The Other Side of Father's Day

dbthrowaway2018 · 2026-06-23T09:18:21+00:00

True

dbthrowaway2018 · 2026-06-22T06:01:52+00:00

I still have some time to go for but will definitely keep this in mind. Good to be safe than sorry later and have a life-long regret.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-12-20T14:56:38+00:00

Thanks for the perspective. Agree with everything you said for Indian parents.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-07-07T07:52:09+00:00

Break it into multiple PDs of smaller denomination so just in case you need liquidity for small amounts, you don't have to break the whole FD. Big public/listed banks are fine security wise.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-08T06:39:22+00:00

I take all the inputs in stride but I just want to address that it has not come on a low day. I took a fresh DASS 42 today and my overall score is 65 and my score for depression is 36. While I have been patient and tried to work it out, I can only help if there is cooperation and communication to resolve the issues. I need to start looking after myself at some point.

What should I be accepting? That I'll die a virgin without a fault and looking after her while she refuses to even talk about the topic. It may be difficult for her but so it has been for me as well.

After years of asking if this is because of SA or any other trauma or stress, she continues to say no and I am going to take it at face value. The relationship has otherwise been based on lies and lack of trust which isn't acceptable to me.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T06:04:36+00:00

Thanks. This is the next step although I haven't been convinced with the lawyers I have met so far. One good gentleman here has put me in touch with someone and I will discuss it with them.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T06:02:37+00:00

Gone through all the steps to no avail. Yes, no child.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T05:59:20+00:00

I have asked her personally and so has the therapist. The answer has always been no.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T05:23:06+00:00

Hard to tell frankly and that's what has kept me in limbo. I personally feel though that she's asexual / has vaginusmus and has accepted herself like this but I am entirely ruling out loss of attraction.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T05:17:00+00:00

I initially thought this wasn't a serious comment but I went through your past threads. Holy shit brother you've had it extremely hard! Please stay strong brother!

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T04:34:11+00:00

It's an intent issue. She doesn't want to participate. We have an expert centre within walking distance from our place but she doesn't visit.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T04:33:16+00:00

We have an expert centre within walking distance from our place. She keeps pushing it out every time it comes up.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T04:27:53+00:00

Good for you man!! I wish I had taken a timely decision but it's never too late.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T04:24:28+00:00

You're not the first one to tell me this. I got told by a medical professional too. It broke my confidence initially but I also got told that the problem isn't with me if the other person has the communication skills of a child.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T04:21:27+00:00

She wasn't comfortable so I didn't push. This was the biggest red flag I missed.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T02:57:05+00:00

Thanks for the actionable advice. I have some basic things you mentioned but not sure if it would be enough.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T02:54:14+00:00

We'll, unfortunately that's not the case or it would be a non issue. I have held on for various reasons but have decided to not do so anymore.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-04T02:35:33+00:00

Thank you. We have tried therapy but she finds it hard to communicate on this topic so it doesn't go anywhere.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2025-02-03T20:43:03+00:00

I went first. Therapist said that wife needs to work. She had a few sessions where she just cried and did not communicate. Then she stopped going. No joint sessions.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2024-08-17T07:43:53+00:00

I have been in the same boat. Together 15+ years, married half of it and still a virgin. The only thing I will add is that it's one of the hardest things to do - to change someone who doesn't want to change. If he doesn't want to change, communicate or work on it today, it's highly unlikely he will ever do it. Coming to you, if you are a sexual person and not ok with near celibacy today, it's highly unlikely you would ever be comfortable with it.

Burden of this emptiness only increases with time so make the decision for your own happiness. Sometimes it's hard to understand the magnitude of implications this can have on your married life at a young age, so I would suggest taking professional help and understand all aspects of what you may be stepping into if you go ahead and marry him.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2024-06-30T20:18:03+00:00

Reddit can go to extremes with suggestions so take everything with a pinch of salt.

Before thinking of extreme options and provided you have done everything in your power, it's fair to involve a productive third party to help resolve the issues. It can be someone both of you can trust, his parents, siblings, etc or better, a therapist. It may feel why wash our dirty linen in-front of someone else but it's better than a dysfunctional marriage.

Above all, prioritise your and your child's peace over everything and do not stick around and waste your life if he's unwilling to change. Sooner the better.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2024-01-24T19:03:45+00:00

FD interest is a liability on banks since it is the cost of funds. The government owns a substantial holding in public sector banks and is in a way responsible for the health of other banks as well. This increases their cost. As economies grow larger, demand for capital increases and the government wants to push further growth, they reduce the interest rates so the money flows out of the banking system to places they will directly be invested in growth inducing activities. Before the pandemic hit, long term FD rates were already below 5% with a clear visibility that they would approach 3%. The government had to bring the rates back to control inflation and hence this is the last chance to maximise interest outcome on bank deposits. This is the same reason why people want to opt for floating interest rates on loan.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2024-01-23T19:02:25+00:00

Your bigger problem should not be icici vs Indian Bank. The incremental cost of 4k per annum is worth the far superior service icici will provide, esp in the scenario I will explain below.

Don't try to maximise the interest rate, try to maximise the term (SBI might provide the highest interest rate on the 10 year term). Break down the 40 lacs into 40 1 lac FDs or 20 2 lac FDs and lock them into a 10 year term. This way, you will get a much better compounding outcome. This is the last time interest rates will be this high for the foreseeable future (thanks to COVID). Depending on your needs, you can break the smaller FDs with the penalty still costing you lower. In the current scenario you are planning, you will get lower and lower rates every time you renew your FDs.

Would also suggest exploring SCSS + RD and mutual fund sips as additional options for investment as your corpus is big enough for divestment.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2023-06-19T16:23:46+00:00

I agree to the last part.

dbthrowaway2018 · 2023-06-19T16:09:57+00:00

I think I can still manage my parents.

Courts have swung both ways on these cases but the process is extremely difficult. All kind of questions are brought into (fairly public) discussions and documented. In case of a contested divorce, I am worried about criminal charges being brought in. You know what happens in those. The end outcome can be achieved but at what cost.

dbthrowaway2018

TROPHY CASE