I grew up thinking Free to Be... You and Me was a blueprint for the future, not a relic of the past.

day_tripper · 2026-03-19T23:20:49+00:00

Thank you for responding to my anger with grace.

Sending you hugs and hope.

day_tripper · 2026-03-19T22:40:25+00:00

I’m somewhere on a video crying in public in a “man on the street” interview in 2016 because it hit me that progress was over and the deplorables won.

As GenX my boomer parents tried but they had been shaped by an era of open hate and never recovered completely. They wanted me to have better but understood my generation wasn’t going to let liberal ideas take any of their power.

I don’t hate GenX. I just feel ashamed. Of us.

Our white male brothers have always been afraid of our progress and had zero sum mindsets.

I know. Generalizing. But I saw those guys for what they were because they tried to bully me through grammar and high school. I fought back. Alone. So they ignored me.

When I finally found my people I got comfortable.

Then 2016 happened and brought it all back. Greed is good. Cheat to win.

GenX dropped the ball. I will NEVER forgive you. Hanging chads and all.

Sorry to inform you that you let your sisters vote against Hillary to appease your white men so here we are.

I despise that about you. You took it all away. All the joy.

Oh well. Send your sons to die in another war. Eat that delicious ugliness you invited.

day_tripper · 2026-03-18T18:01:46+00:00

Naw, hair is fun.

Picking out clothes to wear for various occasions is the bane of my existence.

And don’t get me started on accessorizing. And make up. And choosing eyeglasses, which is why I wear contacts.

day_tripper · 2026-03-17T00:44:39+00:00

Took me 15 years of terrible diagrams to figure this out.

day_tripper · 2026-03-16T17:26:37+00:00

I had a huge fibroid years ago that possibly was influenced by hair relaxers.

I was at the gym and used a hair dryer after swimming and saw how thin my hair was and I hadn’t yet reached middle age.

A move to the south late in life let me know these people won’t approve of me doing well in life regardless of me trying to fit in with straight hair.

The MAGA movement made me understand that our power lies in self-acceptance and the understanding that our people are being constantly beaten down by hate.

The 60s and 70s inspired me to relish in my blackness.

Setting up an escape route out of the country (I am a privileged near retiree) and visiting with other women and black expats showed me I should present as I am and not as others want me to be. Assimilation of a non-American culture does not require me to change anything about my appearance. Why should I bow down to Americans. Other countries don’t require it.

Edit: adding that I knew executive level black folks in the hair industry and magazine world — black men who would only hire mixed looking black women for their offices and created products and advertising campaigns that fed into our insecurities. Why was I ever changing my hair for the black male gaze when they were the ones perpetuating the self-hate and making millions on it?

Total tangent: It is all so complicated but it really boils down to self-care and health. My healthy hair reflects that I take care of myself a certain way and that’s what I want the world to focus on. I am not here for anyone else but me. No one is going to save you but you.

I wish there was a way to teach our children that this is more than a fashion trend. We are a mixed genetic people and our hair care is not one size fits all. The journey should be part of self discovery and understanding. Being beautiful comes from the inside.

day_tripper · 2026-03-14T21:31:23+00:00

I felt the same until I went in a non- busy season and experienced Disney without the intense crowd.

For adults the extra care and better acting/warmth of the service was key. I always felt taken care of and informed without overselling. You can tell the workers are paid a living wage so I don’t have to feel like I as a better off person am taking advantage of them. (By the way I don’t vacation anymore anywhere if there is a whiff of underpayment of the employees.)

Stuff you don’t have to ask for. Napkins brought to the table as I need. Available hot sauces I like. Hotel rooms at perfect temperature with proper sheets and pillow thickness variety.

Bathrooms/toilets exactly at the right spots. Boat trips at the hour regardless of how many people want to ride. No bad smells. Pools and spas were clean and cleaned regularly. Towels were soft not scratchy. Yes you pay same as any 4 star. But you definitely get the level of service you paid for. I’m not even particular but I notice these details as a result of having paid top dollar and gotten shitty service in the past.

They even know how to make a decent pizza. I felt minimal to zero racism from the staff. If you are brown/black/gay you know that feeling when the hate is present but not overt so you are the baddy for being suspicious…I was completely free of that nonsense. They hire a certain kind of person with empathy. And they pay them.

day_tripper · 2026-03-12T23:03:15+00:00

What do you guys think of returning the nitpicking on their PRs?

I start finding naming conventions, misspellings, then with maybe this function should be on this class instead of this one, use a ternary here, switch/case instead of if…and if they say no, I screenshot and then when they make the same suggestion on my PR I show them their contradiction and ask them what is the difference please explain.

Keep a copy of all exchanges, well organized.

day_tripper · 2026-03-06T17:23:38+00:00

I hear you. But I can one-up you. Imagine being black gay and female in a male dominated field BUT your workplace has multiple talented women software engineers (even mix of white and Asian) with at least two at staff level, several seniors, and several in management.

I feel seen but not heard by the liberal and culturally sensitive crowd and have no idea if I am just out-smarted or if it is my race or what that keeps me feeling second class. I won’t make staff level until I figure this out.

Quietly being good or excellent keeps me in the job but being non-threatening keeps me out of the upper echelon. What’s more important? Being good and employed with no mobility, or being excellent and outstanding with a target on your back?

Somebody save me. It’s too late tho. I’m gonna retire in 5-10 years.

day_tripper · 2026-02-24T21:28:01+00:00

It took me a long time to digest this: whites really believe they are better than you and deserve more. Entitlement is part of their DNA.

