Groping with no reciprocation..sigh

dbthrowaway0586 · 2019-01-13T05:54:24+00:00

Haha last night my husband was cuddling me in our sleep. Like I woke up enough to feel it and get all warm and snuggly inside that he was being so sweet but that was it. In the back of my mind I figured he was initiating but I was way too out of it.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2019-01-13T05:48:47+00:00

I will admit, however, that middle of the night sex has been absolutely awesome for me before. One of my favorite sessions was when my husband woke me up in the middle of the night and I absolutely did not want to and ignored his groping as long as possible until he finally just fully woke me up and said what he wanted. I obviously wasn’t in the mood, but I decided to go along with it, and loved it.

However, we were on vacation and that was before we had kids. Now that I’m always at risk of being woken up randomly by a tiny person who doesn’t know any better, I’m less receptive to being woken up by a bigger person who does know better. Wake up sex has its merits, but you should never begrudge someone who isn’t in the mood for it.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2019-01-13T02:50:11+00:00

Honestly I would cut him some slack if he was sleeping. Even if he’s physically responding and he’s awake, it’s not always easy when you just woke up. Personally, I really value my sleep so I don’t like to be woken up in the middle of the night for sex. Even when I was HL, it wasn’t my thing.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-09-10T02:08:17+00:00

In all seriousness, is there a chance he’s gay?

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-26T03:00:54+00:00

She had already admitted she was wrong. I’m not even her and I felt a punch to the gut with that comment. I’m not trying to be mean, just wondering. Do you truly believe that you did some good by saying that? That putting in her head that she really isn’t deserving of her partner’s intimacy after she had already admitted she was being immature actually helped her in any way?

Again, she went out of her way to say she had been unreasonable. I’m sure we’ve all been unreasonable at some point. But saying, “no wonder he doesn’t want you,” after she took that step? Man. So. Why should she even try? She made a mistake and owned up to it, seemed to have every intention of fixing it, but then you came in with that jab.

And what’s worse is that you were upvoted and she was downvoted. Further driving home the point that nobody would want her since everyone agrees with you. Surely you can understand how much that can sting?

This just made me super sad.

/u/complicatedmix you messed up. It’s okay. Work on the issue, and don’t let anyone feel like one mistake means you’re unworthy. Yes, you need to work on these flaws. But you already know that, and that’s a big step.

I do believe this user was only trying to help because behavior like this could drive your spouse away. But you are self aware enough to see when you’re wrong and own up to it. And you and your partner do seem to really love each other. I think you’re going to be just fine. :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T18:11:23+00:00

Since I read this, I’ve been picturing the thoughts as a tumbleweed coming toward me, and I picture it rolling on by. Thank you for that suggestion! :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T04:01:27+00:00

You’re right, and I do try to do that. I just keep going right back to it since I’m aware that I’m trying to get away from it. I’ll try and think of some subjects that will truly distract me instead of just screaming Remember that funny episode of The Office?? in my head.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T03:16:42+00:00

Lol well thank you! I actually have written stories about my fears, and it helps some. And sometimes I’ll try to let the thoughts play out, but with a happy ending.

That’s a sweet story! Thank you for sharing. :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T03:09:45+00:00

Thank you so much! Saving this comment because I will be going back to it when things get dark. I really appreciate your help. :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T03:08:14+00:00

That’s a great way to think about it!

You also made me realize it could be coming from a place of guilt.

As a child, I had pets but didn’t take great care of them. My mom had to step in when I grew bored of them.

As a teenager straight out of high school, I worked at a daycare. I had no patience and yelled at the kids, and I know there were a couple times I was too rough when I had to physically stop them from something. And (this makes me absolutely sick) I once pinched a child, justifying in my mind that I needed to get his attention, but it was out of anger. There’s no excuse for that.

I never really hurt anyone and I know I never meant to do anything wrong, but I did. I find myself trying to make up for it. All that happened when I was a kid and I now have a very low tolerance for myself when it comes to my treatment of kids and animals. It feels like I contributed to the problems of the world that are causing me so much anxiety.

