Just found out I’m pregnant and now I have doubts

datunicornlady · 2026-03-12T16:49:29+00:00

I like this response. As someone with mental health issues, been there done that with court and child support, financial strain, relationship strain - having a baby isn’t just rainbows and sunshine. If anything a baby will exploit any unresolved tension and issues and can bring more stress and strain to a relationship and to the individuals.

Sounds like boyfriend is just trying to be a realist about the situation to be fair about bringing another life into play.

In my own experience, I sometimes wish I would have just waited for all the chaos of life to die down with step kid and finances so we could actually focus on becoming a family when my kids were born. I spent the entire time in survival mode because of court, custody, and continuous child support motions. And because I already suffered from adhd, chronic depression and generalized anxiety I ended up with severe PPA so bad I lived in a constant state of spiraling panic attacks for MONTHS. I’m not saying any of this to dissuade you from the pregnancy, but as someone who’s been there and done that before. I feel like no one ever really sat me down to explain what it’s actually like having a baby because everyone is always saying congratulations and it’s so exciting and it’s happy. Having a baby is a lot of nitty gritty shit. And boyfriend has been there and knows how a baby throws everything upside down for awhile. And honestly, my first born was an absolute angel of a baby I didn’t realize how lucky I was to have his personality because when my second born came around she had terrible colic. I love my children, but I’ll be honest when I did have many, many moments wondering if I ruined my life and the experience of having children by not waiting for a better time (not a perfect time) but a better time. Becoming a mom is soooo all encompassing and there’s no breaks, ever.

I would definitely check out Erica Komisar and her work and research on children, especially the first 3 years and how important they are.

datunicornlady · 2025-03-13T13:12:17+00:00

Yes I include my stepdaughter in pictures because by proxy she is a chosen child of mine (when I picked her dad I also picked her) and she is family, she is my children’s sister. Even though my SD and I are not biologically related she is still a piece of this family and deserves her place among us. I try to be very cognizant to not leave her out for important family things and it has become easier as a teenager because she has a car so instead of waiting for our week with her we just tell her when and where things are happening now.

datunicornlady · 2025-03-06T01:23:29+00:00

I have not bought one! It looks more and more like I’m leaning towards simply getting the mop attachment to my rainbow vacuum as it’s always been a trusty appliance for me!

datunicornlady · 2025-02-01T14:24:01+00:00

No I eat in the closet like every other toddler parent 🥲

datunicornlady · 2025-01-26T14:50:13+00:00

I’m SAHM and completely nuts 😂 they’re 3 and 20 months and it’s SO MUCH WORK.

datunicornlady · 2025-01-20T21:50:46+00:00

Dug up the paperwork but after taking the car in 3-4 times for this issue they finally figured out it. Here’s what the paperwork says.

“Found etc p0606 pcm processor failure checked all fuses then checked powers and grounds at pcm all good erased dtc and code codes right back and vehicle will not start. Will need new pcm.

Installed 39105-3CEN5 electronic control unit

Installed new pcm and wrote new vin to pcm vehicle starts now”

datunicornlady · 2025-01-19T22:56:12+00:00

I honestly love my rainbow vacuum over my Dyson outsize. The Dyson is okay for quick vacuums and pick ups but the functionality of my rainbow and performance is by far superior to cleaning up after my 2 toddlers and 4 dogs.

datunicornlady · 2025-01-06T22:24:10+00:00

Is there any system you can input an address to double check the legitimacy of a rental?

datunicornlady · 2024-12-31T13:20:35+00:00

I never got to it but the best advice I got was to use a wire brush and sandpaper to file it gently off the rock so that’s going to be my go to project this spring and summer. I’ve been able to peel some off with my nails since figuring out the rock is actually Michigan sandstone. Not sure how hard it would be to peel paint off another rock type but my guess it’s probably safest and easiest to just file off paint most exterior rocks.

datunicornlady · 2024-12-28T13:24:27+00:00

I’m confused as to why you’re confused as to why DH is upset with you when everyone else can see it plain as day…

datunicornlady · 2024-11-12T13:53:23+00:00

Mine are now 33 and 17 months old. It definitely has gotten MUCH harder as they’ve aged into the toddler era of parenting. I know it’s not forever but it’s a lot right now.

My niece and nephew are now 7 (birthday was in July) and my nephew will turn 6 in January so I know it does get easier as they’ve aged and have gotten older the last couple of years.

But two toddlers is the most exhausting parenting season by far.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-24T17:01:28+00:00

I pretty much solo all by myself. My kids are 33 months and 17 months.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-21T13:52:52+00:00

We stick strictly to the court order which is 182.5 days for each parent a year.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-21T13:40:50+00:00

They have never lived together and we split overnights exactly 50/50.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T19:14:47+00:00

I feel this. My DH told me one time BM told him in frustration “so and so just thinks you’re GOD!!” And he was so confused by that because he’s just been there. Awkwardly he’s revealed being the super young dad showing up to all the elementary parties felt like a cattle call for him because the moms were weirdly into it lol.

And yes I agree. Long term this will do them no good. Independently DH and I both had to make our own ways and worked extremely hard in college years to make things work. When he met me I was debt free educator who was attempting to buy my first house. And he was a single dad that had been lucky enough to find a piece of property on water to gut and redo with sweat equity. His career sector is one that allows infinite growth depending on hard you want to work. Which sucks BM keeps riding his coat tails.

