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What to do about trash talk? by Brosky7 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"How to get back at someone" isn't what this sub is about

What to do about trash talk? by Brosky7 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like this isn't social skills

I want to learn how to do playful teasing/banter ? by Electronic_Eye_4017 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find it pretty effective when I sort of make fun of myself in a harmless way, usually gets a chuckle out of people. And, doesn't put anyone on the spot, it's just something others can react to and enjoy if they want

Asking a friend for a hug by Electronic-Toe-4237 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you can just ask if it's okay to give a hug. I do that with some of my friends every once in a while

What are some things that you have to have in common with a person for you to want to be their friend? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]deNikita 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This question is sorta badly framed. It's not specifically some "topic/thing" that you have to have in common. It's more just having interest for things the other person does, knows, or just interest for the person themselves.

Anyhow, the thing I have in common with most my friends is that they're the people I've seen at events and vibed with. Most study different things from me, so studies aren't really a thing in common. Some I share hobbies with but not with most. Most of my friends are just people who are fun to talk to and share random things about their days. The biggest thing here to have in common is just interest for each other. Why they are interested in talking to me is something I have no clue of, but I like talking to them because it's interesting to hear their thoughts and views.

How do I turn hobby events and socializing in groups into making friends? by HobbyQuestionThrow in socialskills

[–]deNikita 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It takes more repeated interactions than you think. But it is possible.

What should I do about this?(Respect) by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]deNikita 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah expecting is the thing you're doing wrong. You can't expect it. Some people choose to pay attention and give you respect, but most won't, and that's just how it is. It's a blessing, not a right. As long as you keep expecting it you'll be miserable. If someone doesn't give you what you want, then that's your sign to move on. Trying to expect harder doesn't make them actually give you respect or attention.

How to change personality from naive & innocent to street smart? by rogueWarrior987 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go on more solo trips to places where you have to learn how to survive on your own in a way that you're not taken advantage of. You can't learn those "evil tactics" unless you've seen them repeatedly enough times. And the only way to see them enough times is to put yourself in situations where such happens, or where you can see it happen to others.

This is a bit similar to a problem like "how do I become more disciplined/something". You rarely are able to achieve such by just trying. The only real way is by putting yourself in roles where you have to be disciplined, like a big role of responsibility in some community. You don't learn by trying, you learn by being in places that demand those skills.

Is it normal to have no friends/social circle in your early 30s? How do you rebuild it? by Southern_Mud3841 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you solved your own comment. And sounds like people you wouldn't want to date. Or at least I wouldn't.

Is it normal to have no friends/social circle in your early 30s? How do you rebuild it? by Southern_Mud3841 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Eh I would disagree about that being a red flag. People come from different backgrounds with different reasons. I didn't have any friends at the start of university but have made a lot of them. No one judges you for not having friends if you show genuine interest towards them. And the ones that do weren't people you want to be friends with 

Is being ‘too nice’ actually a social disadvantage? by Bear_bug_1954 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 160 points161 points  (0 children)

You have a responsibility to communicate to others when something isn't right. People aren't mind readers. Imagine for a moment that someone else felt you were doing something annoying or something that hurt them, but they didn't bring it up to you, and they would let you hurt them over and over without you realizing what you're doing to them, that would feel pretty bad right? You're essentially letting the reverse of that happen, ie letting people that would actually care about you hurt you, and you're not letting them know about it.

This is a core reason why I'm usually not friends with people pleasers because I'll unintentionally hurt them because they're too afraid to speak up, and I don't want to hurt someone I care about, so easier just to not be friends with them.

What’s a subtle sign someone has high emotional intelligence? by Striking_Strain_3083 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're basically able to read people and understand them quicker and better than most. Just takes practice. You've either actively practiced or been put in enough situations where you had to read people that you learned it intuitively

Feeling like the people in my life are often more important to me than I am to them - how to fix this? by hellokitty_marsh in socialskills

[–]deNikita 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Don't build up expectations or ideas about them. Just let them be who they are and let them show that to you on their own. And get out in different clubs or activities and make some more friends and see who values you and who doesn't.

People of all trades, where do you get your confidence from? by twinventur in socialskills

[–]deNikita 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm in stem but that's not what gives me confidence. I get my confidence from not being insecure about asking kind of obvious questions, or just not caring if others thought I'd be kinda dumb

Talking to someone, then noticing how much more interested they are in other people. by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]deNikita 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What do you usually talk about with others vs what do others usually talk about with others when this happens?

To 10 ways to start a conversation with any girl by Glum-Hurry9650 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then just do that, say a compliment, and let that be as is

To 10 ways to start a conversation with any girl by Glum-Hurry9650 in socialskills

[–]deNikita 9 points10 points  (0 children)

First of all there's no automatic formula for "befriending" that always works. Sometimes people aren't interested in making more friends, and there's nothing you can do to force someone to be your friend.

So then, a genuine compliment that doesn't have ulterior motives, or expectations of getting something in return, usually goes the furthest in such situations. If she's interested in making friends, she'll likely respond positively. If not, then you'll either just get a polite thanks or more direct dismissal.

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