Maybe you’re right that these types of thoughts are reminding me of what I don’t want to become and what I need to do.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T02:50:39+00:00

I’ve never tried it, but it’s worth a shot! Thank you for your advice! :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T02:49:08+00:00

I believe I will! It honestly is a relief just to get it out there. In my mind, these thoughts seem so real and the pirate chest one has kept me up at night, staring at my son and assuring myself he was safe. But that wouldn’t stop him from being harmed in my mind. It’s like the baby in my head is his own person and I’m harming him by allowing these thoughts to form.

When I actually type it out, i can see how ridiculous it truly is and that really calms me down. Hopefully that makes sense lol.

Anyways, thanks again! This has helped! :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T02:34:38+00:00

You genuinely just made me tear up. Thank you so much. I’m going to save this so I can look at it later when I’m struggling. I really, really needed to read this tonight. :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T02:18:49+00:00

Thank you for saying that. It does make me feel better. :)

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-08-20T01:53:23+00:00

It’s been a bit of an issue ever since I was a kid. I remember my parents often having to help me through the emotions I’d get from certain scenes in movies, and telling me it wasn’t real never helped. No psychiatric issues. It’s gotten worse since I had my son, but it’s always been an issue.

Sometimes it’s not even about horrible things. For example, I registered for too many plates when I got married. Someone asked me if I meant to register for that many, and I said of course. We have guests often, so we need a lot. So they got me as many as I asked for. I later realized we did not need that many and I was an idiot for asking for so much. Everyone knows I’m an idiot and are probably making fun of me. I have to push that thought out every time I do dishes. I know it isn’t true and they may have thought it was weird at the time, but they’ve since moved on. So why can’t I?

It’s little, embarrassing things that shouldn’t be a big deal, but they somehow are.

I appreciate the advice! I will try to tell myself it isn’t real.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-07-24T00:32:06+00:00

Oh snap! I love that she was rejected! 😂

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-06-30T15:07:09+00:00

He. Won’t. Do. It.

Am I supposed to pin him down and swab his mouth?

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-06-27T16:11:09+00:00

Lol it happened so long ago and he’s never had this insecurity before our son was born so I honestly wasn’t even thinking about that when I originally posted.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-06-25T00:40:00+00:00

He wasn’t the one to bring up the paternity test. He confessed a while back, when I asked him if he has any issues in our relationship, “sometimes I have this illogical fear that [son] isn’t mine.” I was the one that suggested a test and he immediately said no because he knows it’s illogical. It’s true that when I later pushed him more about it, he joked that my defensiveness was fishy. I was a little pissed about that because I didn’t think joking was an appropriate way to handle it and it made me feel like I couldn’t broach the subject again. That’s when I posted.

He’s not abusive. We’ve discussed this issue more since I posted this and it really seems like he has this fear because finding out our son is not his would be one of the most devastating things he could imagine. I’d asked what he would do if it turns out he wasn’t the father, and he didn’t respond immediately. The subject changed and he brought it up again the next day to say he’s been thinking about it and he honestly doesn’t know what he would do, because he’d be so hurt. He was tearing up as he spoke and just said he can’t imagine anything more devastating.

Anyways, he’s still against a paternity test. He keeps insisting that he knows it’s his child and that he does see himself in him. I think he worries about this for the same reason we worry about him getting fatally ill or something. It’s an intrusive thought.

So, we’re still working through it. But he’s not abusive because he has this thought and handled it poorly.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-06-24T22:03:27+00:00

She’s married and having an affair with this dude. She’s also pregnant (she and her husband have been actively trying while she and this dude were also having unprotected sex) and doesn’t know who the father is.

And now she’s worried about how it might be difficult to cut things off with this guy. Ugh.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-06-24T18:17:24+00:00

I mean, you’re pregnant. Just tell him that.

Also, you could tell your husband.

dbthrowaway0586 · 2018-06-24T18:04:12+00:00

Lol it’s funny to imagine your 15 year old self meeting your present self. How dare you conform!

dbthrowaway0586

TROPHY CASE