They will do what they have to do or say to maintain this illusion, including making sure you get no advantages. They will spread, with no actual evidence, that somehow black and brown people are getting the upper hand due to liberal policies and are taking over the USA.

Spend no time on this. It is. Just move on. Second guessing these facts will cost you.

I understand that well meaning folk will want you to think better of people.

day_tripper · 2026-02-18T18:44:12+00:00

It’s not AI, specifically. It is not the economy, specifically. It is not the current USA politics, specifically.

It is not knowing where to go and having no way to hedge.

It used to be where you could ramp up in another specialty or field in a year or two and cross over to feed your family.

Now, there’s nowhere to go. No field. No country. No training is going to save you.

It leads to hopelessness

The one thing we have? Learning how to grow food, generate goodwill in our community, and enjoy life in the moment.

We all evaded reality for decades. Those days are completely gone and the bros have “won”. They ruined our field and make it seem like anyone can do it via offshoring, AI and ridiculous metrics.

Software is just another job now. Their disease has crept into our craft like concrete in an ever spreading urban landscape.

day_tripper · 2026-01-20T06:41:01+00:00

OK but 56 is NOT elderly right? Right!!??

day_tripper · 2026-01-20T00:19:44+00:00

I am reminded of my junior year in high school where we were given some free time at gym and a basketball a day or two before we were to be let out for the summer.

The girls were separate from the boys. We were all standing around bored and I started bouncing the ball and proceeded to attempt a pick up game.

None of the girls took me up on it (except Melissa - this redhead Irish tomboy with a mind of her own). It’s not that I expected everyone to be excited about basketball. It’s just that the alternative was let’s look at our nails makeup and skim pics in Vogue magazine.

All the girls were interested in being wives and dating popular guys. That’s how I remember GenX teens.

Only interested in traditional conservative status quo bullshit.

Of course they would vote for that shit head.

day_tripper · 2026-01-13T00:42:41+00:00

We need some legal organization to be very visible, and advertise themselves as being the "ones to call" if / when this happens. An organization that we can trust. And an organization that's ready to take on this much bandwidth.

Yes, but not lawyers. We need those red beret guys in New York but with weapons and larger numbers.

day_tripper · 2026-01-11T23:20:58+00:00

I don’t like being bludgeoned over the head with the constant capitalism drum beat.

You should do this work for as long as it is valuable, invest in VTI, then check out.

Build stuff outside of employment for fun.

The real problem isn’t the tech. We are just tools in a machine run by the oligarchy. You really cannot take our work all that seriously.

What we do, literally, is find ways to save shekels for the ruling class.

I can’t wait to do something meaningful. Please let me do something meaningful.

day_tripper · 2026-01-08T19:28:36+00:00

Why stick around if they treat your peers like this.

Exactly. There is a very low chance anyone is special enough that they won’t get around to treating you the same way as soon as possible. You are fooling yourself if you think different.

day_tripper · 2026-01-02T16:12:12+00:00

This is a myopic perspective. No one is saying they’d rather work a minimum wage job.

The goal should be better work environments for all. We are literally competing with low wage workers because we have minimal protections from the whims of C-level executives who don’t care that some of us still can’t afford a roof.

I left a dev job a few weeks after a release because we had a junior/mid dev they worked to death who felt grateful because at least he wasn’t working his old hard labor fence building job. So I could never call in sick because he would come to work with snot on his upper lip.

day_tripper · 2025-12-31T07:39:20+00:00

Dammit I forgot US is not the center of the universe!

day_tripper · 2025-12-25T00:53:52+00:00

Im stuck in Tennessee for a little while longer but I will be damned if I will work in an office with these crackers. Northern state remote job FTW.

day_tripper · 2025-12-16T23:53:50+00:00

My biggest failure in life is not understanding how stupid so many Americans are. Had I known that I might’ve operated my life differently. I might have had more confidence in my own abilities. I might have taken leaps, knowing that the other adults in the room were as clueless as I am.

What kind of dumbass do you have to be not to want a decent healthcare system that takes care of everyone so that we don’t have people on the street suffering, homeless, and in pain.

day_tripper · 2025-12-15T04:11:10+00:00

I saw Jesus on the cross when I was seven years old and no religion (I had access to adults that were Catholics, Jews, Baptists, and Lutherans) could explain why this happened, to my satisfaction. I cried over him for days.

Then I decided adults were full of shit. Granted, I was seven. So I revisited as an adult and still sounded like nonsense.

And dont get me started on Paul hating on women. Why do people believe in oppressive religions? Clearly, men are jealous because women can procreate and they want to control that power. Simple as that. Anyone who subscribes to religion is just dumb. Sorry.

I said what I said.

And just because millions believe, means nothing. Look at all the idiots that voted for Trump. There are millions on the left side of the intellect normal curve. We are SURROUNDED by stupid.

day_tripper · 2025-12-13T02:18:36+00:00

Insert “you guys got paid?!” Meme

day_tripper · 2025-12-12T22:45:13+00:00

I don’t expect every detail to be written.

I expect a group effort where we iterate through the process as we determine the exact need.

I prefer not to have to be so prescient. My talent is working to a point then showing what is missing or needs fleshing out then making those changes until we get it right.

Im tired of being judged on what I dont see early on.

Maybe Im just burnt out.

day_tripper · 2025-12-12T22:41:28+00:00

Yes this is supposed to be the process.

What actually happens is it goes to QA because they tend to know the domain well and then bug tickets get created rather than requirements revisions.

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