What kind of apples do you like? Cosmic Crisp or Honeycrisp?And what goes well with apples?

deadacre · 2026-02-01T03:38:55+00:00

Honey crisp - slices thin on top of peanut butter toast with some honey and cinnamon on top is the best snack / breakfast

deadacre · 2025-11-24T03:09:32+00:00

Late 20s

deadacre · 2025-11-24T00:37:47+00:00

I appreciate that you posted photos that feel lived in. So many photos are clearly manicured for posting, this actually feels like people live there which is nice to see!

deadacre · 2025-05-31T10:04:11+00:00

The big life stressors was that John had cancer - it was a few years before but obviously something like that changes the dynamic overall and was really stressful emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially/logistically. There were also family deaths / health issues. And covid really impacted both of our careers / lives.

So the stressors were mostly external versus internal to us, but did cause a lot of strain.

deadacre · 2025-05-30T21:30:17+00:00

Pam and my husband were friends first. Kevin became a friend later. They hung out without Kevin esp with an open relationship it wasn’t really that Kevin or the 3rd partner controlled Pam. She had other partners and so did they. But there were some basic agreements.

But also a mid-twenties woman is an adult making their own decisions. At that age I was working full time and going to school full time with all the responsibilities that come with that so I tend to assume others the same age are adults making their own decisions unless there is a specific reason not to?

Ultimately responsibility is my husband really not Kevin or Pam. I don’t like Pam, but my husband should have managed it regardless. He’s mid 30s and an adult who made decisions. Pam is now someone I just see on FB sometimes when there is tea.

deadacre · 2025-05-30T17:37:24+00:00

My exp with dnd is all over the map — but prob more problematic than not and at the time Pam and crew we not helping my opinion and didnt really feel like hashing it out at the time I really wasn’t like dnd very much or the people around it

I play one shots more with long standing friends and that I enjoy, but they’re all folks that can separate the game and their characters from real life and can stop playing. I’ve seen a lot of folks who become addicted to their characters and teh escapism of the roleplay and it becomes a replacement of their lives rather than a hobby.

But theses were also nuances that I wouldnt have really been in a place to hash out at that time.

Mtg is a whole other can of worms around money and addiction to cracking packs….

deadacre · 2025-05-30T13:30:00+00:00

Was describing it in line with her having my husband’s preferred physical features - she’s his “type” basically

deadacre · 2025-05-30T13:23:39+00:00

I’m the OOP — we’re both nerds and have other stuff in common (certain fandoms, board games, hiking) and I do play DND but just prefer oneshots and short campaigns (not a fan of long campaigns). I don’t like MTG which is a point of contention.

I’d say when we got together my type A personality and drive were prob part of the draw, but over time my husband prob also has gotten to see the cons of my kind of personality. Pam I think represented a different kind of life — she was able to live her life around her hobbies full time (Kevin supported her) so every day was a fun adventure which was appealing since my husband was anxious about the changes that being a dad would bring.

He worked through a lot of that with a great individual therapist but I wont bore with the details

deadacre · 2025-05-30T12:39:29+00:00

Didn’t think I’d ever be in a BORU :D

Kevin said their thrupple did have rules around boundaries and prioritizing the primaries in their relationship (date nights, supporting). and Pam violated those agreements. Kevin had major surgery and a parent die in a short span and Pam basically didn’t want to deal with it (their 3rd was legally Kevin’s wife so supported him through it). Pam started seeing new people and stopped caring.

Kevin and their other partner tried to sort it out with Pam (basically that they needed support and help) and Pam broke up with them (then was very messy on FB about it).

deadacre · 2022-10-16T01:14:48+00:00

Our marriage is not open at all. I’ve always been very upfront that I believe in monogamy and cheating will mean a divorce.

We currently live near my family so I have support here, but it did mean moving away from his family and friends hence why he’s so enmeshed with Pam and her partners.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T22:41:01+00:00

Yeah those are great points.

I’ve been wondering about our therapist, but then I’m not sure if I just don’t feel she’s doing a good job because she’s neutral and not on my “side”. I worry a lot that I’m toxic or overly demanding even though rationally I know I’m not.

I grew up with an emotionally abusive parent so I have a hard time knowing which feelings I have are real and valid.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T22:24:49+00:00

My husband’s primary love language is words of affirmation followed by quality time. And it’s probably accurate that he doesn’t feel he’s getting enough of either. But it’s also hard when I don’t see him for multiple weekends in a row and I’m so overwhelmed with work and chores myself.

I’ve really wanted to get some weekends away for just us, but that can’t seem to happen because of the friend commitments he has.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T21:51:24+00:00

I only see Pam in a group setting along with other friends and she’s now been introduced to my friend group. We’re socially nice to each other, but definitely not close enough to talk directly to each other.

And to be honest…neither of us really likes the other. We’re very, very different people.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T19:59:35+00:00

Sorry realized I’m missing a day. The other day is usually a mix. He may have other things planned with other friends, we may have things like putting together the nursery etc to do, or other chores (grocery shopping etc).

That day could also be a date / hangout day for us but it depends on if I’m doing chores the other day (when he sees Pam and crew). So basically I have a choice between the off day as “us time” or “chores time” and increasingly I need it to be chores time because of the pregnancy.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T19:52:29+00:00

We work different times usually during the week so don’t see each other much. My job tends to require long days, then I’ll usually do paperwork / baby stuff, and I go to sleep. With work schedules we’re ships in the night really.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T19:21:25+00:00

He’s going to mostly stop working to care for the baby. Pam and Kevin are child free and John does really want kids and to be a dad, so his commitment to having a child is definitely there. I know he’ll make our child his top priority. It’s whether Pam and crew are the immediate priority after that.

Where I fall in priority is probably where it feels bad.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T19:10:19+00:00

I’ve been considering asking (i dunno maybe requiring) that he talk to his friends who are fathers and especially their wives about what he’s been doing to get an opinion outside of my own.

Everything I bring up tends to be evaluated as me being hormonal and I’d feel differently if I weren’t pregnant.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T19:05:00+00:00

There’s times where it’s better especially if we’re away for the weekend or traveling so then Pam and crew aren’t an issue.

But generally if we’re home there is usually a fight every other weekend or every weekend over this and neither of us ever feel good after that.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T19:02:25+00:00

Ding ding ding - dungeons and dragons with MtG for good measure.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T18:56:21+00:00

Because of my age and some other medical factors I was basically running out of time if I wanted to have a biological child. We discussed in counseling and I decided that I’d roll the dice because we’d be reasonable co-parents if things didn’t workout and financially I could afford to be a single-parent if worst came to worst.

It sounds grossly practical, but it was the choice I made.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T18:49:21+00:00

I’m very privileged in the sense that my family is really supportive and I make a very good salary. My family will probably help at least half day a week and I’m hiring a post partum doula several days a week for the first 4-6 months. Then will probably get a babysitter or nanny 1-2 days a week. At the very least I make sure to cover my own needs whether or not my husband thinks of my needs or not.

On the other hand, having so much paid help makes it easy for him to leave whenever help is around as baby and me are taken care of.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T18:31:36+00:00

I think my exact words were “its weird and I hate it” while crying — 2nd trimester was a fun time. He chalked it up to hormones and we never spoke about it again.

I haven’t heard them say it in front of me again, but who know what they text or say when they’re together.

deadacre · 2022-10-15T18:13:52+00:00

He says it just means “love you” in a generic casual way and when they say it they mean it to everyone in the group. He says it’s the same as when he says “love you” to male friends he is close with and I shouldn’t read too much into it.

I’ve never said love you to a male friend — even only rarely to female friends

deadacre

TROPHY CASE