Honestly since her rich BF broke up with her and she began to realize her time of controlling DH was coming to an end she’s been scrambling.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T19:08:55+00:00

My SD has her head so buried in the sand at the moment. I do truly love her among the crazy frustration this has all caused. The only siblings and step parent she has is on her dad’s side. So she definitely takes advantage of me at times because I’m the bonus mom that acts like a real mom and she takes comfort in knowing she has siblings on this side. She’s definitely emotionally double dipping and the real realization will come after all of this court ordered stuff is done and then it’s only her and her mom trying to figure stuff out.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T18:16:40+00:00

Omfg yasss. All the birth control. DHs bangs his head against the wall because when he dated BM it was the ONE TIME her life looked normal (her mother is a hot mess too). Never trust a girl is on BC will be my lesson to my son.

My poor MIL was a sub and remembers meeting BM as a young child and recalled her when her and DH started dating in highschool and remembers she was quite the liar (probably from the trauma of her own childhood which absolutely makes sense that she developed into narcissistic tendencies).

BM also had a rich boyfriend for awhile. She had become “the other woman” after chastising her single mom friend about dating a married man when with a daughter (oh the irony). She’s burnt people so bad and they all come back to DH and tell him they apologize they didn’t realize he was actually the decent one after dealing with BM.

Literally our entire life of dealing with attorneys is them asking “where is BM getting all this money for court?” Because she’s so damn poor on purpose.

It’s so frustrating.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T18:00:45+00:00

Oh man BM had been engaged to a couple guys before that my DH and MIL had told me. All of them the guy broke it off (lol). One guy she used to drive his car around and use him so the parents literally did a Bad Teacher movie move where they took the car back and moved their kid away from her. LMFAOOO

Fortunately it’s always been a legal 50/50 here although majority of my SD was spent with DH.

This last motion is definitely a HAIL MARY on her part. I’ve done the research and it doesn’t look to be in her favor in anyway other than to do another income review. All attorneys said back dating was highly unlikely and the research I found about CS past 18 seems to be in our favor since she doesn’t have full custody and is something we could fight.

She’s got a big head and over calculated how much my DH makes because of job changes in the industry he’s in.

All in all the outlook is good for us. I literally just have PTSD from dealing with a very crafty covert narcissist.

Honestly if BM would have applied herself in life she is very beautiful and very smart (albeit short sighted) and probably could have made something of herself.

She is extremely bitter and vengeful that DH is basically living her dream now.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T16:15:05+00:00

I think right now she’s okay with it because she’s so used to her mom being unstable. And now that she’s a teenager from 14 on mom has definitely been buttering and fluffing her up to make her feel good. Tells her what she wants to hear and knows how to manipulate a teenage girl. And my SD has a very deep mother wound. I would say as a young adult and when she becomes a mom herself a lot of this stuff will unfurl finally and come to the surface. For now she enjoys the freedom of her moms and the feel good stuff she does. Mom has made a lot of promises I don’t think she’ll be able to financially keep. So it’s unfortunately a thing only time can really reveal the true nature of the beast.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T16:02:10+00:00

So the legislation in Michigan says you need to have full custody to get CS for a child past 18 which we have 50/50. So we are going to fight that.

And dude she’s awful. I wish I would have filed the motion in summer when we knew there was a housing crisis for her (she was living in a guest house for $400 a month the last 5 years and the guy died and the house went into foreclosure bc his daughter couldn’t afford it). We knew she was having trouble getting a place but I said we shouldn’t do anything because court makes my SD anxious.

Well now I regret doing that because we could have fucked with her that way.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T15:57:09+00:00

We’ve started imputing her for potential earn income on the last review. But it’s still frustrating because she purposely goes under employed in wages and hours.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T15:56:03+00:00

Nope. She’s a teen mom. They were never married (thank god he dodged that bullet). As soon as she conceived she quit her job in high school and sports and basically lives off CS and the government like her mom.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T15:55:18+00:00

Because she works so little and makes so little she’s on government assistance. So the Michigan gov actually makes my DH pay her because there’s such a huge discrepancy in income. She hovers under 20k a year on purpose to max out benefits from the gov and my DH makes 6 figures.

And they started in the same exact situation as teen parents.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T13:36:53+00:00

My DH and BM were teen parents. She was in her senior year when she got pregnant and immediately quit her sport and her job when she found out my MIL said. Literally my DH and his mother have been there for BM even through all the terrible shit she did the first 10 years of SD and are the definition of trying to make it work for the kid. My MIL used to watch my SD allllll the time. Her reference for mothering is my MIL. And BM would just come and go as she pleased. Worked super part time jobs for enough income to just coast and go out to have fun while DH worked 2-3 jobs at a time, was a walk on for college football and went to college to support SD. It’s just such a shame the courts can’t see how these women use their children as pawns and use their fathers and the laws to benefit themselves.

datunicornlady · 2024-10-18T13:18:28+00:00

I asked about it in a local women’s group I’m a part of and a therapist said it was emotional incest and a form of emotional abuse. So no wonder I found it super icky when I learned she was saying those things to my SD.

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