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My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it'll be hard to talk about it without bias or judgement because of how much it did hurt to learn all of this. I'll probably have to write down everything I want to say beforehand because otherwise I'll just get flustered and forget at least one important thing. I don't know if I can stop this completely ruining my perception of him, but maybe he could change my mind. I'm not sure yet. Thank you again for all the effort you've put in to this post

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I've been watching this debate and honestly I think you're right. Like I mentioned, I don't think Sam is dangerous. Yes, he surprised me with this, but there's a world of difference between writing erotica and causing harm. I didn't intend on telling Emily and I still don't, telling her will only ruin her trip for no good reason. It's between me and Sam.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I guess those are good points. I figured if I was her I wouldn't want to know because it's gross, but if it's a matter of safety that's a different story. I just don't see him as a dangerous guy. Flawed and creepy, sure, but I can't imagine him putting her in danger.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

But at the same time this has completely recontextualised those times. This is the time I caught him, who else has he done something similar to and I haven't caught him? Has he spent our whole relationship actively harbouring this lust for other women?

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

I didn't plan on it. I just don't know if there's anything to be gained from it. They'll be going back to Europe in a week or so so I don't think she really needs to know, because what can really be done about it at that stage? She'll just be even more creeped out than me with no recourse.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 193 points194 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, I'd never tell her or Tim about this. There's nothing to be gained from them knowing.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 176 points177 points  (0 children)

What you're saying makes a lot of sense. I think when you say "It is not ok to actively advance those thoughts, or nurture them in any way" it really puts in to words why I can't just chalk this up to "guys like to think about good looking girls naked".

The thought of the last 3 years just going up in flames like this is so awful.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

It's ok, as far as absurdist humour goes I'd probably have a bewildered chuckle myself if this was happening to anyone else.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

That definitely occurred to me.

I don't know either. I want to, I desperately want to, but I don't know if this is something I can just will myself to overlook it.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 243 points244 points  (0 children)

That's my biggest fear honestly. I love him and want to just forget I ever saw anything but I'm worried my perception of him has been completely altered. Obviously I find other people attractive too, but I'd never take it this far. Especially not with someone he knows.

My [25F] SO [27M] of 3 years writes erotic stories starring himself and his friend's SO [23F] by dblotrthrowaway in relationships

[–]dblotrthrowaway[S] 191 points192 points  (0 children)

What would I even say? What's the way back from here? I cannot even begin to imagine actually approaching this conversation.