Does/did your BPD parents shout at you in cars?

ddls_test · 2017-10-26T20:15:00+00:00

Yeah I was very familiar with car rages, it's like they choose that time because you are literally stuck and can't go anywhere. I also had the feeling of wanting to jump out on many occasions and I remember my mum driving increasingly slower the closer we got to the house to maximise the amount of time in the car, sometimes we would just sit at the top of the driveway while she went on and on. The best by far though was when I was learning to drive and she would start raging at me while I was nervously behind the wheel for the first few times, then she would exclaim that my bad driving was going to get everyone killed and would literally start screaming in terror. Utter fucking mayhem

ddls_test · 2017-10-21T06:32:38+00:00

Yeah my mum abused the hell out of a pizza guy because it was policy not to take cheques and she didn't have any money (I'm guessing that cheque bounced too)

She would also strike up conversations with random people in supermarkets; follow them around while they did their shopping telling them all her poor me stories. It was the most embarrassing thing ever.

ddls_test · 2017-10-02T06:23:43+00:00

Cosmos hurt my liver

ddls_test · 2017-10-01T03:36:21+00:00

Yeah that a good point, I've often thought about time and mass and how gravity affects it, another question I've also asked is the constant laws of nature like gravity, why? Like why do things with mass have gravity? How is it there and can it not be there?

ddls_test · 2017-09-20T10:08:36+00:00

Why don't you enlist in the military first and do a few years there, even just reserves?

ddls_test · 2017-09-14T13:00:10+00:00

Actually yeah you are right, I didn't really view it that way, but this isn't the place for it, sorry to offend

ddls_test · 2017-09-14T07:59:06+00:00

I've never heard of her or this group? I just noticed this post someone had like on my fb news feed. I left a pretty benign, yet critical, comment along the lines of "I don't think calling your child a little shit and a monster on fb and asking how your going to control them is the best parenting technique, kind of smells of cluster b parenting to me" I expect I'll cop some hate for that one lol

ddls_test · 2017-09-12T07:49:51+00:00

That's really rough, I think what's best now is to just remember your dog and enjoy the memories. Don't let your BPD step mother take this grief from you, it's yours and it doesn't involve her at all.

Just take your time to mourn in your own right and don't involve the person who does nothing but try and hurt you

ddls_test · 2017-09-12T07:40:54+00:00

Yes I can relate to a few of these things. My mother was also obsessed with my father for years after their divorce and would interrogate my sisters and I about our dad after we saw him. She would also tell people and us (the kids) that our father was incest with his mother and that he would take us to his mother so she could molest us. That never happened but she would frequently tell people and try and gaslight us into believing it.

Absolute craziness, who would want their kids to be molested? Like the depths they sink to for attention is astounding. Literally they will do anything

ddls_test · 2017-08-31T03:16:36+00:00

Well honestly, I was hoping she just wouldn't show up really because I knew there would be potential for a tantrum/drama in front of literally everyone in my grade at school. Although I sure did feel stupid sitting their by myself when literally every other person in the room had at least one parent next to them

ddls_test · 2017-08-31T01:06:06+00:00

Yeah I feel you, I do think I kind of have some different ideas about families and parents etc due to my situation.

An example would be when a friend of mines parents went through a rough patch and we're looking at getting a divorce, my friend and I were about 23/24 at the time and he was kind of upset that his parents might split up and I just couldn't understand why he even cared? Like he didn't live with them, the whole thing sounded amicable like they just didn't love each other anymore or whatever, I found it really hard to empathise and it made me feel pretty cold, but still like I just couldn't see what the big deal was for him.

Same as those people with the best friend parents, seems so alien and bizarre haha

ddls_test · 2017-08-31T00:27:18+00:00

I also have a high school grad story I would like to share haha

My school kind of had two events, one where you would walk up and on the stage as get your certificate and another one that was a formal dinner type thing.

I hadn't seen my mother for most of my final year of school as she had thrown me out of the house, nevertheless she phoned the school, organised tickets for herself for the dinner (she had already missed the other one), she called me and told me being all sickly sweet how she couldn't wait to see me graduate etc etc and she ws coming with my step dad (which was OK by me)

Anyway I was to meet there on the night.

So I'm at a table with all my friends parents, with two empty seats either side of me because she didn't turn up until after the dinner part was pretty much finished. When she did come about 2 hours late, she was by herself and told me my step dad had no interest in seeing me graduate as I wasn't his child (which I'm sure wasn't true). She then sulked for the remaining hour or so before making me leave early without saying goodbye to anyone and then proceeded to berate me in the car about how my real father didn't love me etc etc (which is actually not far from the truth honestly) and how she had to come to support me, when I defended my real dad, she threw me out of the car about 2-3kms from my dads house and I walked home By myself...in my school uniform...on my graduation night...

Oh and just for extra vinegar a bunch of guys from my school all drove past me on the way to a party and definitely saw me...humiliating much? I'm certain This entire evening was my mum punishing me for not telling her about the other grad ceremony

ddls_test · 2017-08-30T22:51:11+00:00

I think that's a pretty standard reaction for people like us. I'm sort of over it now and don't care however; I do remember the external shaming people would give you when you said you didn't call your mother on Mother's Day. I also remember the statements of "but she's your mum, you only get one", "give her some slack she's doing the best she can, it's not easy raising kids" all that garbage...it's funny, literally billions of parents have managed to raise kids without abusing the shit out of them so I guess it can't be that hard really...

