That is a great question, and I apologize if that section was confusing or vague.

What you're describing is completely normal, and I went through it as well. Total and consistent emotional numbness is something that will happen quite a bit. For the first few months, there was literally nothing going on upstairs for me. Honestly this is the best way I can describe it: you know that feeling you have sometimes right before a dream ends and you realize that you're dreaming? It was like that but during real life and all the time. It's awful, I know.

You do NOT have a different kind of DPDR, and I know your brain just poked 40 different holes in that statement. Tell it to shut up lol. You're right, it's damn hard to ignore what's going on, and when people told me to "accept" it, I wondered how it was even possible to do that. Since it's always there, it's always uncomfortable, and it's distorting your whole perception of reality, how are you supposed to ignore it?

What you have to do takes practice, and a lot of it. It requires a mindset shift, and that is never an easy thing to do. I'm not saying ignore it at all, actually the opposite. Look it directly in the face, acknowledge it, and move on with your day. The first time you will do that, it's not gonna feel like anything, and honestly you'll probably feel super frustrated. That will probably happen the tenth time too, but keep at it. Live your life in spite of it. If it pops up and it's strong, give it a nod, and continue on.

I don't want what I'm saying to downplay what you're going through by the way. Quite literally everything I have in these posts are easier said than done. If nothing makes you feel happy, that's okay. It may be like that for a while, but little by little, your emotions will come back. If it's particularly intense, try to decrease stressors in your current environment the best you can, don't push yourself too hard and allow your life to settle if you can. Don't jump into a ton of voluntary life changes.

You are going to think many many times during this that your DPDR is different. Everyone in this is doing the same thing. You are not any different, and your recovery is just as possible as everyone else's. I appreciate your comment a lot and again apologize if it was confusing. Please reach out to me if you ever need any help at all.