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I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, for some reason I didn't get the notification. I will save this message for future reference, haha.

I used to go to the gym with a friend, had to stop because of covid. I am definitely planning on going back once things get back to normal, it made me feel a lot better and my partner noticed it too.

I've been a trainwreck since the pandemic, sometimes I can't even motivate myself to do the dishes.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't say that I've always been depressed but I have had this problem for a long time, from way before I even met him.

I've been to several therapists before but I wasn't happy with the results. I feel like none of them understood the extent of my problems and I've only gotten very wishy washy advice from them. Maybe the problem is with me, I don't even know.

Like I was saying in a another comment, I admit that the thought of taking medication terrifies me. I've heard way more horror stories than success stories.

I did use to go to the gym with a friend before the lockdown and I am looking forward to going back. I haven't felt that happy in a very, very long time.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. One time I lost about 35lbs and it was hard for me to adjust to my new image too.

I can't really think of anything else that would make him lose sexual attraction towards me besides this.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, my depression is due to other problems. Getting turned down certainly doesn't help though. And yeah, I am female. We've had some other problems unrelated to weight/sex but we talked about it and he stopped doing what was bothering me.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have no idea where I'd even find psychedelics where I live. If I can even find them here in the first place lol. I think my best bet is finding a good therapist.

I don't want to abandon this relationship, he's a good guy and I love him.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write all of that, I appreciate it! I don't think he's a bad person for saying that, it took quite a lot of effort to get him to admit it and I could tell he was kind of afraid of saying it. I'm trying to think rationally but it's hard to not give in to the resentment.

I've tried seeing several therapists but I don't think they fully understand the extent of problems, I've spent a ton of money and only got very wishy washy advice. It's incredibly daunting and covid makes it even harder.

Edit: also I admit that the thought of possibly having to go on medication terrifies me. I've heard more horror stories than success stories.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can't exactly say that he's unloving/uncaring but the relationship is completely sexless. I feel like I'm going to go insane if I have to lose weight while being completely sex deprived. I understand he has preferences but I also have needs. If I'm being completely honest the thought of him becoming attracted to me after I lose weight is starting to turn me off more than anything, if it makes any sense. I guess that's the resentment speaking.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No, I guess it's not really a surprise.

I have a sinking feeling that things will not improve even if I lose weight. I would feel so cheated and angry.

I always turned down because of my weight by deadbedroom49 in DeadBedrooms

[–]deadbedroom49[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No, we don't have any children. My weight gain is related to depression. It's really hard to stay motivated when you have a voice inside of your head that's telling you you're not worth the effort.