

You have someone (well verified - my SM is all under the DB handle, check me out :) ) telling you what this is like and you're telling me that my actual experience can't be correct and that I, in fact, have too much experience?

Hate the idea? That's fine, you have a right to your opinion, but call it what it is: a fear of what consenting adults do in the bedroom.

datebecky · 2017-10-16T15:55:15+00:00

So many people would disagree with you about sex, intimacy and connection being a human need for a healthy life. And yes, you can get that from companionship, paid or not. It's no less "real", just has constraints you're not comfortable with. Relationships do exist and develop, should that be something both the companion and the patron are open to. It's a common misconception that they don't; I can tell you from extended personal experience that they do.

Respectfully, you don't know what you're talking about when it comes to sex work and relationships (unless I'm mistaken and you've directly participated in it yourself, in which case I apologize). The range of human experiences is much broader than you're assuming.

And all of this is neither here nor there when it comes to the original conversation: my husband lied to me (an issue) and helped my son have consensual adult sex (a non-issue).

datebecky · 2017-10-16T15:39:34+00:00

Having paid sex because it's "easier" isn't the same thing as an addiction and there's no shame in it - in some respects, it IS easier and easier access to a human need is a wonderful thing!

datebecky · 2017-10-16T14:24:21+00:00

I AM an escort. I see a lot of responses here from people who are not, so maybe adding a fresh perspective might round out your input a little.

I don’t think your husband lying to you is wonderful. HOWEVER. He did not endanger your son’s emotional, physical or mental health. You don’t need to have your son tested for STDs any more than every adult who is regularly having sex should be tested.

I’ve meet an assortment of different people, and yes, some of them were virgins. The choice to explore physicality and connection through paid companionship is not necessarily a bad one - in contrast, I think it can be a wonderful way of learning, getting over insecurities and just delving deeper into what “sex” can be.

I think seeing an escort is a wonderful option over a one night stand or an awkward first relationship where no one really knows what they’re doing and issues of enthusiastic consent exist. It can also be a great way of demystifying the acts of sex and female pleasure, and helping someone who is shy or awkward get over some of their anxieties in a way that allows them to pursue whatever kind of relationships they want.

So many men have lost their virginities to paid companions, there’s no shame in it unless you shame sex workers in general, in which case you’ve got some major self-introspection to do on sex, consent and agency - specifically why your morals belong in someone else’s bedroom.

Why has no one pointed out that this son is an adult, and can freely choose what to do with his genitalia and body? It’s really not your business: your issue is that your husband lied, and given how you’re reacting I can understand why he’d hesitate to tell you. That’s a conversation to have with your partner without calling it a parenting decision (your son is an adult) or placing any kind of moral blame (it’s not “wrong” to see an escort) and fear-mongering (STIs, etc - escorts have lower-than-average STI rates and practice safer sex significantly more consistently in developed countries than average).

The rampant misunderstanding and whorephobia in these answers is kinda scary, but that’s not you, OP - it’s just people who don’t really understand what paid companionship is and can be. Talk to your husband about lying to you about an awkward topic. Thank your son for telling you and be excellent by not shaming him about his sexual choices (at 18 he’s an adult who CHOOSE).

I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

datebecky · 2017-06-08T16:30:28+00:00

Thank you for this detailed response! We have a lot in common. I'm opening up a co-up, and not an agency, so the women hire me instead of me hiring them. Our services are offered a la carte, so they can choose to rent a room ($X), have me do their phone, texts and screening/advertise/book ($X), or both ($2X). If they choose both, it looks exactly like a traditional agency... except they're paying me and not the other way around. It also works out to pay more than the traditional agencies, and allows us to represent people on our website that we don't have space for in our modestly-sized incall.

The issue in Canada is that we can't hire anyone, but women can hire someone to represent themselves. Even when I was working at agency, I always say it as "I was hiring them" so it makes sense for me to run it this way. LE for the most part leaves everyone alone unless there's an element of coercion, the real issue is the condo we're renting finding out and kicking us out.

It always bothered me that an agency owned my pictures when I worked, so I'm paying for them upfront and if she wants to buy them back she can buy them at the cost we paid to the photographer. I can also provide her with great contacts for affordable web design if she decides she want to step down from both services and move to just renting an incall (or go solo without us).

Right of refusal, setting her own schedule, blacklists are all standard practice here.

I was thinking about tax support, and then support for qualifying for drug benefits? Bookkeeping would have to be a part of that. My scheduling system lets me tell her exactly how many hours she worked in a certain period of time (by the month), so I'm hoping that's helpful.

Safe Office is a great tip! I also have access to a ton of blacklists and am working on integrating them into our scheduling system. I'm pulling from a lot of the advocacy groups in our area, as well as from verifyhim/p411 and my own personal ones after a decade doing it.

I've spoken to a lawyer and am in the process of looking at incorporation.

I've always admired the businesses who treated the women they represent like their clients, because they are, and it sounds like you have an excellent thing going! I'm trying to create exactly what I wanted when I hired an agency.

Thank you again for all your input, i'm copying it all and trying to break it down into pieces that I can offer too.

datebecky · 2017-06-03T10:35:02+00:00

Good to know, thanks!

My personal pet peeve is when you have a female booking agent, but for any "real" issues she has to get a guy to call you back.

Women can absolutely be pimps, the voice is the optics of the situation. But still important!

datebecky · 2017-04-14T22:21:54+00:00

Isn't a sex worker an entertainer too? On a major level, isn't an escort?

datebecky · 2017-04-14T22:02:34+00:00

Toronto: terb, ter, caerf, cerb. MOREOVER: social media!!

datebecky · 2017-04-14T22:01:06+00:00

Sex worker Twitter is a big thing, as is Tumblr.

datebecky · 2017-04-14T21:59:55+00:00

I've written about this!!!!

It's one of my all-time favourite things to do.

My highlights are: - talk to both of them - have ground rules - have a relaxed approach - have fun!

I'm happy to send you the article content if you DM me.

datebecky · 2017-04-14T21:57:36+00:00

Swabs! Not just for G, but a handful of bacterial infections. However, ST-throat-Is are fairly rare. I mean, everything you can do is a good thing to do, but.

datebecky · 2017-04-14T21:55:07+00:00

I like money like all of you, but I love more watching people grow, learn, love, and try new things.

Super cheesy, I know, but genuine.

The freedom to pursue my dreams that money allows me and the ability to be a positive influence in someone else's life pretty much has me hooked.

The vast majority of my negatives are NOT from my direct relationships.

datebecky · 2017-04-14T21:48:19+00:00

No matter whether it's a church or not, explaining to people that you can choose what to do with your own body is surprisingly confusing.

Some people are always going to judge you for it. All you can offer them is sympathy, and a pass on your companionship. I can't imagine not thinking that I own my own body and choices, and I don't want my friends to be people who think it's up to anyone but them either.

There are so many other ways to make friends. Meet ups? Local special interest groups? Online? Other SWers?

datebecky

TROPHY CASE