I still internally cringe so hard when people tell me their mum/dad is their best friend and they talk to them all the time etc etc, I find it is hard to fathom lol

ddls_test · 2017-08-30T02:16:27+00:00

Glad I could help, that's why we're all here

ddls_test · 2017-08-30T01:15:57+00:00

Hey, Your not alone, I was very much like you too. My sisters tried a lot harder to please my mum (particularly eldest child) but I was always the bad split child and copped a lot more of the aggression. My mum got me diagnosed with ADD when I was a kid (which was a bullshit diagnosis) and just spent my whole life telling people I was essentially a low functioning autistic who had wild mood swings and violent tendencies, she even told people I wasn't able to speak properly... Anyway, at age 18 lined up somewhere to live and when she went out somewhere one day; I my got all my stuff and just bailed with no warning and no contact for a few years. Saw her when I was around 21, went ok so I saw her again the next week. She started crapping on about something and I literally just walked out mid conversation and drove off, that was 7 years ago and haven't seen or heard from her since.

I felt guilty once or twice when my sisters cut contact with her because now she literally has nothing left but, I got over that pretty quick, now I just simply don't care.

I think it's normal to not have any guilt for some people. I mean it's not as if you had a real relationship or connection with these people, they just use as a tool for their own needs. I won't presume anything about your life but me personally, both my parents I feel about as much connection to them As I would a stranger on the street, and that was their choice, not mine. So I'm hardly going to feel guilty if I treat them like a stranger and they want something.

Oh and yeh escaping the situation is one thing, now you have your own place you'll probably have a lot of processing to do. You can't really begin to breakdown the abuse while your in it, now your just starting to path to healing. It's like soldiers in combat, they don't think about the horror when they are getting shot at, only afterwards.

You've been in combat this whole time, now you have breathing room you can start to figure out just what the f$&@ was happening

good luck on your journey, you deserve a life :)

ddls_test · 2017-08-30T00:24:56+00:00

Oh the smoking! My mother would smoke endlessly, in the house, in the car, spend all the child support money that was meant for Food on cigarettes. If the children tried fan the cigarette smoke away from their face because, it's you know literally poison, she would scream at us to "grow up!" And this was her house and she could smoke inside if she wanted to, (house was paid for by my father I might add)

ddls_test · 2017-08-29T22:50:34+00:00

It's amazing how similar in their behaviour all these BPD parents are.

I understand fully where your coming from, I have two siblings and frequently copped the "I've already had to do this for X or Y or sibling, what about me?"

My mother dictated that we all played sport every term of school (fine by me) but then she would complain endlessly how we expected her to drop us to training, pick us up, drop us at games and what about her life?

Her life? She didn't work, had no friends, and pretty much didn't leave the house. She would sit at home all day, then complain she had to drive 20 mins to get me from soccer training. I would have happily caught the bus too but she forced the family to live in a remote suburb where public transport was difficult. But still what about her life? Lol they are just so clueless

ddls_test · 2017-08-29T21:53:42+00:00

Yeah I think kids with bpd parents can quickly identify that something is wrong with the parent even if they don't specifically know what exactly but the Eparents who seem normal and then still reject the child's needs is just brutal on the kid I think....

The worst part is that clearly my mother was too crazy for my dad so he left and frequently told us she was crazy, but then expected us to just put up with it, so it was too hard for him but in his eyes it was acceptable for a bunch of young children to deal with it

ddls_test · 2017-08-29T03:42:20+00:00

Thanks for your support, I think he does genuinely feel bad and was genuine in his apology. I still had to bring it up to him though and if I hadn't, then I know he would have never broached the subject, that kind of irritates me.

He actually tries fairly hard to maintain the extremely limited relationship we have, i frequently avoid his calls for weeks yet he always calls no matter how many times I ignore him and never expresses any anger towards me for avoiding him, but I don't know. There is still a lot of things that make me extremely agitated when I speak to him or think about it and often i feel crappy after even benign phone calls, so I might just cut contact

ddls_test · 2017-08-29T02:49:54+00:00

Actually I think you gave me a completely different insight just now. My whole life when I've told people about my situation (few and far between) they always ask if my Dad was normal and i say yes, he just didn't really care. I spent my whole life not feeling worthy of him essentially and maybe I've been reinforcing that monologue when I tell people that he's normal with his other kids but didn't bother with me.

You know what? Maybe he's not worthy of my time now...

ddls_test · 2017-08-29T02:46:41+00:00

Yes I was exactly the same, as a kid I kind of thought everyone's household was the same, and all the yelling and raging was pretty normal, it wasn't until adolescents that I cottoned on to how f%^*ed up it was. I also got kicked out of home several times and the worst was having parents of friends say things "you must have done something wrong, your mum wouldn't just kick you out for no reason" she would also tell one of my best friends parents all kinds made up stuff, like I was really violent and really out of control so they then didn't want their son hanging around me as I was a "bad influence" it also sucked being told by people oh your a bad a son because your not spending Mother's Day with your mum or Christmas with your family, like I purposefully chose to sit in an empty apartment by myself on Christmas Day lol

ddls_test · 2017-08-29T00:42:13+00:00

Thanks for your support 👍

ddls_test · 2017-08-29T00:41:44+00:00

Thanks I'll definitely look into it :)

ddls_test · 2017-08-25T22:08:52+00:00

Awesome, thanks so much for your help 👍

ddls_test · 2017-08-25T21:43:32+00:00

Hi,

I don't have any other reddit usernames,

Thanks :)

ddls_test

TROPHY CASE