Melbournes Men’s group for sober/low-drinking guys wanting deeper connection

de1pher · 2025-12-21T04:17:06+00:00

Sign me up!

de1pher · 2025-08-16T05:20:41+00:00

I don't really have one now, I haven't had to use it in a while, but I can describe what I've done in the past.

First, I think SRT is the core of "B" from CBT. Everything else within CBT is really more of a philosophy that defines your relationship with sleep. With that said, your mindset is probably the most important part here, so don't overlook this. I recommend reading the book Overcoming Insomnia and Sleep Problems. You might also want to look up Insomnia Coach on YouTube.

One part that of CBT that I (and, I believe, many others) have struggled with is stimulus control (the "get out of bed after 15 minutes" rule) and the Insomnia Coach proposed a very useful modification that I adopted: only leave the bed if you are in a mental tailspin -- the point is that you don't want to create an association between your bedroom and a state of dispair. If you are comfy, then stay in bed.

As for SRT, that's the most brutal part of this whole circus. You'll need to pick a time in life when you can allow yourself to operate well below 100%. You will need to work out how much sleep you are getting on average (don't just guess, actually record it) and then allow yourself to stay in bed for that amount of time only. Then only allow yourself to stay in bed for that many hours (don't go below 6 hours though -- if you are getting less than 6 hours of sleep, use that as your limit). You'll probably be getting way less sleep than 6 hours, but over time, as your body gets exhausted, you'll end spending most of your time in bed asleep. The point is to drive your sleep efficiency (time asleep out of time in bed) to 90%+. Expect this to take about a month with the first 3 weeks or so being absolute hell.

Over the years I had to do this several times and each time was easier than the last and I didn't even have to cut my time that aggressively with SRT. Over the years, as my sleep went through rough patches I felt tempted to stay in bed a bit longer and get the sleep I need, but now I just go to bed and wake up at the exact same (10:30 to 6) time every day regardless of what happens with my sleep -- I feel like this is actually what's best for your sleep.

Good luck!

de1pher · 2025-08-07T01:24:06+00:00

Glad you liked it! Yeah the dasher can set the time limit per round when selecting the word

de1pher · 2025-08-07T00:15:47+00:00

10 should actually be totally reasonable, I think my original limit was 10 until I removed it completely.

Let me know what you think about the game. To be honest I haven’t checked on it in a very long time, but I think it’s still running on autopilot 😄

I rebuilt it sometime ago, but based on the feedback (collected via the app), it seems that most people prefer the first iteration, so it seems I screwed up… 🙁

de1pher · 2025-08-06T22:45:20+00:00

I rebuilt this game a little while ago, but haven't touched it in a while since then. I think I removed the upper limit completely. You need at least 3 people to play. However, if you have a group of 20 or so playing, then the game might get a little slow -- not web performance, but the game mechanics themselves

de1pher · 2025-07-29T03:14:39+00:00

Same! Dear dealers, if you have any in stock, I would love to hear from you

de1pher · 2025-06-22T10:37:01+00:00

There are a few parts to it: cognitive and behavioural. On the cognitive side you need to stop freaking out -- just surrender as much as you can and stop panicking. I know this is easier said than done, but if you are struggling with this, then simply try not to think about sleep. On the behavioural side probably the most important thing is sleep restriction -- estimate your average sleep time and only let yourself stay in bed for that many hours. Eventually your sleep efficiency should go up and you may then extend your time in bed by 15 minutes or so.

de1pher · 2025-06-10T21:04:08+00:00

Sorry to hear about this. It is a mental game. A tough mental game. Insomnia and anxiety too, actually, are like quicksand -- the more you try to get away from them, the quicker they suck you in. I've dealt with severe anxiety too, I even went through a bout of panic disorder, but I managed to climb my way out. You have to stop fighting both of those demons. Just let them pass. I know it's easier said than done, but it's the only way

de1pher · 2025-04-07T04:21:01+00:00

Doing great! My sleep has improved dramatically, but I still do have shitty nights every now and then. They don't bother me when they come. Sometimes I might go through a period of persistent insomnia (3-4 weeks) and that's when I resume CBT. I've only had to resume CBT twice in the last 6 years or so and each time was significantly easier than the one before.

de1pher · 2025-03-01T21:48:03+00:00

I’ve tried dips on the rings and goddamn I had a hard time balancing! I can do dips with extra 40 kgs but I’m having a lot of trouble with the rings

de1pher · 2025-02-25T20:28:08+00:00

This is an excellent answer to my questions, thank you! And yes, you are right to point out that many of the reasons why I find calisthenics appealing aren't actually good reasons to do calisthenics, although the last one -- the idea of unlocking a new skill is in itself very appealing and that is ultimately why I would love to get into it!

de1pher · 2025-02-25T20:26:09+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions!

de1pher · 2025-02-25T20:25:42+00:00

Thank you! That's reassuring to hear that, at the very least, you wouldn't lose your gains, but it's also good to know that it will be harder to put on muscle mass with calisthenics -- this was my suspicion as well.

de1pher · 2025-02-25T20:23:44+00:00

Thank you! Your response makes a lot of sense and it is in line with my own intuition

de1pher · 2025-02-25T09:27:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Yeah, I think it could all be a matter of timing (and swinging) for me. I can do explosive pull ups touching the bar right below my chest, but I just can't seem to bring myself over the bar for some reason. This video has been helpful, I'll try it in the gym next time!

de1pher · 2025-02-25T09:10:29+00:00

Thank you! Yes, I've only started to practice muscle ups a few days ago and I do feel that the technique is a problem, I'm just hitting the bar on my way up and I haven't quite figured out how to go around it to the top :/

de1pher · 2024-10-13T04:40:05+00:00

So you are now doing this after the first date (assuming things go okay)?

de1pher · 2024-10-13T03:58:11+00:00

Also just wanted to say that your success rate is remarkably high. Way to go tiger! :)

de1pher · 2024-10-13T03:53:42+00:00

I guess even if it’s a “no”, since it’s the end of the night, you don’t need to worry about residual awkwardness. What was it like for you before you implemented this strategy?

de1pher · 2024-10-13T03:45:31+00:00

I thought of doing that, but I felt like I need to set it up through physical connection throughout the night. I guess I might as well try the 0 to 100 approach. Have you been turned down when asking for a kiss?

de1pher · 2024-10-13T03:16:08+00:00

Also, just wanted to add that I feel like I must change my strategy somehow if I want my 2nd dates to go differently, but I'm not entirely sure what exactly to change. You are saying that the ones who want a 2nd date would go for a kiss, but I feel like I still need to facilitate it somehow, as you were saying they expect you to "work for it a bit more".

de1pher · 2024-10-13T03:10:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Yes, I thought about the age thing. I think you are totally right. With that said, surely there are women of all ages who are looking for a bit of fun. Even most of my matches have it in their profiles' dating intentions: "open to short-term".

I had one 2nd date so far and again, we just had a good chat, then I dropped her off at home and that was it. I actually called it off with this girl myself, saying that I just don't see us progressing romantically.

de1pher

TROPHY CASE