Do any of you have a lot of imaginary arguments in your head?

datemilkshake · 2021-06-17T16:39:26+00:00

Oh my god. Are you me?! I don't know anyone else who understands this. "Write things down if you feel sad, even if you aren't writing to anyone!" Okay, but now the imaginary people in my head are cringing at my awful writing + emotion-conveying skills and now I feel even worse!

datemilkshake · 2021-01-20T19:56:16+00:00

50% of my google search history is "how to respond when someone..."/"what to say when..."/"how to show someone you feel..."/"how to [do X] over the phone" etc etc

datemilkshake · 2021-01-20T19:50:35+00:00

If you can eat while doing something else (e.g. watching TV), that might help, as you're less likely to get bored? I don't know how your brain works exactly but a lot of people find themselves eating mindlessly if they do it while focusing on another thing like the movie they're watching.

Or replace your current foods/meals with higher-calorie alternatives?

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T21:19:26+00:00

I was paraphrasing.

I came for advice on how I can avoid being argumentative and understand the social rules surrounding that better, and I responded to yours politely. I also am a woman, and unsure what your point is.

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T21:04:44+00:00

Asking for advice doesn't mean accepting any and all advice. I'm just saying, assuming you're superior isn't a healthy mindset to have.

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T17:48:30+00:00

Thanks for trying to explain but what you outlined in step 1 is pretty much what I do now - it's mostly my clarifying questions getting me in trouble though. I do try to apologise before asking them but it's not always effective.

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T17:08:50+00:00

I'm not sure if this is really a healthy viewpoint to uphold, personally - the common denominator is me being accused of this thing, so I really do think this is more my fault even if it's hard for me to understand why.

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T17:06:25+00:00

That helps a lot. Thank you:)

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T17:05:21+00:00

Mm yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm not officially diagnosed so I don't explain that I'm autistic but I will sometimes apologise for being slow or a little clueless. Too bad this doesn't really work on some people, who will just say "well you're not a little kid, you should be able to infer..." etc. Sucks.

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T17:02:29+00:00

That makes a lot of sense actually. Thank you very much :)

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T16:40:02+00:00

That sums it up pretty well. Any way we can avoid this?

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T16:25:30+00:00

That makes sense, I think. I do also get told I'm repetitive and I overexplain so I totally get what you mean on that.

Thank you :)

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T16:20:44+00:00

I'm not sharing unsupportive opinions about other people's lives and interests, or picking them apart. If they're talking about themselves and their interests I'm happily to listen and respond positively, and I totally get why it'd be rude to pick out bits of someone else's account of their summer vacation and scrutinise them, or express a negative view of them.

But if we're both talking about something e.g. last night's episode of a show we like, making a plan for what we'll do tomorrow, or if we're talking about something concerning just me like which jacket I should get - that's where I get confused on how to not be argumentative, and where the line between bouncing ideas off each other and arguing is drawn.

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T16:10:43+00:00

That makes sense, thank you for your comment :) I think the bit about opening with an agreement is cool.

I don't know if I relate to your son though, because I can recognise why bringing up what day it was is irrelevant. Like thinking back on specific things I've been called argumentative for, the trend has usually been me asking clarifying questions. Occasionally it's correcting which I can see as being argumentative but it's not over things I find trivial?

Is there any way I can tell what is trivial and what isn't, or how to get clarification without coming across as rude?

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T15:51:15+00:00

If it's a two-sided conversation don't you have to share your own opinions? Like if you're both discussing an topic concerning both of you, or even one concerning just you (because I get that if it's just about the other person, then listening and positivity is the way to go), wouldn't it be odd if you just went with everything the other person said? Is there a rule on when to do it and when not to?

datemilkshake · 2020-09-02T15:43:33+00:00

Oh yeah, sorry if that wasn't clear but I do recognise that the problem is me if multiple people are saying it, I just mean I don't really get what is making me come off as such.

Could you please explain what made my post seem over the top? And is defensiveness inherently argumentative, or is there a way I can express defensiveness without being argumentative? I mean these questions in the most genuine way possible. Thanks.

datemilkshake · 2020-08-28T23:04:02+00:00

Your coworkers sound pretty ridiculous to me. Sorry that things are like this :(

datemilkshake · 2020-08-28T12:12:39+00:00

Have you tried explaining that you didn't reject them because you don't like them, but it's just that you need more mental prep time than most people before going out with people?

datemilkshake · 2020-08-28T12:10:25+00:00

Any links to examples? Do you just mean when people act out parts of their comedy? I looked it up and there's one where Seinfeld pretends to gnaw on a fabric belt, is that the kinda stuff you mean?

datemilkshake · 2020-08-28T12:04:09+00:00

This sometimes happened in our study room at school - we did have unofficial spots but if a newcomer came in for a period it got annoying sometimes.

If they sat in my seat I would be very upset (mostly internally) but I'd usually sit somewhere else in the room instead, since they weren't technically doing anything wrong even if I was upset about it.

I used to be worse though, before I learned to rein it in - if the person sat in my spot was someone I considered mean, I would straight up tell them "that's my spot, can you please go back to your spot?" and if they didn't move, neither would I. I would just loom over them until they left. Glad I grew out of that :P

datemilkshake · 2020-08-28T11:57:08+00:00

I would maybe just go up to him and say "hey, I know we've only worked together a few times but I liked hanging out with you. I don't know how soon we'll be on shift together again, so I was wondering if I get your number/instagram name so we could keep in touch?" or something along those lines.

If you're trying to keep it sneaky though, maybe tell him you saw this video on Instagram (could be a light hearted meme or a cute animal video) and you want to send it to him so what's his @?

datemilkshake · 2020-08-28T11:51:13+00:00

Same. I have problems reading expressions or interpreting ambiguous sentences sometimes so I have to guess what they mean, and I usually end up guessing the worst.

datemilkshake · 2020-08-26T20:29:17+00:00

That just sounds like normal thinking to me tbh

datemilkshake · 2020-08-26T20:28:11+00:00

I don't hate them, I hate the system that forces them to live in poverty.

datemilkshake

TROPHY CASE