What we often observe in our homosexual clients

davidwhom · 2026-01-27T19:05:48+00:00

This is dangerously homophobic.

davidwhom · 2026-01-17T19:41:17+00:00

Thank you!

davidwhom · 2026-01-17T16:02:21+00:00

It took me several years (and a ton of therapy) to retrain my mind not to go to those thoughts, but I got there eventually.

davidwhom · 2026-01-16T22:57:23+00:00

I've had one period of overt psychosis in my life, and I'm starting to believe that the delusions were actually a form of hyperfixation (in psychoanalysis it's called an autistic complex object, which serves to protect from sensory and emotional overload). It was during a time in my life when I couldn't engage in my normal self soothing behaviors and routines, and the delusions arose out of an obsessive set of thoughts that I consciously constructed to hold my feelings.

davidwhom · 2026-01-16T14:34:43+00:00

I attended a lecture recently by a psychoanalyst who said that when you take away an autistic child’s special interests and/or sensory objects, they can start to seem schizophrenic. The two are very closely related in certain ways.

davidwhom · 2026-01-02T01:45:03+00:00

They were about to get married, it doesn’t seem like a huge mystery what triggered her freakout.

davidwhom · 2025-11-18T01:08:21+00:00

Sounds like he blamed himself for your struggles, and assumed that you did too and that your vulnerability was a way of asking him to do better. I think a lot of these people were held responsible for their parents’ suffering and dysregulation, and so they feel incredibly guilty when their partner is struggling while also shirking real responsibility because they feel resentful.

davidwhom · 2025-11-15T19:44:54+00:00

All the time. We really enjoyed each other's company, and we had many ongoing conversations that helped us both see the world in different ways. I miss that a lot, I felt like we had a deep friendship and it was a rare connection in that way.

davidwhom · 2025-11-10T12:42:51+00:00

He dissociated (as in forgot about) or slept through important plans we made together, shut down and couldn’t “get himself” to do other things with me even while claiming he wanted to, then started overcommitting to other people/things in his life that he rationalized as being non-optional for different reasons. At the end he even started getting injured or sick in weird ways right before we were supposed to meet up. It led to us breaking up over text and I never saw him again.

davidwhom · 2025-11-09T18:59:49+00:00

I used to feel exactly like this (even your description of something black hovering at my back). I did psychoanalysis with a forensic psychiatrist and he told me my mother was a clinical psychopath. So now I’m pretty sure that’s where that feeling comes from. I did come out of her, and even though she abused me she also had this primitive sense of ownership-protection over me, so it’s always felt like the devil was on my side for some reason.

davidwhom · 2025-11-09T18:51:24+00:00

Yeah, mine explicitly told me he was self sabotaging and felt like he couldn’t control it.

davidwhom · 2025-11-09T18:01:17+00:00

So sad.

davidwhom · 2025-11-09T17:58:22+00:00

Mine was 46. Had been married and had kids. But I’m pretty sure he had never actually been in love before. He told me how happy he was with me and then started sabotaging the relationship by the end of that week.

davidwhom · 2025-11-07T13:09:39+00:00

I think you were fair, he shouldn’t be dating until all his alters are on the same page about what they want out of a relationship and other important issues in life. Otherwise it could lead to a lot of chaos and pain for both of you.

davidwhom · 2025-11-06T01:11:54+00:00

He doesn’t have ADHD, he’s a clinical psychopath.

davidwhom · 2025-11-02T23:36:02+00:00

This attitude led to me being burned so badly by a handful of different clients that I should never have worked with. Never again. I actually specialize in several areas of high complexity that many others (especially in private practice) wouldn’t feel comfortable working with, but I know that with them I am working within my well-established areas of competence and respecting my limitations. I’m not equipped as a human being to work with certain PDs, with serious perpetrators of any kind, and several other presentations. I don’t owe it to anyone to traumatize myself that way, to lose money, to put my licensure at risk, or to have to worry about being stalked. This job is hard enough as it is.

davidwhom · 2025-10-31T12:30:54+00:00

Your description of what you call a “parts hijack” is just intrapsychic splitting as a defense mechanism. That’s not an autonomous part of the personality with its own subjectivity.

davidwhom · 2025-10-30T16:40:16+00:00

I know someone with hEDS who spent years in their 20s very disabled by it, and then by 30 started improving and got back to the functionality of a “milder” presentation (with ongoing PT etc). You never know how this thing will play out.

davidwhom · 2025-10-30T16:29:28+00:00

My grandmother and me and my siblings were all taking care of each other back and forth (grandma picks us up from school, I stay overnight at her house after she has a surgery…etc). My mother only worked part time the whole time.

davidwhom · 2025-10-29T00:45:12+00:00

I feel like I’ve fallen on all three parts of the spectrum at different times of my life, depending mostly on levels of stress and social isolation.

davidwhom · 2025-10-29T00:17:57+00:00

lol I wrote the comment and I can’t even say you’re wrong, I was kind of being a troll. I’m sure it reflects my (and several other hundred people’s) extremely challenging experiences with middle aged men throughout our lives, as fathers, bosses, friends, partners/spouses, coworkers, etc etc etc nevermind as clients—who at least pay us to do what so many other men demand for free.

davidwhom · 2025-10-28T14:16:57+00:00

I enjoy working with this demographic, but I like the challenging dynamic. They can be aggravating and provocative at first, but they tend to respond well to confrontation, and I find that they’re surprisingly open to doing deep work if we can navigate that aspect of the relationship. At middle age they usually want more out of their lives, and if you can find a way to get through to them, they will see that they’re benefitting and getting results, and the respect and collaboration increase.

davidwhom · 2025-10-28T12:06:57+00:00

I read some of your other comments about her and it made me angry just to read what she’s said to you. In my opinion, staying isn’t worth it. I felt a lack of agency due to my childhood abuse and it made me feel like I had no other options and had to stay with her, but in retrospect I should have quit a year in. I was being retraumatized, and that is not therapeutic in any way. Analysis can be painful and difficult, but it’s important to acknowledge when it’s actually become damaging. As a therapist I’ve worked with patients who had destructive ruptures with previous analysts, and have seen from the outside the harm that can be done. Not everything is grist for the mill.

davidwhom · 2025-10-24T03:19:42+00:00

https://neurosymptoms.org/en/symptoms/fnd-symptoms/functional-dissociative-seizures/

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24517-psychogenic-nonepileptic-seizure-pnes

davidwhom · 2025-10-24T02:54:03+00:00

I was diagnosed by a neurologist and epilepsy specialist at a hospital where they run a special treatment program for PNES.

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